Are weddings actually seriously uncool? Naff as anything?

[comoatoupeira]

Light-hearted! This is about taste and fashion and society, not about the institution of marriage or the spirituality of the wedding ceremony.

Just reading the thread about the bridezilla who wants her sister to change her haircolour to be her bridesmaid, just the ultimate in deranged and self centered behaviour.

I've been having these twinge thoughts in the back of my mind for a while now, and I'm finally putting it out there: are weddings "over", meaning that they are actually naff and bad taste now?

What I mean is the classic wedding: overdone and over-achieving bride, matching bridesmaids in pastel satin, expensive everything. Men in expensive tailoring but who manage to not look elegant?

I think elopement and queer (in the academic sense) ways of getting married are in? Or just quietly in the registry office and then a party?

Taste arbiters, tell me your thoughts!

What % of people actually still get married?

In my circles nobody has had a wedding and we are getting to 40 soon. ‘My circles’ being couples where the woman is equal/ high earner in the the relationship, they’ve been together for years and no interest in marriage, definitely not a wedding. Or they’ll do a registry office quickie if kids involved. Definitely no hen do etc. So I always draw a blank when people start talking about ‘the wedding season’ etc as I’ve never experienced my friends getting married.

Been to probably 4 weddings in my life of cousins/ work mates and my impression has been that people that ‘do’ weddings are from traditional families one way or another, eg either quite posh or quite working class, and it’s important for the parents/ wider family.

Anyone else or just me where nobody they’re friends with would have a wedding? In my head they were over some time ago but I hear they still seem to be a popular phenomenon.

I went to a wedding at Mar Hall and it was just the best. I was expecting it to be posh and up itself but, you're right, you cant beat a good Scottish wedding and you just cant avoid The Proclaimers😃

Me!! Never experienced this “wedding season” people speak of and frankly if the people I knew were having weddings that would cost a lot (abroad, in inaccessible places necessitating a hotel, demanding money, expensive hen dos) I’d just decline. I’ve declined a couple recently from less close friends. The people in my life that I really like though have similar values and opinions to me and aren’t fussed about marriage, think weddings are naff. I’ve honestly never seen a wedding dress I didn’t think looked ridiculous I’m afraid

Thank you for making me feel normal 😂

Growing up I used to think these big multi-day weddings were just something that happened in American films or that extremely high profile people would have. Don’t think anyone in my family ever had a big wedding until this generation.

@Hoolahoophop But it wasn't what I had pictured. I was just too young and insecure and not talented enough at event planning to make what I wanted a reality. I think this is why so many weddings are samey.

I wanted something a bit different, but unless you DIY everything (likely to be even more expensive and huge amounts of hassle), it's not really possible. We picked a barn venue so it was a bit different, a bit more laid back, but there were things I wanted (like rolls and sausage during the drinks reception, because people are always starving by dinner) that they couldn't do so we had to have canapes (£££!) and we compromised on bread going on the tables before the speeches. The wedding coordinator steered us away from anything too original, and do you know what? She was right, with hindsight. Weddings are formulaic for a reason, because it works. Yes it's a bit samey but it's better than not getting fed/things not running to time/there being major fuck ups.

Yeah that was basically our thought process! 😂

It’s a classic for a reason! 😂

I think a lot are more interested in the wedding and all the attention than the actual marriage.

Do you mean the guests or the bride?!

I'm a similar age to you. All my friends are (or were) married, bar one but her situation is complex and she definitely doesn't want to (and shouldn't) marry him.

My "generation" of our family are all married. My older cousins have children who are starting to get engaged. All my aunts and uncles are or were married.

I only know of a couple of people at work who are in a relationship that is not at least heading to marriage.

All of my school friends (small circle, rarely catch up now so not included in the other friends) are married.

Obviously this is only my experience, but I think it's still very common to get or want to be married.

I mean the Bride and groom things like expecting people to pay for expensive hen/stag parties etc

Ahh now in my opinion those parts are better than the wedding itself!

My most stylish friend is getting married in August. It's a registry and meal for guests in a central London restaurant affair. No hall, no bridesmaids, no flower girls etc no fuss very informal type of thing. I am looking forward to it.

