If one spouse wants to rehome a dog, and the other doesn't, who should get their way?

[AnonAnonEmouse]

As title. Currently a huge source of tension in our home. In cases where a couple disagree on having another child say, on here the consensus is that the one who doesn't want one should get their way. Would the same principle apply here?

For the purposes of voting:
YABU - the one who no longer wants the dog should get their way
YANBU - the dog should stay

Is the dog a rescue? Or did you buy the dog as a puppy? How long have you had it?

@Graciiee
@JustTalkToThem and @GCAcademic yes sorry, I knew someone would have said it.

It's not the same comparison.

That being said I would say, like the situation where the baby arrives and one was not in agreement, based on the info given, the relationship is over. One takes the dog.

Sorry what - your marriage is damaged because of a dog? I'm just gonna go out on a limb and assume it was damaged before, because that's an insane reason to make that comment.

The first few weeks/months with a puppy are an actual nightmare - can't talk for older dogs as only ever had puppies but if you rehomed a vulnerable animal then a) you should have done your research and b) it'll need some settling in time.

Personally - whoever wanted the dog to go, would be going. Dogs are a member of your family, and I wouldn't be having a family/being in a family with anyone who could disregard any one of them, including the animal members, because it's inconvenient.

Your post is contradictory - you say the relationship shouldn't be damaged because of a dog yet go on to say that whoever didn't want the dog would be going. This is exactly how it's causing damage. The spouse who wants to keep the dog feels it is part of the family.

That’s how I feel, @Reugny . If I became too unwell to look after my dog, for example, I’d rather that he went to live with someone who could give him what he needs.

Of course, if I could find a solution like paying a dog walker, I’d do that.

The spouse who wants to keep the dog feels it is part of the family.

Is that spouse willing and able to do most of the care and training?

Some additional information please @AnonAnonEmouse - How long have you had the dog? How old is the dog? Is it a rescue? Is it the only pet in the household?

If the dogs needs are being met by the other person then the no-dog side needs to suck it up.

If the dogs needs are not being met, or you can't compromise to meet the dogs needs, then the dog needs to go to a home that can meet its needs.

What is means for the relationship and not being able to come to a compromise is too complex for a MN thread! We don't know your life setup, personalities, relationship dynamic - but regardless of this at least one of you, most likely both, has let the poor dog down.

A dog should be part of the family.

I’d keep the dog. They’re already here, so I think you have a responsibility to look after them. I’d think less of my partner if he suggested getting rid of our dogs with such weak reasons tbh.

One person is going to have to back down and either accept the dog or rehome it. The environment can't be the best for anyone, dog or humans, at the moment. Everyone is suffering by the sounds of it. I would say the dog has to be rehomed. I can't understand ending a marriage because someone has chosen a dog over their spouse.

Yes this is vital! Also could it go back to the breeder or rescue?

Don't want to go I to too much detail, however dog was bought as a puppy and is now 11 months old. About 2 months ago we both had doubts about our ability to manage and provide everything the dog needed with other demands on our lives/time. The behaviourist said the issues we are having can be fixed but was doubtful about whether we could realistically achieve it given everything else going on. One partner wants to put the work in, the other feels it's too much and that the behaviourist even agreed. The partner wanting to keep him is willing to put in the work but this does mean that other responsibilities then fall on the partner who wants to rehome, adding to the resentment.

Op is it a situation where everyone wanted a dog but it turns out only one person is doing all the work and they’re now resentful?

What did the aggrieved party think was involved with a dog??
They obviously didn't do their research so it's on them.

But keeping the dog may mean a miserable existence for the animal so may be better off re homed. In which case, the non dog fan should organise the rehousing while the other gives final approval....

A possible solution?

What breed of dog?

Yes it's about the animal's welfare not humans disagreements, petty or otherwise, on who actually takes care of him/her.

One of the issues a few people I know have with having pets is that they go on holiday more than once a year or for 4-6 weeks. As they don't have a decent sized social circle of people who will help or can't afford boarding fees they don't have pets.

This is whether the pets are tank animals/caged animals especially those that have to be handled/let out frequently, or dogs, or cats.

Dogs are for life not just for Christmas springs to mind. I love my dogs, my life revolves around them and I’d leave a partner before I left my dogs. Tbh even the suggestion to re home would be the end for me.

it really boils down to what’s important to the person wanting to keep the dog, their life and relationship or the dog.

easy choice for me

Are you going to return the dog to the breeder when you say re home

If you both aren't on board, it's pointless. Really irresponsible to take the dog on in the first place. Please rehome via a reputable rescue rather than selling.

The person who failed to do their research will have to suck it up in my view.

I would completely lose respect for someone who would just abandon a family member like this purely because they don’t want to put the work in.

I would genuinely leave any partner who made me choose between them and my dog.

What about a pet sitter for times you want to be out and / or a dog walker during the day? Or doggy daycare?

They are a huge commitment, as others have said, you should have both realised what this would mean to your family Iife.

I strongly feel that when one partner wants to get a dog and the other doesn't, the one that doesn't should absolutely get their way.

But when it comes to getting rid of a dog, then the one who wants rid doesn't get their way, unless the reason they want to get rid of the dog is for safety eg the dog has bitten a child in the house.

You're 11 months in to having the dog. You started having doubts 2 months ago.
You might have another 10 years of this OP.
Can the partner who wants to keep the dog make the necessary sacrifices for 10 years?

You keep the dog and both put the work in. It's a living creature entirely dependent on you. You don't dispose of it just because you're a bit bored and want to go on holiday instead.