To think that if you have a destination wedding, you should pay for your guests?

[rhubarbcrumblez]

Been invited to a destination wedding that is looking to cost around 2k for flights and accommodation. Most guests I have spoken to have pulled out due to the cost and I am going to have to do the same. Bride is really upset.

AIBU to think that if you choose a destination wedding and expect a large group to come, you should pay for their travel and accommodation too?

@TheCadoganArms but the B&G have to also accept some guests (even the ones they want to come) might not be able to afford it, and there is no way I would expect someone to pay £2k because I wanted some fancy backdrop for my wedding. If you like a particular destination go there for your honeymoon

Friend’s daughter is having her wedding in Italy. It was booked over two years ago and save the date notices went out to over 100 people. She omitted to tell people it was overseas! It’s not cheap or an easy venue to get to and is taking place in the school holidays, no children allowed. I asked friend how many people did she think would still go and she was surprised that I thought anyone would duck out. They have booked out a guest house on the wine estate where the wedding is and are now ‘upgrading’ guests. This destination wedding has included 3 hen dos, 2 abroad and the bride wonders why a lot of her friends no longer want to stay in touch.

My nephew had a destination wedding in Granada (Spain). He told everyone he wasn't expecting gifts because travelling to their wedding would be a huge expense. We all paid airfares and the 3-day accommodation in the Palacete de Cazulas, while they paid for all the catering. The majority of the guests came from Australia, New Zealand, England and South Africa. None of us expected them to pay for our stay, let alone our airfares.

It's perfectly ok to have a destination wedding and people not attending because of the cost. The problem in this case is that the bride and groom organised a destination wedding without checking first how many of their guests would be able to afford it. There were only 30 odd people in my nephew's wedding, they knew beforehand how many of us would attend before making the booking.

Depends how much you want them to come: my 2 golden rules with weddings are:

1. Your Day = Your Rules
2. If Your Rules = hassle/expense/awkwardness for your guests, they decline, and you are fine with that.

Destination wedding - you make it expensive/require extra days off work - guest chooses not to come - you are fine with that.
No kids - guest can't use babysitters for whatever reason - they decide not to come - you are fine with that
No proper disability access at the venue - certain guests decide it's too much hassle - you are ok with that
ETC

None of these rules are bad, but you set them, so you are ok with people declining because of them. Not ok?

-local wedding
-kid friendly
-accessible venue.

We can afford one holiday a year. It has to be in the summer holidays, due to work (which is why wev can only afford one). I can't see how I'd ever manage to get to a destination wedding- should I ever fall back into the marriage circle, rather than the divorce and 50th birthdays!

My sister had a destination wedding….I had 3 children under 5 and it wasn’t a place to take them really and me leaving them, wasn’t an option for me. She didn't have kids so had absolutely no concept of what she was asking of me.
She hasn’t spoken to me since- that was nearly 20 years ago.
She’s now divorced and hasn’t seen her only nieces/nephews growing up.
🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

There is an invite, if people go they go sure I don't get them but no I would not expect them to pay

It is a choice, don't want to go say no

Not really as I wouldn’t have been offended in any way, shape or form if people would have said no. I didn’t expect anyone to save/use their family holiday or annual leave, it was their choice and if they said they couldn’t come I’d have accepted that. If it had been really close family or friends I may have reconsidered our destination or a party at home at least. I felt it allowed those who wanted to be there adequate saving time. If someone told me less than 12 months before about a destination wedding I probably couldn’t go. 2 years ahead, I could budget and save if that person meant a lot to me.

It wasn’t that we didn’t want them there, but they were distant relatives or friends of parents, so not really people we would miss or who were a significant part of our lives. But had it been a UK wedding we’d have paid £130 per head for these people, who we probably would never see again but ‘had’ to invite to avoid family conflict.

I don’t know how much people paid to attend. People stayed in different places based on their budget. Some came for a few nights, others for a week or 10 days. I know my brother and family got a really cheap deal and stayed in an air b n b. some other family or friends stayed in the over priced holiday village we stayed in, others in hotels down the road.

It was a European destination so could be as expensive or cheap as you like. I provided details on different areas to stay/hotels/apartments etc. We specifically asked for no wedding gifts or money as their presence was a gift alone to us and most did this which we appreciated. Everything was covered by us on the day food and drinks. As UK wedding guest we have spent well in excess of £800-1000 based on hotel/outfits/drinks whilst there. so if you wanted to do 2 nights for the wedding I can’t see it being too much more tbh regardless of destination.

