Friend making plan to meet up several weeks in advance.

[Longlazyday]

Am I being unreasonable to consider let this friendship go?

Messaged a friend to suggest meeting for a coffee. They have suggested August. 🙄

You could comment 'blimey you're busy' and see what they say. I think it's ok to very lightly wonder what they're up to. That's a chat friends have.

I have a couple of friends who are so busy at weekends so a Saturday or Sunday meet will be arranged way in advance usually. It's fine, they're booking me in when they have the time to really spend with me rather than rushing off to their next commitment.

I think you sound quite selfish op. People are very busy at times, and perhaps a more compassionate response would be better. I haven’t any free dates until August either. August isn’t that far away.
She clearly wants to see you as she has come back with dates, there just not at a time that suits you.

Clearly she is busy otherwise she would be able to meet up next week! So maybe worth checking in with her. You may only know half the story. If you care so little for the friendship that you would choose to end it for these reasons then she’s probably had a lucky escape!

We had friends like this and we’d get pencilled in literally months in advance. I wasn’t so bothered about it being a few months ahead, we’re all busy. However, what ended the friendship was being cancelled on last minute one too many times because they had a better offer.

That’s really rubbish! Nope I wouldn’t have that either.

If you asked me today it would be mid July before I’m free. In between work, a holiday, volunteering, appointments, other engagements and training I have a Friday afternoon free in July. After that I become a bit more flexible 🙈🤣 The events I volunteer at don’t have a set end time either so can’t suggest after those so they wipe a day out

Sometmes life just gets in the way. I wouldn’t take offence. I’d just pop the date in my diary as something to look forward to

I'm not sure I could keep up a friendship with someone too busy to make time for me for a quick coffee without planning it months ahead. All relationships need nurturing or else they wither and die.

They haven't indicated that they need anything from you! They are busy for the next few weeks, that's it. You are reading far too much into this and making it all about you.

I'm shocked that you would let this fade away before actually asking if there's an issue, seems very judgemental.

I hate this too OP. I have a friend who does this. Problem is sometimes one of us then has to cancel as something important comes up and then to reschedule it is another 2 months or so.
To be fair I think my friend is genuinely busy, but I find it off putting as I don’t like pencilling in things so much ahead of time for something like a coffee/casual lunch meet-up.

I rarely book holidays that far in advance

Yea I'm with @Ratisshortforratthew . I value dynamic and spontaneous friendships too and wouldn't bother with someone who can meet me for coffee max 4 times per year due to their scheduling issues. I think with people like that you never have the opportunity to form a meaningful friendship because you see and speak to each other so rarely that all you have time for is catch up on what has happened since the last time and then it's time to go again. Then you do the same the next time, and the next time...

If she isn't one of your closest friends I would just let that friendship fizzle out and focus on friends who doesn't run their friendships like a military operation.

It would depend on the person - you probably know who is genuinely very busy, whose interpretation of busy is unloading the dishwasher, who doesn't really want to meet and who is pulling a power move.

It also depends on you and your feelings around this. Do you enjoy her company enough for all this scheduling? Is she likely to cancel/forget when August comes? Would you be better off thinking of her as an acquaintance rather than a friend now?

There are only 9 weekends until august. A two week summer holiday might take three of those if it's Saturday-Saturday and the person doesn't want to meet up the day after they get back. Couple of kids' birthday parties, a summer wedding or two, a weekend visiting family. I can easily see how it's possible to be that booked up.

I know someone who said in January that she didn't have a free weekend until September - this was a colleague mentioning it casually, not someone I was trying to meet up with, otherwise I'd have assumed she was lying to avoid me!

If you work FT Monday to Friday with kids activities on top, it's very likely most people have other stuff on weekends and book up in advance. This is not an insult to anyone.
Also as someone said further up, if they 'book' you in and then never let you down that's different to flakey cancellers.

Like a lot of people I struggle with too many social engagements. I just can't do things every night of the week, so I've learnt to spread things out. You might look at her diary and wonder why she can't just "fit you in" but perhaps, like me, she knows that one extra thing that week would leave her completely wasted for a few days. It doesn't mean you don't like someone or enjoy their company but it's self preservation.

A bit weird they can’t find 1 hour between now and August. If that were me I think I’d need to re-examine my life and workload. No wonder people are increasingly suffering with anxiety. Or , she’s just not that bothered. Only you can know that. I’d move on and focus on others with similar patterns to you.

I’m definitely the spontaneous type. Find it amazing people are booked every night and day until August. Really? That’s bonkers.

It's easy to find out how important you are to your friend. Just don't take it any further and see if you ever hear from her again.

This is often me. My weekends get booked up very quickly. Some people I will meet midweek as I'm self employed and can be flexible, but I have friends who can't do that. If you want to ditch your busy friend then crack on, I don't think they'll be that bothered.

I'm like this, it's harder for me to organise stuff but I tend to explain and when i do book a date i don't cancel. Nice to hear you appreciate us @Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong 🤣🤣🤣

I have friends who do this. No problem at all. Stick it in the calendar and there you are.

It does. People are busy, and we're going into prime holiday time as well when many are away. It probably isn't the personal insult you perceive it to be.

I'll be friends with her! I love making plans in advance.

I’m trying to arrange a catch up with a friend and offered 2 dates. One at the end of July and 1 mid august. She said ‘is that all you’ve got?’ And the honest answer is yes. Unless you want to look at mid October. I’m busy. I have a busy life and lots of plans not just mine but the kids and my husband etc. it doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t value the friendship. She could just be busy

I’d book in the date but not stress too much if it ends up getting cancelled. This is what frustrates me - when you spend ages to-ing and fro-ing getting a date in the diary and then when it comes they are too tired and suggest “tomorrow”.

I’d be so much happier if I could go for one hour coffee dates with people rather than a big meal or drinks that takes up a whole evening. I wonder if people don’t see it that way - my idea of friendship heaven is a quick walk and a cup of tea. I wonder if others don’t see it that way and think of it as having to give up an evening or weekend, needing to get dressed up or tidy the house and get special snacks in, or spend ££££ in a bar or restaurant.