DH in a bad mood because I'm home late?

[syndromeImposter]

I've just started a new job, huge step up so I'm not my usual pre organised self.
Messaged DH last minute at 5 saying I was out for drinks with a client, that I'd be later than normal. Asked if he needed anything. He requested beers. Messaged hour later asking again if he needed anything, he said take away. There were no good take outs near. So picked up beers, salad, chicken and pizza from a nearby deli and headed home.
Messaged an hour and a half later saying I was on my way with beers and pizza and he lost it.
Saying if I told him earlier that's all I was bringing in, he would have driven out to get food & beers - that he didn't want to wait for deli pizza?
Have I done something wrong or is it just because I'm late?

Whilst it is odd you messaged him so many times the poor little man child could have got off his arse and ordered his own takeaway.

I am going to predict that going forward he is going to have issues with your new promotion and invent other problems.

and you genuinely believe the OP would have been happy to come home carrying a take-away for 2 to find her husband eating his own? Yeah right.

@syndromeImposter

I have to agree with the above.

My DH pulls this shit all the time on me and I hate it.

By texting after and hour and then later you are literally hijacking my evening.

If my DH just said i am not sure what time I will
be home, please go ahead and eat and dont keep the kids up it would be much much better.

Waiting and waiting for the drip feed texts makes me so fucking cross.

And it’s always people “out with clients”.

Sorry @syndromeImposter but this is so triggering for me.

And yes he will have been starving! To add insult to injury.

And yes I know all about being client facing. I do a v similar job.

@Spirallingdownwards unless I know DH is going to be very late home (or vice versa), we tend to eat together. Doesn't matter who is planning to cook

Spoilt....

Why do people keep saying the OP came home with food that needed cooking? Surely deli pizza and deli chicken are cooked; that's the point of a deli, no?

No she knows now to just bring her own and let him sort himself out.

He wanted the takeaway and was cross because it was a pizza that needed slinging in the oven for what 10-15 minutes. He had food there but couldn't be arsed to cook for himself. I still stand by the assumption mainly because he was hacked off that her promotion means she will be out with clients from time to time and he isn't able to handle that she is getting on in her career.

As another poster said the fact that OP seems to feel the need to pander to him suggests that he has already shown this to be the case. My ex was like this. Happy when I got qualified in a profession and earned more than double I was pre qualification but not happy when it meant later nights and client hospitality.

She should put down a marker. If he isn't cooking he sorts his own takeaway.

This

YWBU.

I would have messaged at 5
"Sorry mate, I've got to go for this drinks thing with a client, not sure what time I will be back so don't wait for me. Plenty of food in fridge but please don't use the salmon as I want that tomorrow. Love you"

Then possibly messaged when I was about to come home to say "On way now, do you want me to pick anything up ?"

But the constantly messaging him implying that you were about to pick something up and head home was unreasonable, yes.

Personally, I’d message’Going to be late, see you around 8’. My Dh would then ask if I wanted food and he’d make a meal if I said yes, plus wait for me to come home before eating himself. Why did he not just make the food? Seems a bit helpless.

Cold pizza if it had been cooked though

Especially if it took over an hour and half to get there

Hardly the hot, delicious takeaway pizza DH would have expected

DH can order his own hot delicious pizza then. Or cook the food they had in.

He could have just used his words and said 'Do you know when you'll be back?'

But OP made it sound like she was on the way WITH food!

He said he'd have sorted food had he known!

But did he know you'd be in at that time?

If dh kept asking what I wanted and said he was bringing home dinner and took over 2 hrs to coke back without specifying, yes I'd be annoyed.

I can almost guarantee that had OP posted
"My DH has just got a new job. He text me to say he'd be late as he was meeting a client in a bar and did I want anything. I said "wine please". He text again a bit later to say he was still out and did I need anything else so I asked him to bring a take away as it would be late when he got in and I hadn't cooked yet. An hour and a half later he text to say he was finally on his way home. With deli pizza I'd need to cook/reheat. I was fuming. WIBU?"

Then those posters saying he was being a manchild, couldn't he have cooked, he's trying to sabotage her work etc would be telling OP she was perfectly reasonable to be angry, that DH should have said he was delayed, would probably say he was having an affair, tell him he can't make working late a habit etc

Obviously the answer you’d like is he’s a useless man expecting his wife to make tea

There's no answer that I'd "like".

In the event it would have been easier all round.

Well it did seem to get left to Op so...

I know right. Dh’s auto reaction when his late late is to stop off at sainsburys and grab a bottle and then get a chippy dinner or ask me to order whatever for us off Justeat because his made me wait for dinner basically.

Why the texting when a 2 minute conversation could have explored all the whys, and wherefores, and possibilities ?

But then I am a very old person who thinks talking to people is more productive than texting.

I'd be pissed off too if someone kept asking me if I wanted stuff then didn't come back with it until 3 and a half hours later 🙄

I do too. My dh has done this before and it really annoyed me cos l was waiting for him before l ate.

If DH text me at five saying he was having drinks after work did I want anything and I replied, then an hour later text again asking if I wanted anything and I said dinner, I would have assumed the second text was because he was leaving and on his way home, if he then text 90 minutes later and said I'm leaving now and when I get in the food needs to be cooked, I'd be annoyed. Don't ask me if I want things if you're not coming home for another 3.5 hours, I could've just sorted my own dinner.

What I read is that SHE asked.

When DH messages me to ask me what I fancy, I reply. I will probably feel I fancy a pizza instead of cooking then.

If he then turns up 2.5 hours later, after messaging every hour, I'd be very pissed off with him

I still stand by the assumption mainly because he was hacked off that her promotion I agree, you are massively projecting 😂

If my DH agreed to pick up a takeaway and then didn't even bother heading home for another 90 minutes, I'd be pissed off too, especially if he then turned up with a supermarket pizza and salad.

I could sort all that out myself without sitting around and waiting for no reason.

No I wouldn't because my DH is also in a career where he often goes out with clients in the evening and works late. And no he isn't having an affair. Its just the reality of having a professional career. But I get some people don't have that and live a more 9 to 5 life and teas on the table at 6.30 life.

As are you. Could she have said I am not leaving quite yet. Yes. Could he have asked what time should I expect you? Also yes.

They both know now what to do if it happens again which it most likely will if this issue part of her new role. But he was still acting like a petty manchild not being able to fend for himself whilst waiting.

Is your husband disabled, or does he have special needs?
Baffling.