Sister asks me to look after her son and I don’t want too

[SpunkyMintZebra]

Im on maternity leave, I have a 4 month old - I also have a 4 year old who goes to pre school.
My nephew is 4 also, on days he doesn’t go to nursery and the dad can’t have him, she asks me to look after him - this day my daughter is at pre school. I don’t want to look after him - my daughter isn’t with me and it feels weird looking after him whilst my daughter is in pre school, and also, I need a break! I have stuff to do in my house and also I need some ‘me’ time whilst I don’t have my daughter also with me. (Whilst baby sleeps I can relax)!
I Would look after him once in a while but she asks me at least every other week so I can’t say yes to her being ‘just this once’ cos she asks me again and again.
Before I was on maternity leave she coped but now she always has to ask me.
Its tough looking after 2 kids as it is and he is very full on and I would find it hard with him and my baby. If my daughter was at home with me it would be different as they would play together.
AIBU for not wanting too?

Agree with this. The longer the message, the less oomph it has. “No. I'm not doing it any more. Don't ask again.” is perfect. It shows you mean business.

‘I know it’s hard but I’m not an option on those days’

Reply to her 'I don't know what to do with' 'me either, good luck with sorting something out, I won't be minding anyone else's children anytime'

Making excises, trying to reason with her, explaining things to her just gives her grounds to keep pushing back. Be firm, make it clear you won't be doing it so there's no point asking.

I think what you texted to your sister was spot on. Her son is her, and her husbands responsibility, not yours.
The hard work starts now though, if she asks again you say NO and mean it. If she turns up and is desperate, the answer is the same. She will have to manage when your mat leave is over.
I do think your sister has relied on your good nature for long enough, mat leave is your time.

Tell her to look for a babysitter on local groups. That’s what she needs to do. Don’t look after her son anymore. Start every sentence with No. No I can’t look after your son. No it’s not possible. No you must get a babysitter. Tell her to not park in your neighbours spaces. She needs to see you have boundaries that are solid.

Not having him either day would be my option…. Unless she is prepared to have my child one day every weekend??? Think not! Or babysit both yours every Sat pm for a date night.

Her message is basically saying she will keep asking you. Stop replying to her messages asking for childcare. Just ignore it completely.

And if she tries to drop dc off, don’t answer the door.

And ask the management to clamp her car or get it towed away.

In response, I would say, ‘you need to sort out childcare’.

Agree, "we've already had this discussion" and try not to elaborate because if you give her reasons as to why not then she might just use them to argue with you.

Enjoy your mat leave.

Stop replying to her messages asking for childcare. Just ignore it completely

Yes, that would work too, and if at any point you're asked why you didn't reply you could revert to "Well we'd already had the discussion ..."

You're not her default when she's in a corner. She has to understand that and suck up the fucking car park charges, for god's sake.

@SpunkyMintZebra could you put your space on just park then book it yourself/mark it unavailable and tell her you’ve rented it out? 😬 also just don’t have her DC at all even when yours is home - she will keep blurring the lines.

Also, if she wants you as childcare, charge her the going rate. She is a CF.

If she says "I don't know what to do" say "I'm sure you'll work it out."
She's got two children, she holds down a job, she's not disabled or ill.
She will be fine!
As soon as she realises you are holding a boundary she'll move on.
Also, does she spend much time with you socially or is it purely you looking after her kids?
That is always a good thing to take note of because some people are very good at suggesting get togethers, acting charming etc and then you realise that you only see them at the front door picking or dropping of their kids.

Well, it's good that you've had a conversation but as others have pointed out, she either doesn't get why you're not running and jumping at the opportunity to mind your nephew when you have your own responsibilities or worse, she just doesn't care that she is imposing on your generosity.

If she asks again (and I have a suspicion that she will), you will need to have a sit down conversation with her and her partner/husband. Spell it out - you are no longer available to look after your nephew. I suggest including him because he is actually part of the underlying issue too. It took both of them to make your nephew and they have to sort out whatever childcare requirements they have between themselves. Yes, it will probably involve them having to pay someone to look after him but it is not your issue to resolve, it's theirs.

As for abusing the parking situation, if there are no consequences for parking there, she will continue. It's only if she comes back to find that her car has been towed or clamped will she stop. Is there any sort of signage in the estate/neighbourhood that says cars can only park for a maximum of 2 hours or anything really? You could rally the neighbours and get something in place and then someone could report this car as not being one belonging to the neighbours if you wanted her to stop.

She's a CF!

Now you have laid the boundary, I would ignore future requests by changing the subject.

As for the parking, there are likely more than just your sis. I would be inclined to ignore the parking unless you want her to stop. Then you could snitch on her to whoever regulates the parking. I would think that a little bit petty. Everythig else up I would agree with.

Say no and explain it as you have in this post. You put your own daughter into childcare for a break, so don’t want to care for your nephew as it defeats the point of doing that.

If she asks again, say no, keep answers short. She’s taking the mick.

She's making it your problem, instead of hers. But childcare is the parents' problem, not the aunts.

She still doesn't believe that you're not ultimately going to cave in and help her out. When you put a boundary up, people kick back at it. You need to maintain your boundary.

‘okay just sometimes I don’t know what to do’

You need to make alternative arrangements because as I said, I'm not available to help.

Tell her to put him in nursery that day. You aren’t a child minder