If one spouse wants to rehome a dog, and the other doesn't, who should get their way?

[AnonAnonEmouse]

As title. Currently a huge source of tension in our home. In cases where a couple disagree on having another child say, on here the consensus is that the one who doesn't want one should get their way. Would the same principle apply here?

For the purposes of voting:
YABU - the one who no longer wants the dog should get their way
YANBU - the dog should stay

The marriage definitely won't break down over it

How can you say that for certain @Priscilla2024? If my DH tried to force me to get rid of our dog, I genuinely don't think I could ever forgive him.

Rehome the dog - otherwise it is being kept where it isn't wanted. Give it to someone who wants it and will love it.

I'm imagining some v big or boisterous breed that shouldn't have been chosen in the first place,

That's just silly and immature; one difference of opinion is not "fundamentally different values".
Do you really think people must be 100% in agreement on every value?
Marriage/partnershio is about compromise and consideration.

What has changed in the last year which means you have less time to give the baby dog than you expected?

How do you compromise in this scenario?

You can’t keep half a dog.

So from the extra information it seems as though no one is being unreasonable here- it's a sad situation and you have disagreement about how long to try to resolve it.

What about a compromise? Give it another 3 months to turn the situation around.

Do both sides trust each other on this?

Do both sides understand the emotional toll the decision will make?

I do think when someone has emotionally invested in a family pet, it's very hard to be made to give it up. I think it has to be a joint decision rather than a threat.

Why you thinking of having a child if you can't commit to a dog. Rethink relationship not dog. Person who doesn't want dog needs to leave of can't live with dog. A child is alot more stressful and limiting than a dog.

Either the person who wants to keep the dog takes on more responsibility or is prepared to let it go to a better home perhaps?
That is for them to resolve, communication is needed from both sides to find the best solution.

Both have valid points a dog is enormously restrictive it’s n ok t really something that can be compromised on
even if one offers to do everything the other person is still restricted I can’t see how they wouldn’t resent it

puppy stage is a nightmare it’s early days I think give it 6 months of training then review if it hasn’t improved re home it

Your dog is part of the family. Both partners made a commitment knowing life could change, you could lose jobs, get sick and other changes in circumstances.

You’re dog part of your family now, you both have responsibility towards it and you need to make it work. To give it up because it’s a bit of extra work or inconvenience is wrong.

Poor dog.

(And also it’s nothing like the child scenario outlined in OP, because you already have the dog now - it’s not like deciding to have a child that doesn’t exist yet)

What has changed in circumstances?

Frankly, the principle that should operate here is that you do what is best for the dog. That may or may not be rehoming in a responsible way. But please look at it like that, instead of who gets their way because they want something.

This is so dramatic! There are lots of people looking to re-home dogs, it's not ideal, no, but dogs adapt.

If they have kids, you seriously think the family should split and the kids have to bounce between homes and all that does with that, for the sake of rehoming a dog? Only on Mumsnet.

OP - having a dog is a huge commitment and you can't always appreciate that if you haven't had one before or having grown up with them etc. Yes, you should both have thought about this beforehand but it doesn't always work like that. As long as your dog isn't on the dangerous dog list and is of nice tempament, I'm sure it'll find a new home quite easily.

@Foxyaus but if you read the OP's posts, that's already been suggested.
However, it means the other person will naturally have to take on more of the other jobs (as their partner will be out or busy with the puppy) which they're not happy about.

It depends on who is more bothered about the outcome.

@AnonAnonEmouse In this situation, if the dog is ruining one person's life, I'd rehome. Regardless of the ethics of the situation, everybody should feel comfortable with their home life. The person losing the dog who doesn't want it to go I think will feel less discomfort in the long run than the person who's wanting the dog to go.

100% relationship over dog in this situation

It’s obvious you want to keep the dog, OP, but you need to get rid of it.

Your family is more important (and no, the animal is not part of your family).

Your kids deserve to have a proper family, not divorced parents and a broken home because their grown ups prioritised a dog.

This is so very sad and absolutely awful.

There is no way I’d give up my pet that I promised to care for.

Give up the spouse that wants to rehome the dog would be my answer!

And what about the kids you had? Happy to give up a loving family for them and force them into a broken home over a bloody dog?

We once got a puppy and we both worked and puppy was lonely and miserable. We knew that we had made a dreadful mistake. I knew his best chance of being rehomed was when he was still a cute young puppy. I contacted the breeder and explained I didn't want my money back but could she rehome the dog with a family. Luckily my mother, who was retired with other dogs, volunteered to take him and he had a great life with her.

I am rather aghast that you have waited till he's 11 months old and you are now trying to rehome a nearly grown animal with behavioral problems. On the other hand, you sound hopeless owners so the dog might be better off being rehomed. I find the pair of you despicable and immature. This is not about some absurd analogy about children but about what is best for this poor dog.

For me it would depend on what’s best for the dog. If your lifestyle means the dog is left for long periods for example or if it’s a working dog and you don’t have the time/land to exercise it enough then a more suitable home needs to be found I’d say.

if the family can't properly care for a pet, then the pet needs to be rehomed.

TBH it completely depends on what behavioural issues the dog has.

If it's a bit of separation anxiety or nervousness or it submissively urinates, they can be fixed fairly easily by a owner who knows what they are doing and is willing to put the time in.

Reactivity or aggressiveness or severe separation anxiety (to the point the can't even be left in a room alone and makes itself sick) are very hard to fix, even for very experienced owners.

But, I think regardless of what happens the owners should never get another dog and their marriage/relationship is probably over. One is a responsible pet owner and one isn't - they are just too different tbh. People who take their responsibilities and commitments seriously never last in a relationship with lazy people who just fob off their 'problems' (in this case the dog) on other people.