Sister asks me to look after her son and I don’t want too

[SpunkyMintZebra]

Im on maternity leave, I have a 4 month old - I also have a 4 year old who goes to pre school.
My nephew is 4 also, on days he doesn’t go to nursery and the dad can’t have him, she asks me to look after him - this day my daughter is at pre school. I don’t want to look after him - my daughter isn’t with me and it feels weird looking after him whilst my daughter is in pre school, and also, I need a break! I have stuff to do in my house and also I need some ‘me’ time whilst I don’t have my daughter also with me. (Whilst baby sleeps I can relax)!
I Would look after him once in a while but she asks me at least every other week so I can’t say yes to her being ‘just this once’ cos she asks me again and again.
Before I was on maternity leave she coped but now she always has to ask me.
Its tough looking after 2 kids as it is and he is very full on and I would find it hard with him and my baby. If my daughter was at home with me it would be different as they would play together.
AIBU for not wanting too?

No I can’t. I don’t want to. My focus has to be my baby. I’m not the solution for your problem. Book him into nursery full time.

Or just win the offended Olympics. You're really offended by her and need a break, you can't believe she'd take advantage of you like this....
Closer to the truth, you don't have to remember any lies and you control the narrative.

Yabu for not just saying no

just say, its not convenient this week, don't make excuses or give reasons.

For my sister I would do this
But obviously if you don’t want to,just expain thay you don’t want to

There's nothing wrong with saying it's too much for you. That you can't take on any more. Just keep practising the words so that you are comfortable saying them to her.

"I can't take him. It's become too much. I don't want to provide childcare while you work. You and (the father) will have to work it out."

"Please stop asking me. I feel like I'm being guilt-tripped into childcare that isn't my responsibility."

"I've got two of my own and that's quite enough. I don't want to take on any more."

"You're going to have to make alternative arrangements. It's not fair that you're expecting me to provide your childcare."

"No."

you don’t have to give a reason. Just say no sorry I can’t and leave it there if you give her a reason she will try to manipulate you further. You don’t over her any excuses you don’t owe her anything and it sounds like she’s not so keen to return the favour to you either so I would just put stop to it.

If you aren’t very good at saying no to people, it helps to practice in front of a mirror

Hi [Sister’s Name],

I hope you’re doing well. I wanted to talk to you about looking after [Nephew’s Name] on the days he doesn’t go to nursery.

As much as I love spending time with him, I find it really challenging to look after him while managing my baby and household duties. It’s especially tough when [Daughter’s Name] is at pre-school because I rely on that time to get things done and to have a little break for myself.

I need to be honest that I can’t commit to regular childcare for [Nephew’s Name]. I can help out occasionally, but I can’t do it as frequently as you’ve been asking. I hope you understand that it’s not about not wanting to help, but about needing to take care of my own needs and responsibilities.

Perhaps there’s another family member or a trusted babysitter who can step in on those days. I hope you understand and we can find a way that works for both of us.

Thanks for understanding,
[Your Name]

OR more direct

Hi [Sister’s Name],

I need to talk to you about looking after [Nephew’s Name]. As much as I love him, I can’t keep taking care of him on the days he doesn’t go to nursery. I’m overwhelmed with my own responsibilities, and I need the time when [Daughter’s Name] is at pre-school to take care of my baby and myself.

I’m sorry, but I can’t continue to help out with this. You’ll need to find another solution for those days. I hope you understand.

Best,
[Your Name]

Or, actually be direct.

No. That doesn't work for me.

Just reply - No I can’t look after your ds when my dd is at school because I need to rest when my baby sleeps. It’s the only time I get a short rest and it is impossible when looking after your ds. It’s so tiring with my two kids and being pregnant. I know you’ll understand

I figure it’s still her sister so she needs to be a bit more connected than a No

You sister is taking you for a total mug. Grow a back bone and say no, it’s you and your children who are suffering as a consequence.

Wow she's massively taking advantage of you OP. You've had some good suggestions of how to address this with her. Get a message sent or pick up the phone and get it over with. You can't go on like this

Hopefully he will be at school in Sept so less of an issue

Then don't.

Easy.

Sounds like your sister thinks you have the word MUG on your forehead.

Say you don't feel up to it, and she can't rely on your regularly because its taking the piss. Her child care arrangements are not your problem to fix.

Whats she going to do when you go back to work? Or is she going to expect you work less to give her free childcare?

This is bollocks. its her sister. That reads like a formal letter to a nursey.

Dear Sis - You are taking the piss by expecting this all the time. Your child care issues aren't my problem to solve. I am struggling with my own two and this is tipping me over the edge. Its taking me for granted and i feel emotionally blackmailed into it. My responsibility is to my kids first. I don't mind helping out occasionally but a regular arrangement isn't working. You need to find other arrangements.

Your sister isn’t bothered about imposing on you so I don’t know why you should care about upsetting her. “No, I can’t have DN as I have things planned and can’t have him.”

If questioned about what you have planned, I’d reply with, “you didn’t hear the part where I said no. It’s not possible for me to have him and you have to accept that.”

Be clear and consistent.

I'd just tell her nicely but plainly that you want to spend that one day bonding with your own baby, who you'll be leaving in the daytime soon enough so you'll no longer be available to do it. No need to lie, or justify. If she argues, repeat as necessary that you won't get that time back, and you have to prioritise your own children. If she gets very rude, then tell her she's being pushy, and no means no.

What is she going to do when your mat leave is up? What ever it is, she can do it now! I hate users.

This

"No" is a complete sentence.

She’s basically using you to subsidise her lifestyle. You say she earns well and has savings, so she feels her saving money at your expense is fine. You are wasting money on childcare and not actually freeing yourself up at all. The occasional Saturday night or desperate measure is one thing but expecting regular childcare is being a CF