If one spouse wants to rehome a dog, and the other doesn't, who should get their way?

[AnonAnonEmouse]

As title. Currently a huge source of tension in our home. In cases where a couple disagree on having another child say, on here the consensus is that the one who doesn't want one should get their way. Would the same principle apply here?

For the purposes of voting:
YABU - the one who no longer wants the dog should get their way
YANBU - the dog should stay

What is the reason for re homing the dog?

Rehome the spouse who doesn't want the poor dog.

The analogy of the extra kid doesn’t hold. It would hold if you were thinking about getting a new dog.

you’ve already committed to this dog. Unless there’s aggression that can’t be solved with dedicated work, you should uphold that commitment

Yep. The dog stays. The partner who doesn’t want to live with it can leave. The relationship will be over anyway.

Depends why you want to rehome it - if it is aggressive or your child has turned out to be allergic then yes, otherwise I don’t think pets should be treated as disposable.

If there's no compromise then generally the status quo wins out. So that means no creating a new child in one scenario, and no rehoming a dog that's already a part of the family in the other scenario.

Your analogy re: more DC doesn’t work at all.

Depends entirely why you/your partner want to rehome the dog.

I'd get rid of my partner before rehoming either of my dogs

Poor dog should be rehomed rather than being forced to live in a house where he/she is not wanted.

Not sure the dog is compatible with the family in the sense that other demands are making it difficult to give the dog the time and training it needs. Resentful of the restrictions eg not being out for too long, holidays etc difficult if not impossible. In essence not fully appreciating the commitment involved until it was already here.

Absolutely this. So sad.

Very much depends on the reason. Aggressive dog that holds a risk to you and others - re home or PTS in extreme cases. Dog that barks excessively annoying neighbours and no amount of training helps (or similar) - re home.

No particular issues but just a change of mind - no. You’ve committed to this dog and only really extreme circumstances should change that.

Edited as just seen your update: no. All of this should have been thought out before committing to a dog. It’s really awful to get rid of it because of these reasons.

How old is the dog and how long have you had it op?

Absolutely depends on the reason for rehoming - and the arguments for not

A partner who couldn't see they were providing a miserable life for their dog but wanted to keep the dogs as 'I luffs him' I'd rapidly find unattractive

Equally if dog had bitten my child or child had a serious allergy. Dog then doesn't come first.

However if you both committed to the dog and one of you now doesn't want to walk it in the rain, dog stays as you committed to it and that includes walks in the rain.

How long have you had the dog? (And we need pictures to give an accurate answer).

If a puppy, then things do improve with time?

Who’s the main carer for the dog - the re-homer or the keeper?

I view taking on an animal like having a child. One would not just rehome a child they didn't want anymore, so same for a dog.

I concede that a dog is "only" an animal, but it would have to be very extenuating circumstances.

Training can easily be accomplished as part of normal life, so it's only walking then. Presumably walking was considered before the dog arrived?

Totally different to not wanting a child. You've already got the dog, like if you already had a child.

What an idiot. I've never owned a dog but none of that would come as any kind of surprise.

How old is the dog? How long have you had it? What have you tried to help your situation?
Generally speaking, I'd say status quo wins.

If you didn’t have the dog, the one who doesn’t want the dog is the one who should get their way. Once that person has agreed, they’ve made a commitment and should honour that. It is an ongoing discussion between the two where the one struggling would say what their problems are. It’s not about getting their way, it’s that you’ve entered into a commitment together and so now you need to communicate to find a way of adjusting to this commitment. Same as if you’d had a baby but it was more full on than you’d originally planned.

Getting your own way is a really childish way of phrasing and is automatically going to mean the other isn’t open to discussion. It becomes about winning and not compromising to find a solution.

I think it's so important for people to appreciate how much commitment a dog is before taking one on.
I took on an elderly rescue (now sadly passed) and the adoption centre were great; did a home visit before allowing me to take her, checked my job allowed for me to leave her no longer than four hours in a row etc.

This!!!

How did you not have these conversations before you got the dog? Had neither of you had a dog before?

Sounds like you’ve not had the dog too long? Is it a puppy? Could you contact breeder who could find a suitable owner?

How does this situation play out time and time again on MN!? I don’t even like dogs mostly because I’m aware how freaking hard work they are. How can your partner have not realised??

I suppose it depends how far this will travel. Do you think your partner would walk out on you vs keeping the dog? If it came down to them vs the dog who would you pick? And could you ever forgive your partner if you did get rid of the dog?