Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Would you leave your DH to go on these trips with kids ?

216 replies

holsquestions · 30/05/2024 07:16

I've recently had to have a career break due to absolute burnout. My H is self employed and was unable to pick up any home stuff at all, so I was trying to manage absolutely everything on my own, whilst working full time in a senior ( well paid ) position. I have two kids under 5. I also have a chronic health condition that's very serious.

In any case, I've left the workforce for now, but I do plan to return next year. I need to heal and recover for now.

My family live abroad, so I've recently taken my children on a couple of 1 week trips to see them. Life in the UK is still quite lonely for me. I still do everything on my own ( think bed times, dinners, cooking, house work etc etc ). But I just don't work right now on top of it.

Anyway, my family have suggested going away for a couple of weeks in the summer together. My H can't make it because of work, but he can go later on in the summer. H gets just one week in summer, we usually go for 6 days or so with the kids.

I would really like to go on this trip with my family and think it would be great for the children also. But I just feel a bit bad about leaving H. Would you do that ? I really need support and company at the moment and it's difficult to get that at home right now.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 30/05/2024 07:17

Yes.

This is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

DustyLee123 · 30/05/2024 07:18

Of course you should go, he won’t starve without you.

Doingmybest12 · 30/05/2024 07:23

Yes I would if I felt I would get the support I need and if I felt like I never saw my husband at home. I know other woman who absolutely wouldn't be away from their partner for that long and feel it's their duty to do all the domestic stuff at home. What is your husband busy doing work wise that he can't be involved in family life? I'd go for the trip.

Bankholidayhelp · 30/05/2024 07:23

Yup, go.

ChesterFoxE · 30/05/2024 07:26

100% go.....he can't help you at home so let your family help. Good luck.

ThePoetsWife · 30/05/2024 07:27

Yes.

You need to think about what measures you need in place next year when you return to work.

The situation you describes is not sustainable so it needs to change.

Nottherealslimshady · 30/05/2024 07:29

100% go.

Original poster
holsquestions · 30/05/2024 07:29

ThePoetsWife · 30/05/2024 07:27

Yes.

You need to think about what measures you need in place next year when you return to work.

The situation you describes is not sustainable so it needs to change.

We have agreed if I go back to a similar position, then we will need a housekeeper for 2-3 hours a day, 5 days a week.

He does get that it's not going to work otherwise

Another option is going into a less intensive role etc. maybe something part time.

I said I would leave until after summer to even really think and look for a new role etc.

OP posts:
Youcannotbeseriousreally · 30/05/2024 07:30

I think you need to consider the impact of costs and on your husband if he is the only one working to support your family now. Does it seem fair that you are off on holiday whilst he pays the bills?

I get the need to rest, but he’ll be in the same position soon if you put him under too much pressure! It doesn’t sound like he gets much time off?

Yellowhammer09 · 30/05/2024 07:30

I'd go if I were you!

EatTheGnome · 30/05/2024 07:31

If youre taking the kids that's a holiday for him too.

Go. This period in life will pass so do what you need to to get by.

ThereAreNoSloesOnThere · 30/05/2024 07:32

Yes go. I am in a similar situation and have taken both mine to my home country 3 times on my own. I also take them on holidays within the UK when DH is caught up with work. I felt guilty at first, but DH does not mind (he relishes the peace!) and he's not much of a traveller or holiday person anyway.

Original poster
holsquestions · 30/05/2024 07:32

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 30/05/2024 07:30

I think you need to consider the impact of costs and on your husband if he is the only one working to support your family now. Does it seem fair that you are off on holiday whilst he pays the bills?

I get the need to rest, but he’ll be in the same position soon if you put him under too much pressure! It doesn’t sound like he gets much time off?

He doesn't get much time off at all.

Thankfully my family are paying for the trip.

But yes of course he's paying for bills etc.

It's a lot of pressure for sure, but he makes good money. It's entirely possible for him to support the family on his own for a bit.

I also have savings.

OP posts:
Youcannotbeseriousreally · 30/05/2024 07:32

holsquestions · 30/05/2024 07:32

He doesn't get much time off at all.

Thankfully my family are paying for the trip.

But yes of course he's paying for bills etc.

It's a lot of pressure for sure, but he makes good money. It's entirely possible for him to support the family on his own for a bit.

I also have savings.

Show quote history

Will you support the family on your own for a bit when he needs a break?

Original poster
holsquestions · 30/05/2024 07:35

@Youcannotbeseriousreally

I definitely could if I'm working. But I very much doubt my H would be capable of working full time and looking after the kids and household like I have done.

He also wouldn't want to look after the kids and not work.

OP posts:
MrsClatterbuck · 30/05/2024 07:39

Go op it's only a couple of weeks. Taking a career break due to burn out is no light thing. You must of been at breaking point. Think of it as therapy to help your recovery. You will hopefully get to spend sone time on your own. So glad you have family who are willing to help you

Mrsjayy · 30/05/2024 07:40

I think you should go on holiday with your family it sounds like you could do with the break and recharge, think about work another time.

Echobelly · 30/05/2024 07:41

Absolutely go. When my first dc was tiny and I was in mat leave I went to to stay with my parents in their house in my mum's home country for 3 weeks and DH joined us after a week because he couldn't take that long off work

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 30/05/2024 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
holsquestions · 30/05/2024 07:44

Echobelly · 30/05/2024 07:41

Absolutely go. When my first dc was tiny and I was in mat leave I went to to stay with my parents in their house in my mum's home country for 3 weeks and DH joined us after a week because he couldn't take that long off work

I did the same when my youngest was a newborn as I had absolutely zero support at home and was seriously depressed and thinking about just driving into oncoming traffic every day. Also just breaking down in tears in supermarkets etc.

It was so hard. Coming to stay with my family helped me just have some company. I still did all the night feeds etc alone, but at least I had company.

It's company I've craved ever since I became a mother. I just get so down with long days alone with my children and wish I had more company.

OP posts:
Original poster
holsquestions · 30/05/2024 07:47

@Youcannotbeseriousreally you can't because you don't know the whole situation at all.

You have just a snippet of it all.

OP posts:
Youcannotbeseriousreally · 30/05/2024 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsDTucker · 30/05/2024 07:49

Will your family help with the kids?

Usually holidays with small children are more stressful than being at home aren't they?

Original poster
holsquestions · 30/05/2024 07:49

MrsDTucker · 30/05/2024 07:49

Will your family help with the kids?

Usually holidays with small children are more stressful than being at home aren't they?

Of course

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 30/05/2024 07:50

youcannotbeserious
hopefully your name says it all? So OP does everything else at home and he can't put a wash on and microwave a meal for 2 weeks. * *