DH in a bad mood because I'm home late?

[syndromeImposter]

I've just started a new job, huge step up so I'm not my usual pre organised self.
Messaged DH last minute at 5 saying I was out for drinks with a client, that I'd be later than normal. Asked if he needed anything. He requested beers. Messaged hour later asking again if he needed anything, he said take away. There were no good take outs near. So picked up beers, salad, chicken and pizza from a nearby deli and headed home.
Messaged an hour and a half later saying I was on my way with beers and pizza and he lost it.
Saying if I told him earlier that's all I was bringing in, he would have driven out to get food & beers - that he didn't want to wait for deli pizza?
Have I done something wrong or is it just because I'm late?

what does this have to do with anything?
And no he isn't having an affair where does this even come from 😂😂

I agree.

Youre working late, he sorts tea. Is it a partnership or not?

Btw YANBU, he is.

I agree it's the drip feed that would annoy me.

Better to say I'm going to be late, go ahead and eat.

If I understood your post correctly OP, between your first text and you arriving home 3 hours passed.
I don't think is because you are late is because you have created an expectation of dinner and beers and they arrived late. You were acting as the delivery guy who arrived 3 hours late.

I would be pissed off as well if my partner txt were that ambiguous and open to create a expectation of something I fancy for drink, eat.

Next time don't offer to pick anything and tell him you will arriving late so he can sort himself.

It comes from the previous poster saying if it was the other way round MN would be saying he is late home because he is having an affair and my response was to that poster addressing that point and wasn't directed at you but hey ho here you are again unable to get your head round the fact that people live life in different ways to the way you do.

This.

Yes baffling that you’ve even asked that

for disclosure I’m not disabled or have special needs
but if my wife messaged me at the time she was due to set off home and OFFERED to get me something and I asked for a takeaway and she said she would get one

then I would presume she was on her way home then not hours laters and sit and wait

whilst I’m 100% capable of cooking a meal ( I probably cooker over 1/2 the time due regularly being the 1st home)
i wouldn’t cook anything as takeaway was apparently on route

He’s a knob. Don’t offer to get him anything next time.

Why are you wilfully ignoring that she told him she was going to be home later than normal?

At that point the onus is on him to ask what time.

This thread seems to be roughly split between

1. Of course OP is right, her DH is a man and therefore naturally in the wrong. He should have cooked even if OP did say she was getting take away and
2. Of course if someone rings you and said they will pick up takeaway you expect them to turn up with takeaway in a timely manner and not 1.5 hours later with no takeaway

For what it's worth my DH is going out today. Our conversation went as follows:

DH: I'm doing xyz today. Not sure what time I'll be home. Suggest you and the DC have tea when you want, and I can just sort something for myself

Me: It's chilli tonight so it'll reheat easily if you want to just have it when you get back

DH: Great, I'll bear that in mind then - if I do end up getting something while I'm out, I'll have the chilli for lunch tomorrow

This feels like a more normal communication that leaves no one in doubt as to what the plan for dinner is and ensures no food is wasted. None of the vagueness and need to read between the lines of OP and her DH's conversation.

Completely get that I was being a bit non committal, which would be annoying. DH was at home, with a car to get beers or pick up a take away - 5 minutes drive away and food in the fridge. I was in a city and had to walk to pick up beers, then walk to collect food, then took a 30 minute cab home. I offered to bring hot take away in, but he didn't want the option I suggested, which was something I could pick up on the way home.
He made a few comments today, that he was left to clean the house while I was out as we have friends over tonight - so suspect that's more the issue than the food!

Is there a reason you asked him if he needed anything if he was at home with the car @syndromeImposter

Your update makes even less sense now.

Why keep asking if he wanted anything when it wasn't easy for you to get anything anyway and any hot food would be going cold anyway?
Why, if it was only a 30 minute taxi journey, did you pick food up and still not text until an hour and half later saying you'd picked up food?

You didn't mention before that you'd offered one thing he didn't want. Just that nothing was close.

Is he usually sulky and annoyed with you?

He might still be moping because he's annoyed by what happened yesterday and the fact you were acting like you were right when he disagreed

He made a few comments today, that he was left to clean the house while I was out as we have friends over tonight - so suspect that's more the issue than the food!

I think it sounds like you messed him around for several hours (after announcing last minute that you'd be late home) and he's still a bit annoyed with you about it.

If my DH behaved that way and left me hanging for three hours and left me to tidy up for guests I don't think I'd be too happy with him either 🤷‍♀️

Would you cook if your partner had rung saying that they were bringing in a takeaway?

Aaaah, I did ask yesterday if there was any chance this is part of a bigger issue. On the surface, him being left to do the cleaning is a legitimate irritation. I can see why that's annoying for him.

BUT... I'm still wondering if there's a lot more to this story. Does he often get annoyed if you go out for drinks or if you're home a bit late? If you HAD been at home, would the cleaning in preparation for tonight have been done by both of you or would you have done the bulk of it? Do you often feel you have to overcompensate when you do something you think he won't like which might have driven the ridiculous multiple and confusing messages from you....

So, given your update.

WHY were you offering takeaway/beers pick up?

It makes absolutely no sense.

It's why everyone is questioning what else goes on in your relationship because it's so absurd. Why on earth would the person who needs to cab/carry/walk/and been all day at a new job be the one to sort food out over the one who can sort it from home?!? It literally makes zero sense.

Being at home without your partner for a couple of hours is not getting messed around.

If you're the kind of person who if they don't eat for a couple of hours turns into a cock then it's on you to keep yourself fed to prevent your acting like a child, so yes, if I was like that I would eat something, sly in a fish finger sandwich or something, push the boat out and have 2 dinners. Put the takeaway in the fridge and fry it for breakfast whatever.

Unless the house was a fucking bomb site then getting it ready for some friends isn't a 2 person job and furthermore gives you something to do to take your mind off the horror of being alone, abandoned and starving for 2 whole hours.

He's a wet blanket

Then why did you offer to get something you should just have said I'll sort my own dinner so don't worry about me

I take it if your partner says they are coming home with takeaway and then turns up 1.5 hours later without takeaway, you would be perfectly ok with this then and wouldn't make a single remark? After all, you could have had a fish finger sandwich to tide you over.

She looked at the takeaway places, they weren’t good. So she bought beers, salad, chicken and pizza from a nearby deli.

I would be perfectly OK with that.

She can’t magic up a takeaway.

If he were any sort of decent person, he would said ‘syndrome, you must be tired due to working late. I’ll get us food’. But he didn’t, he waited on his arse, even though he was 5 minutes from takeaway places himself.

She shouldn't have offered to get a takeaway if she wasn't going to bring one home.

And nothing OP describes makes me think he's not a decent person - she's the one who kept asking if he wanted anything, then offered a takeaway, then turned up several hours later without one.

If my DH said he was bringing home a takeaway, it would be a bit bizarre of me to then go out and get one myself, lol.

You’re acting like she didn’t try to bring a takeaway.

Weird how you lot think a man sat on his arse 5 minutes from food is a ‘decent person’ but that OP, who is working late in a new role with more responsibility AND brought home food is the devil incarnate.

I repeat, if he were any sort of decent person, he would said ‘syndrome, you must be tired due to working late. I’ll get us food’. He knew she was stressed from her new job but added to her stress. That is not a decent man.

And OP saying she is not as organised as usual tells her that she is probably always bringing this man food whilst he sits on his arse.

She OFFERED to get him something and was bringing food back

He'd be being called a right twat if she was here posting that he has eaten already or had picked up another takeaway when she got home with the food she had specially picked up

And he wasn't sitting on his arsenal if he was tidying up

Some of you really hate men