Are weddings actually seriously uncool? Naff as anything?

[comoatoupeira]

Light-hearted! This is about taste and fashion and society, not about the institution of marriage or the spirituality of the wedding ceremony.

Just reading the thread about the bridezilla who wants her sister to change her haircolour to be her bridesmaid, just the ultimate in deranged and self centered behaviour.

I've been having these twinge thoughts in the back of my mind for a while now, and I'm finally putting it out there: are weddings "over", meaning that they are actually naff and bad taste now?

What I mean is the classic wedding: overdone and over-achieving bride, matching bridesmaids in pastel satin, expensive everything. Men in expensive tailoring but who manage to not look elegant?

I think elopement and queer (in the academic sense) ways of getting married are in? Or just quietly in the registry office and then a party?

Taste arbiters, tell me your thoughts!

Luckily, I don't go to many weddings. It's just a huge amount of money to everyone including guests. I just never really 'got' them. They seem very formal and managed, which is understandable with lots of people attending I guess. I'm not sure if they are out of fashion, but I think the whole Instagram bragging thing makes it more naff in a lot if people's eyes. I think that is probably what is turning the tide.

if I was to ever get married it would be a very small, informal affair. I absolutely hate being the centre of attention though, so that might be why.

Yes I think the big white weddings are starting to fall out of fashion. Unless you can do it a la Duke of Westminster in a cathedral somewhere, or the Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc in Antibes, then it's becoming more on trend to go small.

@LoveRules your choice, but I'd seriously reconsider a photographer. It's lovely to look back on photos of your day and see the people you love happy and having fun. We had a videographer too, in years to come when some of those people are no longer with us I'll value the video.

I don't like anal at weddings either

I have always thought weddings are toe curlingly naff. Excruciating. To the point that I actually didn’t want to go through with mine.

There’s something about building an elaborate edifice around the blessing of people’s right to have sex with someone and wash their socks ad infinitum which makes me want to die of embarrassment. Intrinsically awful.

Layer on the terrible behaviour that weddings seem to engender in otherwise sane people and you have a recipe for narcissism, self indulgence and control.

@MoltenLasagne

So many of these sneery posts are just desperate to call big weddings "common" but know that's a little too on the nose.

OK I’ll bite. I think big weddings are horrifically common. Even the “tasteful” and “curated” ones. Probably these even more than the openly naff ones.

Wedding photographer here! Yes lots of them are extravagant and every detail counts, but there’s the same amount of small weddings which are relaxed (my fav) So many brides are obsessed with the details when they should just relax and enjoy their day. Each to their own I guess. But some of the money spent on “details” are eye watering.

I love weddings.

Other people's that is. Mine was a secret wedding. I know it's not cool, but I like them.

Considering I'm in my 40s, I really haven't been to that many- and now I'm seeing the divorces start. Last wedding I went to was 6 years ago. Full on traditional.

I love getting dressed up, seeing friends or family all day, getting pissed and having a dance at the end. But the next wedding I go to will probably be as mother of the bride/groom now.

I think if people want to go all out for their wedding then good for them. I've been to a few no expenses spared ones and whilst they were lovely, it's such a long day with lots of waiting around. Personally, I was never the girl who dreamed of a fairy tale wedding and the idea of being the centre of attention still makes me cringe. I suggested to my long time DP that we should get married after the lockdown restrictions lifted, as only having a handful of guests sounded perfect to me.

We got engaged a couple of months ago and I'd prefer to just go to a registry office then invite a few close family and friends for a meal afterwards. I was just going to ask two random people to be witnesses. It sounds like he's wanting something a bit more traditional with a stag do, best man and speeches, so I think I'll leave the planning to him! I'm not sure he realises the effort and cost involved in planning even a fairly basic traditional wedding ceremony with reception.

I think people should just do what they like. I do feel a bit sorry for people who do what they feel pressured into by society or their own families, but it’s not my business. For some people, that big wedding seems to genuinely be what they want so good for them.

We chose not to marry but I love a good wedding when it’s people that I love getting married and I’m happy to be invited, whatever they’ve chosen to do.

Yanbu
I think all types of wedding are fine, do what you want. Personally wouldn't spend loads of money if I didn't have it spare and internally I do judge the naffness and cost. But really, that's my problem. However....the ridiculous behaviour of both guests and wedding couple is insane. I don't know why some people suddenly think they can dictate others lives like the hair colour example!

