To think that if you have a destination wedding, you should pay for your guests?

[rhubarbcrumblez]

Been invited to a destination wedding that is looking to cost around 2k for flights and accommodation. Most guests I have spoken to have pulled out due to the cost and I am going to have to do the same. Bride is really upset.

AIBU to think that if you choose a destination wedding and expect a large group to come, you should pay for their travel and accommodation too?

We got married abroad. I didn't expect people to come but invited everyone- around 120 people. 80 came. We paid for my grandmother but everyone else paid for themselves. We did pay for a meal before the wedding, free bar on the day and transport to and from venue. On return we did have a bigger party with about 150 guests. It wasn't a super expensive place though- short haul Europe.

No. But then you shouldn't be arsehole and have a wedding that involves your guests stumping up loads of cash in the middle of a cost of living crisis

No

I got married in France, gave about a years notice. Probably sent out about 100 invites knowing full well about 50 would attend. Those who did attend were close friends and family, kind of how I wanted. Most of the guests opted to bolt on a holiday after the wedding and stuck around for a week or more. The village we had the ceremony in was pretty rural and very cheap in terms of accommodation and eating out. In France there seems to be less if a tendency to double the price of everything when you mention the word wedding.

Yabu saying bride should pay
yanbu in not going and bride is stupid/selfish if she didn’t see this coming

We had a destination wedding
Our families are about 100 miles apart. So if we had it where I'm from his family would all have to travel and stay over. If we had it where mine are from his would all have to travel and stay over and if we had it in the middle everyone would have to travel including us to a place we don't know. We weren't bothered about a big wedding so we had a destination one and it was very much this is where it is, lovely if you can join us, no problem whatsoever if you can't. And we meant that. It wasn't one of those deals where the B and G get loads at the expense of the guests paying for rooms. It was a separate venue. So everyone stayed where they wanted and did their own thing for the holiday or joined in stuff if they wanted. We provided transport and a free bar and said absolutely no gifts and we meant that too. People had paid enough.
By all means have a destination wedding but understand that this will limit numbers. It's not just money it's annual leave etc.

No, but you should only have a destination wedding if you’re happy with it being a small wedding and happily accepting that most people (even sometimes very close family) won’t be able to make it.

Brides (and grooms) need to decide what exactly they want from their wedding.
Is it celebrating with family and friends or an exotic holiday with photo opportunities.
I actually think it is rude to put your guests in the position of having to spend thousands to attend your wedding. If it is something pre agreed with closest family then fine but don’t just announce that this is what will be happening and assume that your guests should pay up.

I don't think you necessarily have to pay for your guests, but you do have to cater your expectations and not be disappointed/upset when people can't or won't go. For a lot of people, using a week's annual leave and spending thousands on travel just isn't feasible. I wouldn't do it unless it was very close family or friends.

I was invited to one once in Europe years ago (work friend). On top of the £1500 it would have cost DH and I in travel and accommodation alone, we would have had dog sitting fees, airport parking, food for the days outside of the wedding, outfits...it wasn't a destination we would be interested in for a extended holiday either. Work friend was quite put out. Didn't ruin our friendship or anything, but I could tell she was miffed.

Calling bride and grooms selfish and arseholes for having a destination wedding is bizarre, the wedding is about the couple not the guests, and the invite is just that, not a summons.

We didn’t actually formally invite any guests to our wedding, we just put the details out to those who asked. When they’d booked on we sent invites. 54 happy guests funded themselves and attended our beautiful day. I wouldn’t change a thing! We had our own reason to get married where we did, absolutely nothing to do with anybody else.

I don't think they should pay for guests but I think they should expect most people not to come.

What are your social circle descended from Rockefeller then? Who thinks someone can afford to pay for all their guests. Check your privilege 😂

'Destination' that means abroad right? I've turned down two weddings aboard this year due to cost, time off work, no childcare and the fact I'm not massively keen on some grotty bit of the Med that's someone else's idea of a perfect location for a wedding. I'm honestly not as miserable as that sounds, I love a wedding but I don't have thousands of pounds to spend on going to something that should cost me a few hundred quid max.

That would cost a fortune!! We got married in Italy and paid for the hotel accommodation for both sets of parents and also for siblings / partners. We just couldn't have afforded to pay for everyone. It was a small wedding (25 guests) and we were thrilled that these people were willing and able to afford to celebrate with us. We knew it would be a small wedding (to be honest, this was largely why we went abroad) due to the costs incurred by the guests.

Agree. I think you have to pay or be prepared to accept with good grace that you'll have very few guests, unless your wedding and guest list are both extremely grand.

Other people's weddings just aren't that interesting, except maybe to immediate family.

Yanbu. A very close relative wanted to do this. Even though most of us could afford this we all shut her down. It wasn't our destination choice to ever visit, why should we have wasted precious annual leave and all the expense? She was glad to have changed it though and everyone attended. I think the bride has a cheek and deserves it really. People who do these types of wedding must think they are so important that people would want to spend their hard earned money on them.

I wouldn't expect the couple to pay but you cant get upset if people can't go.

Why? Guests dont have to attend. It isn't a summons

Younger people are normalising not going to things that don't suit them, which will ultimately have its own pros and cons, but one plus is that things like this are likely to be less of a drama in future.

I used to love a destination wedding when I was young and carefree - usually made a great start to a holiday.

But now...it would have to be close family or a very close friend, my leave is more committed now, I have other commitments, got a dog too....it all adds up.

I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for me to attend though - just accept me not going.

Bride sounds like an idiot.

I turned down a destination wedding because of the same issue, also unable to get annual leave off. But it also meant the bride’s own nana couldn’t attend.

I on the other hand held my wedding in a specific city to enable an elderly relative to attend.

Just depends what kind of person you are and what you want.

Don’t worry about it op :)

If she wanted everyone there, she should have had her wedding fairly local.
Not everyone has £2k just lying around so the fact that she expected everyone to pay that is insane.
I wanted my friends and family at my wedding so had it 15 minutes away. We had 5 people who live further afield so we invited them to stay at our house for the weekend.

I know a couple who got married in Bali and then complained that after spending thousands to attend, some of the guests didn’t buy them a gift.

I don’t think the bride and groom should pay. Many will be having a destination wedding because it’s cheaper than a traditional wedding. As PP said, it’s also to whittle down the guest list, as they will know that many people can’t afford it or get the childcare.

YABU
We got married in Turkey, I knew not many people would come but I was happy that some did. There is no way we could have paid for people ourselves

Destination Weddings sort out the guest list, and can be a lot cheaper than home ones.

I think I would definitely raise an eyebrow at a bride or groom that would be miffed if someone couldn't afford it or couldn't get the annual leave though...they have to expect that is going to happen.

My Step brother got married abroad, and I remember my step mother being flabbergasted that myself and my partner didn't go, just politely declined from the start. We couldn't afford it and we couldn't get the annual leave.

I don't think he was in the slightest bit offended.