Sister asks me to look after her son and I don’t want too

[SpunkyMintZebra]

Im on maternity leave, I have a 4 month old - I also have a 4 year old who goes to pre school.
My nephew is 4 also, on days he doesn’t go to nursery and the dad can’t have him, she asks me to look after him - this day my daughter is at pre school. I don’t want to look after him - my daughter isn’t with me and it feels weird looking after him whilst my daughter is in pre school, and also, I need a break! I have stuff to do in my house and also I need some ‘me’ time whilst I don’t have my daughter also with me. (Whilst baby sleeps I can relax)!
I Would look after him once in a while but she asks me at least every other week so I can’t say yes to her being ‘just this once’ cos she asks me again and again.
Before I was on maternity leave she coped but now she always has to ask me.
Its tough looking after 2 kids as it is and he is very full on and I would find it hard with him and my baby. If my daughter was at home with me it would be different as they would play together.
AIBU for not wanting too?

I would make it clear that you send your own four year old to nursery on that day for the break you need and to have one to one time with the baby. If you take another four year old on it defeats the object of having your own child in nursery. If necessary add on other 'invented' reasons. You are going out to meet a friend. You have a bug. You are struggling a bit yourself and need the rest and the time( with a new baby and your own four year old this last bit will be true) 💐

I couldn't think of anything worse than looking after another 4 year old while mine is at nursery. Jesus it sounds like an actually punishment.

You're going to have to deal with any awkwardness and tell her a straight no

Don’t lie. That’s terrible advice. It suggests you’d do it if you didn’t have plans. Just say no you don’t want to. If she objects to that she’s very rude.

Definitely say no. Be honest about it. "Sorry sis, I'm a bit burned out with DS atm and need a few hours free of 4yo drama! You know how it is. Find I really need this time just me and the baby."

Will you be needing her for childcare further down the line? if so I would tread carefully. Don't want to burn bridges for when you back to work.

I just wondered is she asking you to look after him so she can work, rest, or something else?

@SpunkyMintZebra

Tell her she needs to pay for childcare like you do. End of story, she’s taking the mick.

Asking you to regularly babysit their 4 year old while yours is in nursery?! This is so rude!!!!

Wow rude much? I do actually say no most of the time, I was just asking if this was unreasonable 🙈

She works five days a week, son goes to nursery 3 days… she is short of childcare 2 days a week!

I would be telling her to fuck off and pay for childcare like you do. As if looking after a 4 month old isn’t hard enough.

Thanks for your reply.

Is there a particular reason why she cannot increase nursery time for her son?

She says she can’t afford it, although she earns very good money and has a lot of savings, I regularly have him the other day also when my daughter is off too.

Have baby classes that don't allow older siblings. Have medical check ups that clash with when he'd be arriving. But suggets family meetups where the cousins can get together with all parents on hand to care for them, not just you.

It's tricky.

Stop acting as her free childminder. She needs to pay or cut down her hours, like you and everyone else does.

Ah, then she needs to use her savings or income to pay for it whilst needed.

She is attempting to use you and you need to consider your health too. Don't let her use emotional blackmail.

Say no you need the rest. Its not your fault that she chooses not to pay from her income or savings. That's on her.

Why would it be unreasonable to say no? Seriously why?

Just tell her absolutely not. That's the whole point of your LO going to nursery is to give you a break.

I wouldn't say this as she could turn every ask into an emergency.

I would say no my child is in childcare because I’m too tired and I treasure that day with my baby. You need childcare.

repeat. No my child is in childcare because I’m too tired and I treasure that day with my baby. I have not put my child in childcare to look after yours. You need childcare.

Her not being able to afford childcare isn't your burden to bear. Does she ever offer to look after your 4 year old?

So she's using you to save on her childcare bill then.

If he gets 30 hrs free childcare, she won't have to pay much for the rest of the time. She needs to up his hours in nursery. Keep saying no and tell her to sort out nursery for him as you won't be babysitting him anymore.

You ok? You sound like a really angry person?

She’s stupid and/or entitled. But surely you know that it’s not unreasonable to say no, OP.