If one spouse wants to rehome a dog, and the other doesn't, who should get their way?

[AnonAnonEmouse]

As title. Currently a huge source of tension in our home. In cases where a couple disagree on having another child say, on here the consensus is that the one who doesn't want one should get their way. Would the same principle apply here?

For the purposes of voting:
YABU - the one who no longer wants the dog should get their way
YANBU - the dog should stay

Not sure what you thought taking on a puppy would entail tbh.

Sounds like you haven't had the poor thing long, the first few months are really hard.

Not sure what the solution is here because you either put the poor pup to be rehomed and probably fuck up the dogs life and your marriage, or keep the pup, be resentful and probably fuck up your marriage.

Unless one person bought the dog off a bloke in the pub and brought it home as a fait accompli then I'm guessing this was discussed .

As it is not an aggressive dog , just too much work and someone simply CBA then shame on that person.
Animals are not disposable toys and it is not as hough Rescues are queuing up to take your unwanted dog .

Who is it in your house that wants to rehome the dog

Well, in order to keep the dog, some changes need to be made. Can you sit down and discuss how to make those changes without getting into an argument?

If the appropriate changes really can’t be made, the dog would be better off with owners who can adapt to its needs.

In cases where a couple disagree on having another child say, on here the consensus is that the one who doesn't want one should get their way. Would the same principle apply here?

As another poster pointed out, this principle only applies at the stage of thinking about getting a dog.

If you don't have the dog already then the person who doesn't want one gets their way. If you already have the dog then the person who wants to keep the dog gets their unless there are proper mitigating circumstances.

As you already have the dog then I'd expect a bloody good excuse from a spouse to rehome it.

Who’s the main carer for the dog - the re-homer or the keeper?

This ^

Agree with many other comments about commitment to pet ownership, should be in it for the long haul and so on.

But if, for example, it was a case of DH/dad and DC wanting a dog, DW/mum not wanting the dog, mum being overruled, and lo and behold mum ends up becoming (as is so often the case) the main carer for the dog despite never actually wanting the poor dog in the first place....then actually I think rehoming would be fair.

At the end of the day it's about the dog's quality of life.

I’m not a dog person or even a pet person. And I think rehoming or euthanising an animal is far from the worst thing that can happen to it.

But this is completely unfair to the dog - a commitment was made to the animal, the drawbacks of which are very obvious to anyone with any sense. It’s not like dog is aggressive or you had a massive change of life circumstances. It’s not fair to pull out just because dog is hard work and curtails your freedom - sometimes in life you take on things you regret or things are harder than you expect but you just have to stick with it because that’s what decent people do.

I genuinely could not continue a relationship with someone who would just discard an animal like that. I would think so little of them as a person that I’d realise we weren’t compatible. Some exceptions apart such as aggression, etc after training advice had been sought.

I don't really want to say which of us is for/against as wanted an unbiased view. I'm sure if each of us started a separate thread with our own take on the situation we'd have posters agreeing with us (although as this is AIBU maybe not 😂)

I fear what other pp have said is correct - damage has been done to the marriage already regardless of the outcome.

Depends entirely on the circumstances. If it’s a question of re homing because of aggression rather than just an inconvenience issue. I’d divorce DH if he wanted to re home the dog though 🤣

It clearly reads as it being OP who wants rid of the dog. Sadly this is the type of thing you should really have thought through. But if you genuinely can't give the dog what it needs then rehome it to someone who would love and appreciate it.

Does the person who wants to keep the dog do the majority of the care?

It's not funny. Or a casual 'lol let's ask if we should get rid of the dog'.

@FlyingPandas has a good point. If one person particularly wanted the dog, but now expects the other one to do most of the care, that’s unfair.

I accept that I’m the main caregiver for our dog, even though my teenagers said that they’d help with walks, etc. They don’t, of course.

My XH wanted to get rid of the dog because he was bored of her. She was seven at the time and no behaviour issues or anything like that. I got rid of him. Although, it was symptomatic of other issues in the marriage.

Given that you are both adults and the dog is entirely dependent on your care, surely you should both put your differences/preferences aside and do what is the right thing for the dog.

If you don't have the time to meet the dog's basic needs e.g. training, then it's not fair to keep the dog. If you don't train him/her you are storing up much worse problems for the future and it would be best to give the dog the chance of a good life elsewhere.

YANBU - the dog should stay

I did wonder if the OP wanted to rehome but then the voting goes against this ?

I'd be re homing my partner before rehoming my dog 🐶

People like you make me sick. You take on an animal, knowing that they should be with you for the next 12 years, and because you haven’t bothered to train it, work on it’s separation anxiety, or bothered to research how much time and effort they take, you are just going to rehome.

Because, of course, they are disposable.

I agree, @Churchview , they should do what’s best for the dog.

My dog is 6 and I would get divorced if my dh wanted to rehome him

Going back to read now so this has likely been said.

DO NOT compare the possibility of another child to the conscious purchase of an animal.

The comparison would be the giving away of the child, if one such comparison were to be made, following the arrival of same.

IMO no dog should be rehomed unless someone dies or a very few other genuine reasons. You take on a pet, you’re responsible for it. They’re totally reliant on us.

The only reason my dog would be rehomed is if I died.

It isn't fair on the dog to be on a household where they don't get what they need if there is a better alternative.

I knew two people well who rehomed their dogs, one of the dogs I actually lived with. They were able to find people who could take better care of their dogs than they could.

My DP has cats that have been rehomed to us. The owners wanted someone who could care for their cats better than they could.

We adopted our dog when her previous owners realised they didn't have the time for her.

She was two when she came to us and we devoted our lives to her for 11 years until she died in August. When we first got her she was untrained and afraid of everything - we trained her so she could walk off lead with safety and knew lots of little tricks, we slowly built her confidence so that very soon she was the most wonderfully happy little soul willing to give anything a try. She came on holiday with us, walked in the hills and on the beach every day and if she couldn't come somewhere with us - well we didn't go.

That's what dogs need. Love, time, prioritisation.
My only regret about her was that we didn't have her sooner because I think her life before us wasn't too good really.

Either let him/her go OP or revise your priorities so that you meet your dog's needs.