The bank offered DH and me a £10,000 wedding loan. We didn’t take it but it’s a scary thought with how many couples do. We had the day we wanted though married in the local parish church and our wedding cars were things like a Mercedes E Class. As the cars are modern and not vintage they use the cars for other things too so it cost us less than a third of the cost of the vintage cars.

I don't agree with this. It reads as almost hysterical victimisation of women. Why are you reading child and victim into traditionally feminine coded dresses? Speaks more to your own misogyny than the wedding industry's. You can't like frills and be witty? You can't like lace and be smart? You can't like pouffy dresses and be an independent feminist? Why on earth not?

Weddings are a ritual. It doesn't make you a stupid child victim to want to participate in the ritual, in the way that is traditional. Of course it's also completely fine to opt out of the traditional way. It's amazing that now people get to choose their own wedding. At the end of the day, authentic weddings always feel better. The couple who wanted to elope but get sucked into the whole big white wedding probably won't be happy, and the wedding won't be great. But the couple who actually wanted the tradition but feel pressured by trends to have a big unique outdoor barefoot circus themed wedding also won't be happy, and the wedding won't be great. The best weddings are the ones that reflect the people in them.

I'm getting married next Thursday. We are going to the registry office with our 3 kids and 3 adults in the family. It's 9.30am no music cause I just find it too cringe. In out done. We will dress smart. Probably go for coffee after 😆 big wedding is not for me!

So many of these sneery posts are just desperate to call big weddings "common" but know that's a little too on the nose.

I have a big family, so it was always going to be a big wedding because for us it's about joining two families and everyone celebrating together. I couldn't have had a 10 person wedding without genuinely upsetting all my favourite people.

We looked at the quirky field marquee set up but once you hired the chairs and the crockery and the portaloos it was going to be extortionate. Instead we went for a hotel that could seat 100, provided lots of good food and cheap alcohol and does them day in, day out.

My photos probably look like 50 other brides that got married there that year, but I've got ones of my Dad dancing with DH's Grandma, and my cousins' kids skidding on their knees so I don't really care. And fortunately, if any of my guests thought that my wedding was basic or boring or naff, they had enough common decency to keep it to themselves.

From Wikipedia page “Queer” for those who asked

Academia
Main articles: Queer studies and Queer theory
In academia, the term queer and the related verb queering broadly indicate the study of literature, discourse, academic fields, and other social and cultural areas from a non-heteronormative perspective. It often means studying a subject against the grain from the perspective of gender studies.

Congrats!🎉 Hope you have a lovely, super day!

Hope the weather is good too!😬

I think you might be right! DH and I got married last year after being together 29 years. We had 2 witnesses (our adult sons) and no one else knew or attended. We worse jeans and t-shirts so no special clothes were bought. We still haven't told anyone (apart from updating work with details and HMRC). We had a meal for the 4 of us afterwards in a really lovely pub. It was great! No fuss, cost effective and the meal was great!

I do find weddings a bit naff for myself, but I'm happy to go along with other people's and join in!

I think a lot of things people have at weddings are ridiculous, and that people only have them because other people do . And these things only started originally as a money making scheme for the wedding industry.

If someone thinks an aspect of their wedding is unique, it probably isn't.

I had a quiet , registry office ceremony and a reception in a pub. I said I wasn't paying for anything unless it was a legal requirement or it could be eaten !

Y'all should once in your lives get to an Irish wedding. Oh my days......

We are having a very simple home grown wedding. Registry office for 50 people then a glass of fizz at our local pub then loads of people back to our house for a pot luck buffet with beer and wine

I've bought about 5 £15-30 dresses from Vinted to choose from and my beloved wearing an existing suit.

No cake no photographs no favours no entertainment other than a curated playlist and some musical friends bringing their instruments.

Decoration will be homemade bunting and fairy lights. We are planting tulips this autumn in tubs for flowers to carry and have around.

I think people take it way too seriously... you are getting married not "having a wedding!"

I'm marrying this year and it's costing around £5k, and this is with us paying for all drinks and a live band