If one spouse wants to rehome a dog, and the other doesn't, who should get their way?

[AnonAnonEmouse]

As title. Currently a huge source of tension in our home. In cases where a couple disagree on having another child say, on here the consensus is that the one who doesn't want one should get their way. Would the same principle apply here?

For the purposes of voting:
YABU - the one who no longer wants the dog should get their way
YANBU - the dog should stay

Keep the dog.

It's still a baby and once trained will be much easier.

However, I love dogs. I would leave my partner rather than re-home my dog

I would prioritise my marriage over a pet.

You don’t say what your change in circumstances are since you got
the pet but I can imagine many (bereavement, serious illness, dramatic change in finances or career) which could be reasonable grounds to rehome.

Im assuming your spouse is thoughtful, compassion and sensible, and the wish to rehome isn’t just them being lazy / giving up easily. Which isn’t reasonable!

If I've committed to owning a dog, it would take something major to shake me from that decision. Something like "I can't afford to feed it" or "I have new health problems that prevent me from caring for it" or legitimate safety concerns. If it's more a matter of one person wishing they didn't have the extra annoyances and responsibilities that come with a young dog, that's just not good enough, imo. I'd lose a lot of respect for my spouse if he wanted to get rid of our pets because they sometimes make life inconvenient.

It's impossible to give a nuanced answer without all the details, but I think once you've committed to the dog, you stick with it, unless you're incapable of providing the dog (and other members of your household) with a reasonably safe and happy life, if you keep it. The partner who has had a change of heart doesn't get to insist on getting rid of the dog without some seriously good reasons. The time to veto the dog was before adopting it.

You got the dog as a puppy and, whilst in your care, he has developed behavioural issues beyond the scope of standard puppy training classes; a behaviourist is now involved and even he/she has expressed doubts about your ability to 'fix" the issues.

I don't say any of that unkindly but I would be more worried that without a joint commitment to training the dogs behaviour will continue to deteriorate and then it will be difficult/impossible to re-home him. If the dogs best interests are the priority then I think rehoming now, whilst he is still very young gives him the best chance of a good life. The new owner would need to be aware of the issues and have the experience and time to do the training.

If you don't already own the dog then person who doesn't want to commit trumps. If you have already taken any animal into your home then absolutely not OK to want to remove just because its inconvenient & doesn't suit your holidays....if it has bitten or is aggressive towards children then of course it should be removed fro.your household...any other reasons nope you should have thought it through before welcoming the pet. As the advert says.. a dog is not just for Xmas but for life.

The one that has most of the responsibility and does most of the work (without slacking in other areas) decides.

I'll buck the trend and say DH > DDog.

That said, it's still a puppy so hopefully things will chill out with them in the coming months.

OP’s list are all the reasons I never gave in to getting a dog, despite years of kids begging. If I had given in and gotten a dog, having considered all those issues, it would be my tough luck and regret and I would have to live with it. IF there were no kids involved but my partner had made great promises about how they would look after the dog but then reneged on all those promises, that might be a different scenario.

The dog should stay unless there has been a very significant change of circumstances that could not have been foreseen, meaning that the dog's needs cannot be met. Examples include (but are not limited to) loss of a job or income, adults in the home unexpectedly not being able to wfh, diagnosis of an illness (of anyone in the household) which means walking and making time for dog has become very difficult. Basically any change of circumstance that negatively impacts the dog. Or aggression.

Strongly agree with this. I love dogs, I adore my current dog and would never give him up but I think it's absurd to sacrifice your relationship in these circumstances. Dogs are highly sensitive to bad 'vibes' in the home and generally respond well to being removed from a damaging environment to a calmer, committed one. This situation sounds toxic all round for you, your partner and the poor dog.

Too late for this. These should all have been very carefully considered before getting the dog. Dog stays.

It depends on what issues are presenting themselves and the permanency of the changed circumstances.

If it is a new job where both are out of the house all day then you pay for doggy daycare a few days, ask for flexible working, get a friend or family member to call in, get smart tech to help and so on.

If it is a bereavement or a relative needing increased care that can be worked around too.

If one of you has become permanently disabled to the point where you can’t manage the dog - rehome.

