To think that if you have a destination wedding, you should pay for your guests?

[rhubarbcrumblez]

Been invited to a destination wedding that is looking to cost around 2k for flights and accommodation. Most guests I have spoken to have pulled out due to the cost and I am going to have to do the same. Bride is really upset.

AIBU to think that if you choose a destination wedding and expect a large group to come, you should pay for their travel and accommodation too?

I had a destination wedding. Would never have been able to pay for guests flights and accommodation. But of course I also completely understood those who weren’t able to come.

I think u need to pay or expect people may not be able to afford it and not be able to attend. If you can’t afford to pay for everyone that’s the risk you take.

i really wanted to get married abroad but I knew my friends and immediate family wouldn’t have been able to come.

I’d have a destination wedding so I didn’t have to invite loads of people!

No. Although people who have these destination weddings rarely think of other people. There was one on DH side of the family where the bride wondered aloud to me whether I thought it would be ok to ask people to pay £50 each on top to have their wedding breakfast at the fancy hotel at the resort that we'd just spent £2k each on for the week.

Exactly this. I know a woman who had a rough family, and she purposefully chose to marry abroad so they wouldn’t come.

I have always wondered about this as a reason for this type of wedding.

No, I don't think that the couple should pay for everyone. I also don't think that the couple should feel put out that guests decline the invite because they cant afford to/don't want to fork out to come to the wedding.

They shouldn’t have to pay BUT they should scope out the affordability with people they really want there and be prepared to compromise if they need to before they book. We got married abroad but didn’t invite anyone. Not in a bad way we just wanted it to be for us and had a party in uk later on.

No you are not being unreasonable.

That’s most people’s annual holiday budget, and that’s before the cost of living went mad. I think it’s a loss of perspective to think people would want to have their one big holiday of the year be your wedding. Weddings can be fun but there is also a lot of standing around. I’d never ask that of people no matter how in love I was!

DSIS had a destination wedding. It was amazing.

They provided accommodation for the wedding party for the night before and after the wedding.
All other guests had to sort themselves. However, all food and drink for 2 days was supplied and they asked for no presents.

A friend did something very similar.

To be honest I have been to a few UK based weddings that have cost me way more then a wedding in France or Italy.

Yes, but at least you don't have to get yourself to the airport, get on a flight etc. don't tell me a car or a train journey within your own country is as stressful or inconvenient.

I have flown to Scotland for a few weddings, arguably a domestic flight is slightly less hassle then an international flight but not by much. Have also spent several hours in car trying to get from London to Cornwall which was a he'll of a lot more stressful then a 90 min flight to Marseille or wherever.

Well, ideally they should pay but that’s probably unrealistic for most couples.

I don’t think couples should expect anyone to attend a destination wedding (by which I mean overseas). We got married in the Caribbean precisely because we didn’t want guests!

I think it’s outrageous to expect friends to use up leave and spend thousands just to attend a wedding They’re eye-wateringly expensive enough for guests even if you do it at home.

I think you should absolutely pay for the bridal party. One of my friend's had a destination wedding and only provided the dresses for the bridesmaids. It cost a fortune.

I just will not go in future.

I expect most couples would expect a much diminished guest list with an overseas wedding. I also suspect that was half the intention in the first place.

Significantly less hassle than an international flight!

If we are talking about european travel then not really. Add some time to get through passport control and that's about it.

Passport queues, all manner of delays, plus airports are such awful places. It always seems to take longer than you expect.

No they shouldn't be expected to pay, it isn't just about the cost of travel, there is using their annual leave, kids in school, childminding, pet minding, going to a destination that is nice for a wedding but crap for a holiday etc etc.

What they should do is invite who they want to come and make it clear they completely understand if they decline.

I have only been invited to a couple of weddings abroad, thankfully I am old enough my very close family and friends married decades ago before all this destination holiday expectation of guests nonsense!

Both were a straight decline, one understood, the other got shirty, again thankfully I am old enough to have no qualms explaining how choices have consequences.

The only difference between domestic and international travel is passport control, and unless you are really unlucky that takes less then 10 mins in most European airports. I'm not much of a fan of airports either but it seems you are reaching for problems that don't really exist. Given the choice or flying to the south of France for a long weekend attending a wedding or spending several hours driving to the west country or up to the lakes or wherever to attend a wedding I would look forward to the former more!.

I wouldn't be expecting the Bride & Groom to pay for my flight & hotel if I attended their destination wedding. It's my choice to accept the invite & go so why should they pay? I'd be honoured to get an invite as a lot of couples only ask those they're close to & consider good friends (if not family). If you can't afford it don't go. I'm sure you could arrange a night out with the happy couple when they get back if you want to celebrate their marriage, that's if they're not having a 'home party' for everyone that couldn't make the wedding.

I wouldn't expect to be paid for but I always immediately turn down destination invites because it's just not doable for me. I think if people choose to do that for their wedding they must accept the consequences. One friend was actually stunned when I said no and appeared to have conveniently forgotten that I was a single parent on a low income with a disabled child. Not happening!

YABU
However if I did a destination wedding I’d pay for my parents and daughter. They’re the only people I’d really want there badly enough to pay for.
everyone else : I wouldn’t expect anyone to fork out £2k to attend

We had a destination wedding - 3 day event. Accommodation was at a discounted price- guests had to pay for flights / travel / accommodation. We paid for food/ drink for 3 days for all plus hosted a party for the masses 6 weeks later. 25% of the people we invited overseas didn’t come which was to be expected. Think everyone came to the party later on.