Friend making plan to meet up several weeks in advance.

[Longlazyday]

Am I being unreasonable to consider let this friendship go?

Messaged a friend to suggest meeting for a coffee. They have suggested August. 🙄

2024?

Is there a reason why they can't move sooner? Holidays? House move! Are they a teacher?

I often make plans weeks in advance but August seems ages away!

Up to you really but I’ve got no free weekends between now & August, such is life. Have you suggested previous dates to meet up, when did you suggest?

It is nearly June so August actually may not be as bad as it first sounded. I sometimes have plans every weekend in a month weeks before.

It depends in her reasons, but this could easily be me.

I work full time, have dd 50/50 with her dad so weekends she is with me I avoid arranging with friends.

I chaperone for dds dance school and we have exams and various shows/performances lined up over the summer months at local galas etc which is pretty much every weekend during the summer.

I am also a school governor.

I genuinely get bugger all free time so I do tend to plan things in well in advance.

Currently I have one weekend in July where I don't have something scheduled.

It depends on circumstances: is she planning to be away, has extra work on weekends, learning to drive, training for a marathon, has no childcare?
I mean it is odd but not unbelievable. I would expect her to give you a reason for this.

We live in same area, no caring responsibilities, nor demanding jobs. Suggestion of a straightforward coffee - one hour max.

Maybe something going on, I would ask her.

I could meet a friend for a drink before August 2nd but it wouldn’t be easy tbh, I have a bunch of deadlines, a work trip and my own stuff to sort out and being so busy I’m wrecked and would be much better company once things have calmed down.

A friend and I were discussing diaries the other day and between a holiday, work travel and deadlines she has not one free day until July 26th.

Neorher of us would dump each other based on that! It can happen

@pizzaHeart I had wondered. If so, if August soonest to meet, I’m not considered a friend close enough to be honest with.

@Longlazyday Why are you making it about you? She may already have other plans to things she was invited to first

I've just arranged to meet up with a friend for lunch and mid-August was the first date we both had free.

It's just the way it works sometimes.

@IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece - I think that’s the issue, absence of a discussion so not possible to be mindful of what’s going. I feel I’m being kept at a distance or I value the friendship more. So there is an imbalance. I think this is it.

Have you replied? I’d say “Seriously? You can’t squeeze in an hour for a coffee before then?” and if she still says no I’d be cutting her off.

That might be the case OP but I would respond something like 'that's a long way off, is everything ok?'

@Longlazyday If you really need to chat or something could you
message her and tell her so and ask if there's any change of meeting sooner? Offer to meet near where she lives.

do you have an active social life - is that where the imbalance is?

I think it's time to cut her off if you feel like you make all the effort in the freidnship
but not just because she has plans!

Do you need to meet on a weekend or can you meet on a workday lunchtime or something?

If you wanted a weekend, I'd struggle before then. Also I've never had a pre-arranged "coffee" that only took an hour.

Personally, as it's a friend I would have said something like "oh can you not do earlier than that? Have you got something going on at the moment?" or words to that effect.

Afraid I couldn’t stand this. Unless your ‘friends’ are actually the Prime Minister (perhaps poor example, he doesn’t do that much work) or on leave from the forces only in August, they clearly don’t see you as a priority if they can’t make an hour for you.
I bet they could spare an hour to scroll on their phones.

To me meeting for a coffee is no biggie; a quick catch up/check in. Planning that far in advance for something pretty light touch, other things are likely to take priority.

If she has an international career or you know she is busy most weekends, I wouldn't think anything of it, but it wouldn't be for me to wait months for a coffee, I am a bit flaky myself sometimes between health problems and the kids, so I would not want to book up one specific date in August in case I couldn't make it! I do things much more spontaneously now for that reason. Two or three week's time- fine, several months time and I'd check in nearer the time to make it work.

That certainly seems logical to me.

As a one off it wouldn't bother me. I have periods where I am super busy, although in my case it's because I have caring roles.

But you don't know why she is like this. You may need to dig a bit deeper to see if you're compatible.

I had (note had) a friend who was adamant that things had to be organised in advance. Even to the point of not accepting an invite to dinner at my place for a Friday because 3 days notice was too short notice. Then she complained the following week that she had had a really boring weekend with nothing on. That's when I realised that we weren't compatible friendship wise.

I would feel rude challenging someone when they offer a date. I would respect that’s the date they have available.

Yes. It’s a shame but we are probably, and with the best will in the world, incompatible. Best to let this gently fade away.