To think that if you have a destination wedding, you should pay for your guests?

[rhubarbcrumblez]

Been invited to a destination wedding that is looking to cost around 2k for flights and accommodation. Most guests I have spoken to have pulled out due to the cost and I am going to have to do the same. Bride is really upset.

AIBU to think that if you choose a destination wedding and expect a large group to come, you should pay for their travel and accommodation too?

I think you have to either pay or expect that only the very closest people to you will come and even then may begrudge it.

What was the bride expecting?

No I think that would never work.

However I don’t think the bride should be upset or surprised when people can’t come

They shouldn't pay, but equally can't expect everyone to attend. Perhaps they might pay for the close family/wedding party, depending on their circumstances.

YABU

Most people have a destination wedding knowing that some of their invited guests won’t want to come. It’s a way of weeding out unnecessary guests. If anyone close to me said they were having a destination wedding I’d be thrilled to go. Yes I would have to pay long in advance but I would see it as combining a holiday with lots of people I love and seeing them get married too.

Well very few people could afford that I would think.
BUT you also can’t get upset when lots of your guests decide that they can’t afford to come.
It’s one of many reasons why I don’t understand destination weddings at all.
Especially not ones that expect more then very close family to turn up.

Just to add I think the only time you should have a destination wedding is if you want a small ceremony, as most people just won't be able to afford to attend.

My ds had a long haul wedding to a country I’d never wanted to go to and couldn’t afford. Neither could my parents. She was really pissed off I didn’t spend my last fucking penny going. Hey ho.

Absolutely yes. For me, the appeal of the destination wedding is to escape and celebrate privately so I will never understand why people expect all their friends and family to spend money and annual leave attending! I find it incredibly rude and entitled. I’ve been to one. It rained!

You pay or expect only a few guests. In this day and age, the latter is probably the most common. Even if people have the money, not everyone can get time off.

I always thought the point of a destination wedding was to keep it very small.

Of course your whole circle isn't going to be able to go. It's not just the cost, it's the time/leave from work too.

No they shouldn't have to pay. However, they need to be prepared for a much lower turnout than they'd hoped for.
Its a gamble

No, I don’t think you should, but you do need to accept some people won’t be able to make it.

If someone has chosen a destination wedding they have no right to get pissy if people can't come. That is one of the trade-offs.

I don't think they should pay for everything (although guest transport on the wedding day, free bar etc is a nice touch when people have travelled) but they should certainly expect people not to go.

I've been invited to quite a few weddings abroad but the majority have been because one or other of the couple is from that country, and/or they live there. I've never begrudged that, but I admit the one pure 'destination' wedding I went to I ended up resenting because of the demands for days either side that came with it. It wasn't just a case of booking what was affordable and turning up at the wedding like the others, it was all dictated.

I don't think you should have to pay, but you should accept that most people won't want to spend their own money on coming.

It is ridiculous for the bride to be upset about people not forking out!

No, I wouldn’t expect the couple getting married to stump up for what is essentially a mini holiday for other people. However on the same hand why on earth would the bride be upset that people can’t randomly find £2k to pay for a trip to a destination that maybe they never even wanted to visit. Destination weddings are usually for very small, intimate groups or an elopement. Most people I know who go down this route have a wedding with only a handful of people (like parents and siblings) and then have a post-wedding party on their return to the UK.

Depends on how much you want others to attend and whether you know they will be able to both in terms of time and money.

We had a destination wedding. We invited friends and family to join us at their own cost. (14 close friends and family joined us for the actual wedding.)
Knowing many would not be able to join us we threw a traditional wedding breakfast and a big evening do when we got home.
It was perfect and I got to wear my beautiful wedding dress twice😀

I think when you book a destination wedding you are getting married by yourselves and perhaps with immediate family. Anyone else is a bonus.

Exactly this. I know a woman who had a rough family, and she purposefully chose to marry abroad so they wouldn’t come.

It saves the social awkwardness or controversy of not having certain guests you feel obliged to invite!

No, I wouldn't expect that. Weddings abroad are a way of weeding guests out, so paying for everyone would negate the whole point. I do think people need to understand that some people they may genuinely want to be there won't be able to or want to attend, and they need to deal graciously with those refusals.

A destination wedding is very close friends and family; if anyone else wants to come, that’s a bonus. No issues if they don’t.

I wouldn’t expect the B&G to cover the cost, but they also need to be prepared for people to refuse the invitation.

We got married in France. We booked a Chateau with rooms and paid for the accommodation for our bridal party, family and all partners (about 45 people). We invited 80 thinking (slightly hoping) that not everyone would come… they pretty much all did. It was lovely though. I think it’s unreasonable to expect the couple to pay for everyone, if you don’t want to shell out, just don’t go…. But it is unreasonable for the couple to then be upset if you don’t. We’ve been to a number of abroad weddings, some pretty far flung with 8+ hour flights. The only ones I’ve rolled my eyes at a bit is where they expect you to attend lots of other events which they also expect you to pay for… and if they don’t have a free bar on the day!

They don’t have to pay for other people, but should expect few people will want to come.

Yeah I wouldn't expect them to pay for me but they're being dicks if they get upset that people won't/can't come. That's not fair.

I really believe in people having the wedding they want. Most of the things that gets people frothing don't bother me, like evening invites. But they do have to realise that some choices rule some guests out.