Sister asks me to look after her son and I don’t want too

[SpunkyMintZebra]

Im on maternity leave, I have a 4 month old - I also have a 4 year old who goes to pre school.
My nephew is 4 also, on days he doesn’t go to nursery and the dad can’t have him, she asks me to look after him - this day my daughter is at pre school. I don’t want to look after him - my daughter isn’t with me and it feels weird looking after him whilst my daughter is in pre school, and also, I need a break! I have stuff to do in my house and also I need some ‘me’ time whilst I don’t have my daughter also with me. (Whilst baby sleeps I can relax)!
I Would look after him once in a while but she asks me at least every other week so I can’t say yes to her being ‘just this once’ cos she asks me again and again.
Before I was on maternity leave she coped but now she always has to ask me.
Its tough looking after 2 kids as it is and he is very full on and I would find it hard with him and my baby. If my daughter was at home with me it would be different as they would play together.
AIBU for not wanting too?

Call me harsh but I'd refuse completely as she sounds the give an inch take a mile type. You aren't wrong to need some quiet (or quieter) time with just the baby.

YANBU. Just lie and say you have something on

The word you are looking for is "No". Add "Sorry" if you feel so inclined.

Of course yanbu.
Start saying no.
You are not free childcare. You need to look after yourself and start saying No.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Your sister isn't thinking it through. It's perfectly obvious that with your older daughter at pre-school then you get a breather. And getting a break at these times is hugely important for your physical,mental and emotional well-being. You want to be the happiest and strongest you can be for your children (and husband!).

Say no and try not to feel guilty about it. It really has nothing to do with you and is your sister's problem to sort out. Tell her no and that you can't ever do it so that she stops asking you. By text if you have to!

No I’m on maternity leave to spend time with my new baby

Catch up on the weekend?

she’s being a CF … and not fair this is time to bond with your newborn

Just say no? Say you’ve got too much on your plate as it is.

Yanbu.

You've got a baby class that day, anyway, haven't you?

Just say no your busy/have baby class/feeling unwell and need a nap/washing your hair/no it's your kid I'm not a free childminder.

I agree, just tell her you are not prepared to have him while your own 4 year old is not there

No.

Keep saying it till she sorts out her own bloody childcare.

This would be my worst nightmare! Someone else’s kid to look after while I while my own was at Pre-school.
Definitely say No - invent a weekly class that you go to (one not appropriate for a 4 year old to attend with you).

Just say you need to go to a baby class that doesn’t allow older children.

You say that she coped on her own before you went on mat leave, but now "has to" ask you. Hm..

Relying on family for childcare should never be assumed and only works if everyone agrees. It's pretty simple really. Just be honest with your sis and explain you can't do it anymore unfortunately.

Why can't they put their 4 yo in a pre school like you do?

Quite ridiculous that they expect you to look after another child when you've put your own child in pre school to get time away from childcare!!!

Absolutely 💯 huge NO from me!

OMG no!!!!

Just tell her no, it’s your older-child-free day and it makes no sense to be paying for childcare for your 4yo and do childcare for hers!

It makes perfect sense that it’s easier when both 4 year olds are with you.

Does she ever return the favour, so have you 4yo when not at preschool?

"Sorry this is my only day to catch up on house stuff/washing and have a bit of chill time while the baby's sleeping and [daughter] is at pre school. I've also got a baby sensory class this afternoon and then have to do the food shop on the way home. I can ask at pre school to see if they've got any spaces coming up though if you're struggling for regular childcare for [nephew]?"

Or a variation of the above.

Why does she want you to look after him? Does she work? If so she should sort out a more permanent arrangement.

If she sees it as you are on mat leave and therefore can have him so she can have a break... Then obviously say no to the cf!

In your shoes I would definitely say no. Maternity leave doesn't last forever and I wouldn't want to spoil my time left with my baby by taking on more work!

Also, why isn't he in preschool? Shouldn't he get 30 hours?

"No, I have plans"

Which could be anything from sleeping to housework to chilling.

Of course YANBU. But you have to actually say no! Tell her straight 'it doesn't work for me having DN when my daughter is in pre-school. I need that time for myself and to spend with my baby'. If she tries to pressure you into it then she is definitely taking the piss!

Yes this for me, she’s asking you to do free childcare whilst paying someone else to look after your own child. “Sorry sis, happy to help in an emergency but I can’t commit to regular childcare as that’s my sanity day to get on top of things without little ones around to slow me down”

No this is time for you and your baby not free childcare - either book yourself onto a baby sensory class or something or simply say you aren’t available/ it’s not working/ you’re busy. She coped before she’s just using you as an easy out.