Are weddings actually seriously uncool? Naff as anything?

[comoatoupeira]

Light-hearted! This is about taste and fashion and society, not about the institution of marriage or the spirituality of the wedding ceremony.

Just reading the thread about the bridezilla who wants her sister to change her haircolour to be her bridesmaid, just the ultimate in deranged and self centered behaviour.

I've been having these twinge thoughts in the back of my mind for a while now, and I'm finally putting it out there: are weddings "over", meaning that they are actually naff and bad taste now?

What I mean is the classic wedding: overdone and over-achieving bride, matching bridesmaids in pastel satin, expensive everything. Men in expensive tailoring but who manage to not look elegant?

I think elopement and queer (in the academic sense) ways of getting married are in? Or just quietly in the registry office and then a party?

Taste arbiters, tell me your thoughts!

99% of the weddings I've been to have ended in divorce.

Were you shagging the groom on top table at each of them? Seems like a very high divorce rate with you as the only constant!

It all depends on how cultured the Bride and Groom are. The ones with giant lit up LOVE signs, sweets in jars, doves, men all in tan shoes suggest a couple who is having a wedding to fit in, you can tell they have a Pinterest account and search every #makingmemoies and the like for ‘inspo’. Tend to have a small child together or one from a previous relationship wearing converse. Swirly swooshy written seating plans on boards atop of easels, Our special day, a candle shrine for Granny, pic of the bride doing a shot, curled hair when she never ever wears it curled, chairs with bows on. Just horrendous really.

The ones having a registry wedding, a few friends and close family and then a pizza after in February suggest confidence and a love they don’t need to spend £s to affirm. They have nothing to prove or life goal to tick off.

One of the nicest weddings I’ve been to was a weekend affair in a country house. It was the week before Christmas, the house had been decorated and the bride and groom asked for Christmas tree decorations as wedding presents.

@comoatoupeira Wedding favours aren't new, traditionally it would have been a bag of sugared almonds. It's an ancient tradition. And I don't think banks and the wedding industry necessarily prey on people, we're all responsible for our own decisions. Admittedly it does take confidence to stand up to some of the worst, e.g. the hard-selling owners of crap bridal boutiques. Other than that, I agree with you.

@Onand being judgemental isn't all that cultured either

The only couple I know who had the low key wedding of your second para….it didn’t last.

I don’t think you can judge the depth and sincerity of a couple’s love by the type of wedding they choose to have.

Brilliant 👏

I hate weddings. Find them incredibly boring, especially the bit between the meal and the evening stuff. Don't like wearing smart clothing - don't start on the shoes, as cannot wear heels, strappy things or shoes without any support on ankle/heel. Turned down about 6 weddings due to the shoes. Made some BS excuse which looked more legit than to say "I can't wear pretty shoes".

About 15 years ago, I went to a wedding at a country house in the middle of nowhere and rich groom's family paid for everyone to stay o/n at the 50-55 room hotel for ones that lived miles away (I lived c85 miles away at the time) and taxis for those who lived close. I went into my room and watched whatever was on the tv and slept then came down wearing my trainers, which no one noticed.

Noticed from my friends and family - those who spend the most are more likely to be divorced than a wedding with a few friends.

My parents got married in 1978 and only invited their immediate family. They did have a do with their friends a month later after mum's best friend gave birth to her DS.

I do rather agree with the op. I think weddings have become more and more commercialised, creating what some see as a 'need' to have all the matching dressing gowns, slippers, everything with the word 'bride' on it, expensive stag and hen dos lasting multiple days, sometimes abroad and guests wearing clothes and hats they would never wear on any other occasion.

If you go to a wedding with loads of guests and the couple don't have time to speak to you all, then I believe its pointless having a large group of guests.

Yes the wedding I went to where I went into my room for a few hours, I did manage to speak to the couple - the bride was a team leader at my then employer. I still don't know how work let about 85% of the staff to have a few days off. This was a call centre back office support team.

Weddings imo are more stressful for ladies, being forced to wear different clothing for each wedding. Whilst a man could get away wearing the same suit for 4 different weddings - just changing the shirt and/or tie. Man's friend, man's family, OH's friend and OH's family. In these four weddings, the only other person that could potentially attend is their OH.

Think social media is to blame to making weddings OTT. Plus heard some couples want this and that because a celebrity couple had it in their weddings.

Wearing different clothes for each wedding is a choice, though. I had a green dress I liked and wore to all weddings for aeons.

