To think that if you have a destination wedding, you should pay for your guests?

[rhubarbcrumblez]

Been invited to a destination wedding that is looking to cost around 2k for flights and accommodation. Most guests I have spoken to have pulled out due to the cost and I am going to have to do the same. Bride is really upset.

AIBU to think that if you choose a destination wedding and expect a large group to come, you should pay for their travel and accommodation too?

No I dont think they should pay but they cant expect anyone to turn up either. Unless it had been discussedbwith very close family like a family holiday with a wedding, but you also invite eveeyone else with the full expectation that noone might be able to go. Are people that deluded when it comes to their wedding that they reallg believe they are an A list celeb and all their friends are millionnaires. I keep reading these ridiculous things about weddings on here, what happens to people that turns them into deluded self centred sociopaths !!!

We married in London, where I was from and where we lived, but for DH’s family and friends it was technically a destination wedding. We paid for their hotel accommodation, took them out for dinner the night before, minibuses to and from airport etc, and of course open bar. Quite a few stayed on after for a longer break (including one guy who’d booked the wrong flight so ended coming back to ours to stay).

In DH culture it’s expected to cover accommodation costs, though (but guests have a cover your plate gift policy so their gift reflects this). We in turn have had our accommodation paid for. In other destination weddings (but the bride’s home town), we paid for our accommodation but transport to/from reception, pre wedding meal night before, open bar etc all covered by the couple.

Absolutely not!! However they need to understand people won’t be able to come - and I do understand why they’re upset because it’s a shame the day they imagine can’t happen.

One of the many reasons we never considered a destination wedding.

Of course they shouldn't have to pay for guests. It's to be expected that some people won't want to or be able to come.

I wanted a small wedding and to guarantee the weather. All my close friends and immediate family came and quite a few more people asked to but we kept it small.

Mumsnet hates an abroad wedding but I've enjoyed the 2 that I've been invited to. Holiday plus wedding, what's not to love? I like holidaying with friends and family though.

If you have a destination wedding you have to expect only a few people will come. They obviously can’t pay for everyone but they have to accept that not everyone can afford it or want to spend their holiday budget / precious holiday days on going to a place they haven’t chosen. Nobody should be upset.

I think people have a destination wedding because they're looking for a backdrop with a wow factor, or because they want hot weather. It's their choice but there are so many threads on here about how divisive it is, because of the cost and inconvenience. I don't know if anyone could afford to pay for the guests, but am guessing in you want a wedding in the Maldives or wherever, you know it's not going to be a big event.
Their choice, no point in getting upset.

I've been to one where everything flights/hotel etc was paid for, they were very wealthy though.
I wouldn't expect that though, I would expect them to be understanding that many people would choose not to attend though. I also don't think you should expect gifts for destination weddings, but that might be controversial opinion.

Given the ludicrous cost of weddings in the UK these days I am not surprised some folk have taken a punt on an overseas ceremony. As you say, throw in some sunshine, amazing food and some picturesque backdrop it makes for an attractive proposition. How many UK weddings have you been to in some hum drum run of the mill hotel that serve the same beef Wellington you had at the last wedding and hosted in the similarly decorated function room with the band playing the same playlist?

I never mind a destination wedding as we just turn it into our annual family holiday and extend it to 7 or 10 days. Best of both worldswe getvour family holifay but we also get a holiday with friends and their kids too.

When its been someone we aren't that close to we just don't go

I haven't been to those sorts of weddings, but I'll take your word for it that they're common.
I've been to a wedding where the couple didn't have much money, but it was lovely and friendly and informal. A very happy day.
If people want something a bit more glamorous I can understand why they'd chose a cheaper overseas venue.

Who expects guests to have to stump up £2k to come to what is in effect a fancy party (especially as with many destination weddings the legal bit has to be done in UK first). You must have a very high opinion of yourself if you think people would be happy to pay £2k.

I do think if you choose a destination wedding you should be prepared to help fund close family to come.

In the old days when people first started having destination weddings it tended to be just the bride and groom. Not sure when it then became a thing to invite hoards of guests.

Exactly this.

I chose a destination wedding knowing it would leave only my closet family and friends there, this was what I wanted. I gave 2 years warning so those who wanted to come could save. We had 45 guests. Everyone I wanted there, was there. About 40 people turned it down. I didn’t have a party on return as I had no reason to.

I would never pay for guests. If they’re upset that’s their problem.

"It's a way of weeding out unnecessary guests"

I think that's a bit harsh, what if those that can't afford it are the bride/grooms parents etc?

Are they really "unnecessary"?

Mumsnet hates weddings ESPECIALLY overseas weddings

I think that's a bit selfish. If you've invited direct relatives/important people in your life your presumably want them there or you'd have eloped. Therefore the wedding is a tiny bit about them.

You can't really just then ignore the cost involved to those people, especially with today's cost of living.

I knew someone who got married abroad. None of her family (parents, siblings etc) could afford to go. She had 1 or 2 friends there, he had his whole family there.

And she was upset about it too. I don't know what she thought would happen.

As pp said, getting married abroad is just for you. Don't expect that anyone else can afford to come (or get time off work, use up AL, get pet sitters/babysitters etc)

But it's a bit arrogant expecting people to potentially save up for a wedding they obviously have no say in, it's not like a holiday.

It’s also a way of weeding out friends and family on low incomes.

There have been times when even working more than full time I’d of been thrilled at the idea of a destination wedding but still wouldn’t have been able to afford to go to it.

The actual destination does make a difference too. A destination in France might be doable for people (working very hard) on low incomes but American or similar not so.

Ive even been to posh weddings of dear friends in London in the past where we’ve spent over an hour nursing one drink because two drinks were £25 and that was nearly half a days wages on min wage at the time!

Not everyone’s circumstances are the same so it’s best to be a little appreciative of anything guests do to attend of try to acknowledge the marriage in other ways.

TBF, Manchester can be a destination wedding if you look at the cost of train travel in this country! If you're not spending £££££ on train fare on the day, you get a 'cheap' fare but then have to spend on a hotel!
The cost of being a wedding guest, wherever the nuptials are held, is bonkers

@DaisyChain505 it's a bit sad when 'unnecessary guests' are all the closest relatives though?

@Hoppytobes why did you invite 40 people you didn’t want there? How much did people have to pay to attend?

Reality TV has a lot to answer for. I don't think the bride should pay for everyone but I do think they should get real about the fact not everyone is a celeb who can drop everything and jet off to wherever they feel like it at the drop of a hat. Money wise and annual leave wise.

Anyone noticed how much more difficult it is to get leave these days: and how grudgingly it's granted? If you're in the NHS, say, even if you book months in advance you're not guaranteed to get it, just ask any junior doctor.

It's almost like you have a choice in the matter as to whether you attend or not.

@TheCadoganArms I still that there is the presumption that family members like parents will pay up to attend even if others don't. I don't think it's particularly fair to potentially price out you're own parents.