To think that if you have a destination wedding, you should pay for your guests?

[rhubarbcrumblez]

Been invited to a destination wedding that is looking to cost around 2k for flights and accommodation. Most guests I have spoken to have pulled out due to the cost and I am going to have to do the same. Bride is really upset.

AIBU to think that if you choose a destination wedding and expect a large group to come, you should pay for their travel and accommodation too?

I have been to a few but they’ve been on mainland Europe pre children so we did make holidays out of them touring about. It was peoples home countries so different. B&G also organised things to make them enjoyable for us as well.

Now if someone asked me to go to an AI in august on the basis it’s a replacement for a family holiday, I’d tell them no. It’s not always about the cost but the time.

To me it seems like one of those things to pass the wedding costs onto others, especially when you have to stay certain places. It’s not a nice thing to do.

No, of course they shouldn't pay for their guests, but equally they shouldn't make them feel bad for inevitably declining.

We didn't have a destination wedding but many friends/family live abroad. Some of them declined because it was too expensive or far to travel. Completely fair enough.

Don't be a dick. People can always say no.

If you are planning a destination wedding it needs to be in consultation with your closest friends and family.
Assuming only they will come and checking with them up front that they are happy with the plans and can afford it.
You can then open it up to others as optional but
If I got an invite to a destination wedding I would assume that they were half expecting me to decline.

I married in Sri Lanka for EXACTLY that reason. Otherwise I'd have had to put up with other people " helping" and coming up with ideas like you must'nt forget to invite great aunt Amy and people wanting to bring their kids

It's an invite not a summons

The ridiculous thing is the bride getting upset about it. How can you expect people to pay £2k to watch you get married?!

My stepdaughter's wedding was in Mauritius. We couldn't afford to go, her sister couldn't afford to go, I think perhaps a couple of people in the groom's family went, otherwise it was all friends. It was a beautiful wedding judging by the photographs... and there were a LOT of photographs. Very instagrammable.
I think if you want people to come to your wedding you should make it possible for them to do so. If you only want those who can afford it to go to your wedding then choose that kind of wedding. If you have a wedding that is expensive to get to you shouldn't be surprised if people can't afford to go.

I would never want / expect someone to pay for me to go to their wedding abroad. They have enough expense paying for their wedding, food for guests etc. I’ve never heard something so ridiculous! Do you think they want you there that much that they would pay thousands of £ to have you? Lol
People who go to abroad weddings usually use that as their main summer holiday which usually they would budget for anyway. Obviously the bride & groom should be honoured that people spend their time & money to attend. If they desperately do want certain people there, then they wouldn’t have booked it abroad!

YABU

I got married abroad as we wanted it to be small and intimate wedding (there was 14 of us in total) people were invited although we knew they wouldn’t come due to the cost. We said if they want to come they are welcome to but we weren’t paying as it’s up to them. We did what we wanted not what people wanted us to do.

we did have a party back here where again everyone was invited and again it was up to them if they attended.

Exactly my thoughts!!

We got married in St. Lucia and paid for 22 of our closest friends and family to join us.

Nope, I'd absolutely not expect the bride and groom to pay but equally they have to understand that's it's a lot to ask of people and the wedding will likely be small. They are being very unreasonable to expect everyone to bow to their destination and it's associated costs.

Yanbu. Even if you [one] can afford it, who wants to spend such an absurd amount on going to someone else's wedding?

Destination weddings are for the very wealthy and all their wealthy mates - it's just competitive and stupid for most people.

No, I don’t think the bride & groom should pay but they have no right to be disappointed when people don’t go either.

They don't expect everyone to come; but they know if they don't invite everyone people will get pissed off that they haven't been invited

I just don't understand the huge fuss about weddings AT ALL. At least one in three ends in divorce. Silly people are utterly swept up in the romance of it all. Really you only need to get married to ensure you are treated equally after a split - anything else is pure confetti.

Agree with other posters that they shouldn’t pay but shouldn’t get upset when people can’t afford it.

sadly I was plunged into a lot of debt with my ex SIL’s wedding. I tried pulling out but it didn’t go down well with their family so was guilt tripped into going. 10 years later I’ve only just paid it off after putting it on a credit card and then doing the 0% card hopping and only paying minimum payments. I paid it off with inheritance. My ex and I actually split up a year or so after this wedding but we did have some other debt which we did share between us when we split.

But if when someone is getting married in their usual country then travel and a hotel for just one night is not something brides and grooms would pay for (except best man etc) Why would they pay for them to go on a holiday?
If the person invited wants to go, then they pay.

No they shouldn't pay but they must accept a lot of people won't go

No you shouldn’t pay but you SHOULD pick somewhere affordable or arrange it for a good few years time so people can save up

I have to say I was VERY disgruntled when I spent £3k on a destination wedding + 2 hen do’s + stag do etc for the couple to split up 11 months later. They MUST have known they were on the rocks and let people spend all that money

This is why I’d love to be a millionaire!

I have been to my friends' destination weddings or those that were in other cities far from mine. I have always paid for my own travel but the accommodation has been paid for the bridal party, as the hotel/resort is where the wedding was taking place.

I don’t think you should offer to pay, however if you are going to throw a destination wedding and expect people to attend then it should be to a fairly high standard and you also need to include a welcome dinner or goodbye brunch etc.
Also think it depends where… a wedding in France from the Uk isn’t such a big ask but somewhere long haul like Cape Town or the Carribean is.
However saying that, it’s actually been cheaper for us to attend a wedding in Italy (flights and accommodation) than it has been to attend some weddings in the UK that are far away (trains and hotel were more expensive!!)

And it's great that that is something you could afford but for a lot of us it would take years to pay that sort of money, usually more years than notice you'd be given. My brother was considering a destination wedding and I had to say unfortunately if it went ahead I wouldn't be able to go because there are 5 of us and we'd just never be able to afford it. We havent been able to afford to go on an abroad holiday since before covid we wouldn't suddenly have the money to go just because its for someone's wedding.