I live dressing up and clothes so I wouldn’t view it as being “ forced” to wear a different outfit… it feels like there are so few occasions ( post Covid) where it’s ok to get glammed up these days- some of us enjoy it…

*like not live

Who cares if weddings are cool? They're fabulous, wonderful occasions. But the whole point is to make public declarations of commitment and loving emotion and celebrate that.

All that passion is directly opposed to the whole idea of "cool" as a positive thing. The word meant lacking in passion, and the modern use as a term of approval is based on admiration, originally in jazz music, of laid back, controlled, deliberate, apparently dispassionate style.

I haven't been to a wedding for years. I miss it!

Yes, there was a spell where we had a couple every summer, but I dunno - I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where I wasn't really pleased to be there and had a lot of fun.

Scottish though, and even if you don't know many people there's usually someone's Uncle Dougie and Aunt Jean sitting at your table who turn out to be a great laugh and you all just dance a lot and get pissed.

@CasperGutman surely they're only "fabulous wonderful occasions" if you like that type of thing and you can actually afford it.
As I say on many of these threads I find most weddings utterly boring - however "cool" they are.
But it's not my money so I don't really care what people choose to do.
(I would still be bored out my mind at most of them though 😂)

I was lucky that the two friends who were my bridesmaids had identical brunette bobs 🤭. I had a very traditional wedding but on a budget. I bought the bridesmaids dresses from Debenhams with no pastel satin in sight. I think people just spend money on tat and truly tasteless ideas which is the real problem. We made jokes about things like releasing Doves which was fashionable when we got married but tried to keep things as simple as possible.

I’ve enjoyed every wedding I’ve beeen to , and most of my circle do get married very traditionally (when in their late 20s and before having kids). I also think in most cultures weddings are a wayyy bigger deal than they are in the U.K. — life changes far more after a wedding than it does here — so people’s focus tends to be more on the marriage than the wedding.

whereas here if you’ve been together for 10 years and already have kids a wedding doesn’t really change anything so people focus more on the material things that lead up to it. If you can’t wait to actually be married then you seek a shorter engagement period. While here people are engaged for 1+ years normally.

Its unheard of in my circles to have kids before marriage too so that focuses people’s minds a bit more.

Absolutely. They’re not cool in any way. They’re emotional, warm, love-filled affairs.

It's funny, I was just having this conversation with a friend the other day about how weddings are just not what they're cracked up to be. I've been to lots of funerals recently and been blown away by the importance of people gathering to say goodbye as a ritual through which humans can begin comprehend the meaning of life and death.

Similarly, the birth of a baby and that celebration of a new life feels so significant - it's a shame there isn't a non-religious equivalent of a christening for us heathens to mark it.

Yet, these days, weddings - the economic and domestic joining of two adults (half of whom will divorce) - is like... well, what is it? Why is it such a big deal? It's not really anything to do with a new beginning or budding Romance as presumably this couple fell in love some time earlier, and saying vows in front of their friends doesn't actually make them feel any different. It feels like a performance. I agree completely that the 'rules' and many of the traditions of weddings are outdated and stiff.

I'm married and I'm definitely not anti-marriage. But if I was doing it now, I'd go for a very small registry office thing followed by a nice meal with immediate family and then carry on as before. You can have a big party with friends but it doesn't have to be connected to the wedding.

@mambojambodothetango lots of people have non religious naming ceremonies for their babies.

Weddings had a lot more significance when the couple weren’t already living together and it was the start of a completely new life for both of them. I went to plenty of weddings like that in my youth - including my own - and they had an emotional charge that is missing from modern weddings I feel.

Over the past couple of years, we have been to two weddings - ds1’s And BIL’s - and they were both very different weddings, but both were lovely, because they were about celebrating their love for their partners, and sharing that celebration with family and friends.

Neither of the couples went all -zilla about things, but they still had the things they wanted, that made the days beautiful - flowers, lovely dresses, bridesmaids, readings, confetti, lovely food.

It is possible to have a great day without going mad in the process - and weddings like this are fun and memorable for everyone, for all the right reasons, in my opinion.

Not only is this a genuinely unusual and very beguiling 'how we got married' story, but it has a lot of the elements of a giddy, heated, loved up albeit totally cheesy indie romance movie!

You just took advantage of the moment in glitzy New York there and then!

Sounds fabulous! The sort of random story you hear from a stranger and always remember. Brilliant! I'd love to do it that way.

Completely bonkers and crazy though!