To ask him to clarify he won't hit me!?

[ThisIsMyNameOkay]

I've had a physically violent ex in the past. I've blanked out a lot of the things he did to me. I vaguely remember the police having to help me escape. It was a horrible time. I was very open about this past relationship with my current partner. It was 5 years ago. I still have some PTSD. I'm working on it. However my current partner decided to make a joke about hitting me. Well about 'punching me'. I didn't find it funny at all but I felt in the moment I have the right to just clarify whether he felt it was okay to hit a woman. Then he got incredibly angry with me. Starting shouting and swearing saying I was insinuating he would beat me?!? From
Me simply asking him to clarify his comment wasn't real? Context below;

In the sitting room. He talks about how he's been a bastard to me recently (he has, very angry and bitchy because he's tired from work) he said 'I'm surprised you haven't slapped me'. I then said 'it's never even crossed my mind, I've never slapped anyone' he then responded with 'well if you decided to then I'd probably have a reflex response and punch you back'..........
I then said, 'you wouldn't actually punch a woman would you?' (He's been in the army, he knows his strength) he then says 'well it depends, if you slap me, I'll punch you back, or like if we are playing slaps and you slap my face I'll slap you harder'. (During this entire interaction he's not smiling or laughing, dead pan face).
I feel disgusted. AIBU to want to walk away considering he's now had a go at me for questioning him about his comments

Predators tend to be attracted to those who are already vulnerable, they are nice at first in order to draw the victim in, and most importantly to get the victim to trust them. Once you trust someone that gives them power over you, and those who are vulnerable to abuse tend to not have the right instincts for spotting those who seek to exploit them.
Next the predator will work to arrange things such that they have leverage over them, the victim is trapped, also stressed confused etc.

DP made a 'joke' once about how I hadn't slapped him yet and I replied similarly. His response, though? 'I'm sorry, I needed to check because I decided if anybody ever hit me again, I'd be gone' - his ex would do things like push, barge through him and hit him and laugh about it with her mates.

If you do meet her and she tells you what he's really like - believe her. And whatever you do, don't ever - EVER - tell him you've spoken to her or any of his other exes.

OP, he sounds like scum.
You are with another bad man.
Reach out to friends or family and get away from him asap.

You have missed that he is verbally abusive and then love bombs. You have missed that even he agrees he’s been a bastard towards her recently. You have missed that he presumably know she was beaten before and might be traumatised and so this ‘joke’ is at best insensitive and at worst an abusive power play. Get off your high horse and read the OPs posts properly with a bit of compassion.

How did today go OP?

I think the fact that you even wanted to meet her tells you all you need to know. It's also put you in a dangerous situation if he finds out.

I hope you're OK. I definitely suggest it's time to get out

I wouldn’t message or meet up with his ex.

I also wouldn’t stay with him. You shouldn’t need reassurance that he won’t hit you, you should feel that you can implicitly trust him, and he certainly shouldn’t be so aggressive given your history.

I think he's playing mind games, he wants to keep you guessing. He doesn't care if you're worried, and he's twisting everything to make you look the bad guy. He's a control freak.

Same.

Lots of emotional, ridiculous responses here.

I’m so sorry you had this conversation. Knowing your history he should be even more sensitive about his ‘jokes’ and ‘games’. That alone is insensitive enough.

However, I am also concerned he might be testing your boundaries. If this is the case, he will keep pushing them.

This might be a LTB situation.

Please leave him. He sounds aggressive and awful. That's very aggressive, controlling language.

Have you missed that he is verbally abusive and then love bombs her?
That he admitted he’d been a bastard towards her recently?
That he knows her history but still said this knowing it could be upsetting?

OP, how did the coffee with his ex go?

Based on everything you have said, I can only echo the other posters telling you to leave right now.

Even without this conversation about hitting his behaviour is classically the beginnings of abuse. I hope you are safe and can get out. I would suggest not telling him you met with his ex. I would just get out and cut all contact before he realises.

I'm sorry. But if you don't leave, this could be one of those moments you look back on with huge regret (like ignoring the exes in your previous relationship),

Hi OP - hope the meeting with the ex went ok if you decided to go and hope you are ok