I like a relaxed wedding. Ours was traditional and formal but we didn't bother with anything we didn't think we'd enjoy (or was necessary for guests like food haha) and didn't ask much of people (bought matching bridesmaid dresses. They got to pick from a variety I gave, I paid. No drama. There was uproar amongst some part of the family that we didn't have wedding favours..."because you have to". Mad.

I find the endless posts from women who are sad because they are waiting for a 'proposal' worse. Usually with a couple of kids but they see the 'proposal' as the goal. Weird to me.
Or those that can't get married for a few years because they can't 'afford it' These are the ones who are all about the 'wedding' rather than the 'marriage'

But yes, they are naff. A bunch of bridesmaids? Why? Half the time I'm sure it is just for the 'look'. Not to mention the absolute stupidity of spending a ridiculous amount of money on a party rather than on your actual future. That part has never made sense. Of course, that's assuming you're actually paying for the wedding yourselves. I know a lot of adults, with jobs and children and lives, still expect someone else to fund the party. Crazy 🤷‍♀️

Wow CJs Goldfish, you sound very bitter about weddings! Did you once get chinned by a pack of bridesmaids or something?

I have an admiration for those whose wedding is low key, maybe just the couple and two witnesses.

As for style, most people in the Uk don't do style in anything, just degrees of awfulness. One benefit of the lower than average temperatures is less of the summer wardrobe coming out.

My son is marrying a Spanish girl in Spain later this year. It’s interesting to see the Spanish traditions, no bridal party so no bridesmaids. I can’t help but think it takes tons of stress out of it all for the couple and the focus is on them as it should be. The bride chooses a wedding godfather who gets her bouquet. No speeches either!!

We had a no presents, no hats policy. Party at sister’s who had a big room. Caterers, taxis, meaningful venue, every little girl relative had a posy, Tesco champagne and plenty of it. Joyful and a lasting marriage.

I really, really hate, weddings. They're boring, tacky and tedious. All the "traditions" like flowers, dress, cake, favours etc are ridiculously dull and such a waste of money. My own wedding was small. We had 8 guests and were in and out as quick as could be. I'd never put friends and family through hours of ceremony, speeches and waiting for food.

99% of the weddings I've been to have ended in divorce. The huge, cathedral one that cost hundreds of thousands didn't even last a month 🤣

I find weddings incredibly hopeful, wonderful events. I actually think the ones that have pretensions to being “unique” are the most tiring. Give me a good old fashioned church wedding with marquee / barn reception, 3 course meal, drinks and dancing, a beautiful bride in a traditional white dress. Although none of this comes cheap!

A month?! Did he get one of the bridesmaids knocked up?

We got married in the local register office. I made the invitations and decorations and got a fake bouquet and buttonholes from eBay. I wore a Monsoon dress and did my own makeup. I had one Bridesmaid who wore her own dress. We had a party at home, a buffet in the house and garden which lasted a few hours. My husbands friend, who had been to many weddings including some Majorly Industrial Weddings eg one where ALL the guests were chauffeured about in Limousines and the meal was Michelin star rated, said that ours was the best wedding he had ever been to!

My exH proposed to me on a trip to NY. It was a Saturday night. I didn’t accept straight off as I didn’t want the fuss of a wedding. He suggested that we did it there. So we did. We went to city Hall on Monday morning with our passports and gave notice. I chose a wedding ring that afternoon. We got married on Tuesday and flew home on Wednesday. It was great 😂

My husbands friend, who had been to many weddings including some Majorly Industrial Weddings eg one where ALL the guests were chauffeured about in Limousines and the meal was Michelin star rated, said that ours was the best wedding he had ever been to!

That's MN wedding thread bingo.

She was the bride's cousin 😬

Yes - he was likely just being polite! How many of us have said that and not really meant it?

I've read the whole thread and here's my conclusion.

Big fancy weddings have always been naff, with a very few exceptions. It's always been the case but it's got more obvious recently because of social media and because I've been to quite a few now so it's an age thing!

I would add that maybe they have become more naff because of all the shit you can buy now from China really cheaply online (I had to look up what a favour is!) that also makes them look all the same.

But lots of people love them and couples should be able to do what they want, and people who want to bitch shouldn't go to them!

However, people shouldn't feel pressurised into spending their deposit on these things because they're not actually that important in all the expensive details, and you can have just as much fun on a lower budget. Banks and the wedding industry shouldn't prey on people to spend more than they can afford.

How's that?