To ask him to clarify he won't hit me!?

[ThisIsMyNameOkay]

I've had a physically violent ex in the past. I've blanked out a lot of the things he did to me. I vaguely remember the police having to help me escape. It was a horrible time. I was very open about this past relationship with my current partner. It was 5 years ago. I still have some PTSD. I'm working on it. However my current partner decided to make a joke about hitting me. Well about 'punching me'. I didn't find it funny at all but I felt in the moment I have the right to just clarify whether he felt it was okay to hit a woman. Then he got incredibly angry with me. Starting shouting and swearing saying I was insinuating he would beat me?!? From
Me simply asking him to clarify his comment wasn't real? Context below;

In the sitting room. He talks about how he's been a bastard to me recently (he has, very angry and bitchy because he's tired from work) he said 'I'm surprised you haven't slapped me'. I then said 'it's never even crossed my mind, I've never slapped anyone' he then responded with 'well if you decided to then I'd probably have a reflex response and punch you back'..........
I then said, 'you wouldn't actually punch a woman would you?' (He's been in the army, he knows his strength) he then says 'well it depends, if you slap me, I'll punch you back, or like if we are playing slaps and you slap my face I'll slap you harder'. (During this entire interaction he's not smiling or laughing, dead pan face).
I feel disgusted. AIBU to want to walk away considering he's now had a go at me for questioning him about his comments

His answers, and his reaction, plus your description of his recent behaviour... Why are you still with him?

Leave him. He's told you who he is.

Just leave. He’s a wrongun.

I agree, he is telling you very clearly who he is.

Listen to him and believe him.

Crumbs. Why is he so angry? Sounds Horrid, Funny joke? No

Please leave this man before he starts hurting you.

Say goodbye to this oaf and safeguard your mental and physical health. You deserve to feel loved and safe.

Please get the heck away from him. The way he speaks sounds like a horrible bully.

He behaved appallingly towards you, and his form of apologising is to manifest a situation where he talks about him finding it acceptable to 'slap you harder'. While getting furiously angry.
Is that an apology or a threat of violence?

I'm not saying his army background makes him violent, but his reaction with fury when you asked if he'd ever hit you?

Red flags flying out of every orifice.

It reads like he deliberately engineered the conversation to cause a row. Forget asking anything of him and walk away.

This is what I don't get!! He's stormed into the other room now. Apparently 'I can't take a joke'. I'm 'making him out to be a wife beater' and 'it's been two years, if I was going to beat you up I would've done it by now'.

These are the comments I'm getting and I'm the one being made to feel guilty. I feel sick and confused!

I’m not usually a LTB person but on this ocassion I’m making an exception, absolutely LTB!!!

Don’t ask him a thing! Just move on. Most of us are ‘tired from work’, it’s no excuse for any of this. You are worth so much more.

I love your comment. I agree so much! Recently there's been so many arguments and he's been saying that I'm the issue all the time but surely this time, I have atleast a small part of reassurance that the way he's spoke is not right!!
Thank you

Walk away. He's an angry, aggressive and combative person. At this point it doesn't matter if he'd hit you or not, he's clearly comfortable verbally abusing you and that's more than enough reason to walk away.

Have you been having professional help with your PTSD and your previous abuse? I don't say this to blame you at all, but because people who have been in abusive relationships before are more likely to get into them again - because you're already numb to a lot of the warning signs.

I hope you're ok

'if I was going to beat you up I would've done it by now'

This line is a screaming red flag.

Stay safe

Do you live with him? How easy would it be for you to leave?

Trust your instincts OP and get out of this relationship.

Thank you for checking in on me. I've attempted therapy. It didn't go so well but I have trauma CBT starting next month (possibly a sign that this is the right time to walk away) I just feel so confused. This is why I wrote this down exactly as it played out because he's gone into the other room and made me feel like I'm the one at fault. Like I'm the problem. However I'm lying here feeling sick and confused and doubting myself again!! Thinking I'm just being dramatic or dumb 😭 I hate it!

Leave him and do the Freedom Project. I'd seek counselling for your past trauma. There's also the fact that your vulnerability will attract abusive men.
Best of luck
Oh, and well-done for recognising the red flags

You are not being dramatic or dumb. Please take care and LTB

I'm gonna get flamed here but I don't see anything wrong in how the conversation flowed. All I can see is him saying if he got slapped he would slap you back??

Can you leave right now? It's too late today, but in the morning? This is terrible- you poor thing! No one should ever have to cope with this kind of abuse.

Yes, it’s definitely the right time to walk away.
You said earlier that there have been a lot of arguments and he’s saying you’re the issue all the time. This is enough of a reason to end it, even without the horrible conversation about hitting.

' current partner ' do you live together ?
did you move in with him or he move in with you, or you found somewhere together ?
mortgaged or rented ? whose name is the tenancy in
do you have children ?

I've never slapped anyone' he then responded with 'well if you decided to then I'd probably have a reflex response and punch you back'..........
I then said, 'you wouldn't actually punch a woman would you?' (He's been in the army, he knows his strength) he then says 'well it depends, if you slap me, I'll punch you back, or like if we are playing slaps and you slap my face I'll slap you harder'. (During this entire interaction he's not smiling or laughing, dead pan face).

this isn't a joke he’s giving you an answer to a genuine question. He is not happy with your reaction to the answer so now he is backpedaling and being aggressive in his defence/response to get you to backdown and feel like you’re overreacting.

listen to it because one day something will happen and his defence will be well I told you years ago.

even if you take this out of it. You both are not working together so why flog the dead horse?

My suggestion would be to leave BUT stay single (not even a casual relationship) and get some decent therapy and do the freedom program.
abuse is insidious it removes boundaries so in new relationships you tolerate things you shouldn’t because “it’s not as bad” or it’s “different to last time” or “he’s not hitting me” “it must be me” and a myriad of other excuses because you can’t actually see things clearly.

then when you have rebuilt yourself then maybe think about meeting someone.

ITS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESNT TREAT YOU RIGHT.