If the dog has aggressive tendencies and you have a new baby or baby on way - rehome.

If they are liable to seriously injure anyone and you don’t have the time to train - rehome.

If you're not both on board then do the dog a favour and rehome. I don't say this easily. I've always been a 'my dog is part of the family, regardless'. I'm in my 50's and have only ever had 1 yr of my life without a dog. I thought of all the lovely things I could do without a dog but when it came to it - there was nothing I liked more than being out and about with a dog. It's part of who I am.
I've had difficult dogs for sure. You deal with it, like you would a child. You make adjustments. The only reason I'd probably rehome a dog is if it was aggressive.

There is strain on your marriage.
The dog behaviourist doubts you can fix the issues.
The dog deserves a home where it is wanted, believe me, they know when they are not welcome in your home.
Basic marriage counselling will tell you to reduce sources of conflict if possible.
I suggest you work with an animal rescue group/foster, and find the dog a better home.
And go to marriage counselling.
It is pointless to be blaming and bickering, you can both agree it was a mistake and move forward

IMO, it depends on who is doing the bulk of dog care.

If due to Partner A's other commitments, Partner B is doing almost all the feeding, shit cleaning and walking and Partner B doesn't want the dog as they feel overwhelmed with it all, then Partner A needs to either find a way to take on more dog care or agree to re-home.

It sounds getting a dog was a bad decision for your family from the beginning, as compatibility with family life and troubles with holidays were foreseeable problems.
Moreover, you say that there were a significant change of circumstances on top of that.

Use the change of circumstances as an acceptable reason to re-home the dog and get over it. Prolonging the misery isn't fair on anyone.

I think your marriage is over. Such fundamentally different values

It sounds like a dog isn’t compatible with your lifestyle/circumstances; instead of the partner picking up the slack of the one who’s willing to put in the work, can you outsource some of that work (cleaning or whatever is needed)? If you can’t prioritise the puppy’s needs it’s better you rehome.

There is no way I would sacrifice my quality of life or my marriage for the sake of a dog.

The dog will be just as happy, probably happier - given the circumstances, living with someone else.

I’ve got two dogs, hell would freeze over before they were rehomed and my husband would be out of the door for even suggesting it. They’re family.

Dogs are a commitment, grow up and get on with it.

I think the current idea that you can’t leave a dog at all is unrealistic and over the top. We leave ours for a few hours and they just sleep. Dog sitter for when you go away.

It's not really about who gets their way and who doesn't. It's about the dogs quality of life.

I think it's sad and no, I couldn't give up a member of the family... however I believe my MIL should give up her 2 y/o Aussie shepherd b/c he isn't being given the life he deserves. He's not abused, he just deserves a bigger yard, active family, more attention etc.

So that's my question - what is better for the dog?

Could have a lot longer than 10 years of this. My dog's just turned 16.

I'm not anti rehoming. If a dog's needs aren't being met it would be better off with someone who will meet those needs. Disgraceful however that people get these pets on a whim without a thought to the work involved. It shouldn't be a surprise that a dog is a huge commitment in terms of time, effort and finances.

Our dog came to us from a similar situation when she was 8 months old - they did the right thing rehoming her, she's had a wonderful life with us.

The way I read it, is you were both crap at training/ dealing with the dog for about 9 months at its behaviour was out of control. One partner has realised that they don't have the time/ effort/ inclination to train a dog you've essential not bothered to train since it was a pup. This partner wants to get rid of the dog. Other partner has suddenly decided they want to work on/ train the dog, but to the detriment of other aspects of shared domestic life, and expects the partner who wants to surrender the dog to suddenly take over doing things so they can focus of a dog they previously didn't really give much time to. Sorry, I'd be with the home who wants to re home, they are being more practical, than the one who thinks they are suddenly going to magically change their approach and become an effective dog owner

It sounds like neither of you put the effort in to train and socialise the puppy, and now it has behavioural issues, one wants to get rid whereas the other feels guilty and wants to try and work through it.

Dog ownership only really works out if both adults in the household are on board. Dogs are a tie, they need consistency, they need time and training and effort. If you have one partner who isn't interested, resentment builds really quickly and it rarely goes away.

Sadly I think the marriage will likely end regardless of what you do.