To feel repulsed by my husband and hate my life right now?

[cookiedoughh]

I’m typing this as I’m lying in my 8 year old daughters room. I’m miserable. I got everything ready for work and the kids stuff for morning and just wanted to drop into bed but yet another night where I feel sick as I walked into mine and husbands bedroom and the stink of faeces just hits me! He’s gone to the toilet in the Ensuite and not sprayed and I know there will be disgusting marks left in toilet which he won’t clean. I feel so sick I couldn’t even take my contacts out. I’m too tired to find the air freshener which one of the kids has moved. If it’s not the disgusting smell he leaves he snores and a few times when I’ve told him I’ve got an important day at work and please not to wake me up I’m woken to him banging around the room looking for things and also I feel embarrassed writing this but he’s been wanking himself whilst I’ve tried to sleep. That’s why I always let him go up first and then I go to bed around 10:45/11:00. I’m knackered, I just want to sleep and have a good night sleep. I feel
so sleep deprived. Even tonight in my DD’s room I won’t have a good night sleep as she will be tossing n turning in her sleep and bed is so tiny I will wake up to an arm or leg hitting me (obviously she’s not doing on purpose). I’m sorry to write this on here but I’m so fed up I’m just really fed up of my life. I just need some sleep. I often nap after coming from work (try to) but kids wake me up, I put tv in for them but can’t even manage 10 mins nap.

sorry for any typos and sorry for TMI.

I'm trying to imagine a scenario where a man would expect to remain in a relationship with a woman who respected herself, while leaving a trail of shit stains behind him, treating her like the housemaid, masturbating in bed next to her, to the point she's got more chance of getting a good night's sleep squashed in bed with her 8year old instead.

Yes it's fine to behave like this, if you want to be single.

You would presumably tell them that you daddy started behaving like he was the only grown up living in the house unfortunately, not like a good partner, and made some bad choices, rather than you left him because he used the bathroom.

Dh has a health condition so (sorry TMI) his poo is stinky (worse that normal) but the difference is, he’s very aware, uses a different bathroom if we’re about to go to bed, never leaves marks, opens windows. Normal polite behaviour.

The moment your partner repulses you (for whatever reason) it’s over.
Oh and YANBU….

Sorry OP but I'd be divorcing the pig. Im feeling like throwing up just reading this.

Sorry for your loss.

He is openly displaying his utter contempt for you and your well being. Causing sleep deprivation is a well known torture tactic.

If that is genuinely how you see this, then I don't think anyone can help you. Do you leave your shit stains for someone else to clean? If so, why?

Can you have your own bedrooms. DH and I have always had our own bathrooms and now our own bedrooms as well. I like to sleep in the dark and quiet. He likes to watch TV / listen to audio books.

Better off just with your daughter, OP.

Would you be happy of your dd married such a man? Ltb and show her you are worth more.

VIPoo spray is really good. My son stinks the house out after he's been.💩 But the spray works if you use it after as well. Always have to put bleach down and scrub after he's been.

How do so many people not get this?!?

It isn't about the tangible things he's doing!!!

It's about what those things tell us about their relationship!!

They tell us...

He has zero respect for his wife, doesn't even like her, treats her like his inferior, deliberately makes her more tired, and can't care less.

Her reaction tell us..

She doesn't like him either. Which is utterly unsurprising. She resents him. He repulses her.

That is why they should divorce.absolutely bleeding obviously

Indeed. Off you go op, get your marigolds on after this grown man. For fucks sake.

I don't understand why anyone would want an ensuite in their own house. Ugh.

My god, l could have written this.
Not so much the en suite thing (we didn't have one) but the disgusting habits, the snoring, the disrespect and the wanking. Which then escalated to me waking up to find him trying to have sex with me. He used to say he must have been asleep, and had no recollection of it.
When l was on early shifts (up at 5am) he'd be clattering about in the house until gone 2am, but when l came home from a late shift at midnight, he'd be tucked up in bed asleep.
That was when l insisted on separated bedrooms. Which then escalated to him wanking, and leaving the soiled tissues under the bed (and there were a lot of them). I refused to touch them, or the room or the bed, and he left them there for weeks.
I'm sorry, OP, but l couldn't get past any of it, of course you don't want to sleep with, or have sex, with someone who is so overtly disrespectful and dismissive of your feelings.
I called it a day. I don't know if you can sort this, but it's really not healthy. This isn't a good relationship or situation, and I promise you, it won't get better.

I am not surprised you are feeling repulsed, that all sounds really gross. I can't believe someone would wank next to their partner like that, it sounds very disturbing and extremely off putting if his problem is that you aren't having sex. It would be a deal breaker for me.

I agree with several others that you need to have a serious discussion with him about how it's making you feel because eventually it will lead to divorce if he can't be more considerate of you.

My God that's grim . I actually retched reading your post
I have no idea how you manage to live like this

Well, I doubt your own shit smells like raindrops on rose petals. But you could have an agreement that he uses the other bathroom, I suppose.

I'd be a lot more bothered by the wanking in bed next to you than any of the other things you've mentioned, to be honest.

shitting is fine obviously. Shitting right by a sleeping area when they are other options is a really dirty and selfish thing to do. My dh’s shit smells terrible. So if he wants to shit near bedtime, he’ll shit in the downstairs toilet. That way nobody needs to clean their teeth or whatever in clouds of shit stink. It’s basic manners.

It's nice you don't mind be a support human/mother to your DH. Some of us have a higher bar.

YANBU to be repulsed by your husband but imo YABVU to move into your 8yo daughter's "tiny" bed. If you want your space and your desire for a good night's sleep respected, why wouldn't you give her the same courtesy? You need to talk to him properly about all of this and decide if the marriage has a future.

His arse must be absolutely stinking. I’m assuming he didn’t have a shower or anything after.
THAT makes me feel sick! An unwashed arse after a disgusting shit.
Or any shit, for that matter.

100% agree with this. Put yourself first, get some space, and then figure out exactly what you're going to say to him. How he's not ashamed of his behaviour I just don't understand.

I’m so with you on this.

Divorce over a shit 😂

Yeah does seem a bit dramatic imo

This is one of those where if the sexes were reversed, it would go very differently. It is also one where I would like to see his side.

Ensuites are a mixed blessing. They are super trendy these days, but they are loos and, presumably, you can use a loo as a loo…..which comes with smelling like a loo! Not brushing it is pretty foul, though.

And it isn’t his fault that he snores.

The masturbation beside the OP is pretty horrid. I would guess he thinks this is secret, but maybe he is just entitled.

There are practical solutions but these come with communication. Separate bedrooms would solve all of the above and probably be cheaper than two houses post divorce.