I Think that would be unfair , we are getting married abroad ( although a large part of our family lives there ) and we invited lots of friends and family from the U.K. . Some can go , others can’t but I couldn’t possibly pay for everyone . I will , however , not get upset if people can’t go . I told them 2 years in advance and it’s a holiday destination too so most will just have a holiday there and pop in to our wedding .
We did make sure the wedding day is absolutely kitted to the guest with all day food and open bar drinking so no expenses for anyone

I married in Italy so relatively cheap to get to. Guests did have to pay for accommodation/flights but we otherwise laid on 3 full days of dinners and excursions, all paid for.

You can't expect people to pay for your flights, and they can't expect you to come. Simples. But if guests like you, the venue is attractive enough, and they have the cash they'll come

No way would I expect to be paid for, as the cost would be horrendous but no way would I worry about upsetting someone for saying no to attending and not spending the money either. Their wedding, their choice, but unreasonable to expect others to fork out and unreasonable for them to be upset when no one attends. I got married abroad, no guests, as we just wanted to marry and not have the grief of an event (never been to a family wedding where something didn't kick off after a few drinks) and have even been a guest, to a couple we met on holiday, as they had so much aggro from their families about who, what and where, they told no one and married around the pool, with other holiday guests as their guests and it was a lovely day for us all, with some great memories.

Like a previous poster my family and his family live about 300 miles from each other, and we lived in a city that was very much a destination in itself. Whatever we did people would be spending money. We went to a cheap European country and said that anyone who fancied it could come.

My cousin got married in Italy at a celebrity’s villa. I think they put everyone up there.

I don't think a bride and groom should be expected to pay for everyone's flights and hotel if getting married abroad, but they shouldn't be offended if not many people go either.

My best friend got married abroad and the cost was a minimum of £1200 each (this was 12 years ago) and that was a good deal at the time, she got rough numbers beforehand then worked with a travel agent to get everyone a good deal as was being booked in bulk. They were very fortunate in that they had about 60 people go in the end and we pretty much filled the hotel. It was £1200 for a week, £1700 for 10 days or £2000 for two weeks, but everyone treated it as their holiday for that year and as everyone knew or got to know each other was a good laugh.

As a teacher, I've missed destination weddings that were in term time and also Thursday and Friday weddings because no way I'd ever get time off work for them. Bit gutting. Reading this, though, maybe the invitees were hoping I wouldn't come in the first place!

No you shouldn’t pay for guests . I think you should pay for bridesmaids / close family maybe or pay a big chunk - If you desperately want them there - or at least consult them first . With guests , it’s not realistic to pay but you should understand if they can’t come and not expect them to .

I work in a school & a family member is getting married on a Tuesday. It may be cheaper for them but I have to take a day's unpaid leave.

No you shouldn't have to pay for them. But you should we aware and accepting that not everyone you invited is going to be able to go. You can't expect people to fork out thousands for your wedding unless they're willing too so I don't agree they should pay but I do think they need to be realistic about the prospects of attendees

It would never occur to me! If I couldn't afford to go, I'd say so. If I could, I would if it wasn't over our budget.

slightly more distant sorts can chose not to come, but it puts a lot of pressure on parents and siblings, especially ones with kids. I don't think they are great

I agree

Easy decision for me, I dislike weddings, so would have to seriously think about travelling for an hour.. lol..
Seriously, it always seems that the more the wedding costs, the less time the 'happy couple' stay together. I'd just elope..

YABU they should be able to get married wherever they want and they shouldn’t have to pay for their guests to attend other than the meals some drinks etc. however if they choose to get married somewhere other than where they live they should get upset if people can’t come.

I thought the whole point of a destination wedding was to keep it small. The bride can't really complain and if she wants a big wedding then she should get married in the uk or have a party once they are back.

I rarely go on holiday and if I do it will be with my children and partner and not to attend someone's wedding. I can't afford to do both.

We had a destination wedding. We paid for everything for family, hotels, flights, upgrades, all inclusive etc. Two other couples came but we would have completely understood if they couldn’t.
I think if you give people plenty of notice, the choice is theirs.