To feel repulsed by my husband and hate my life right now?

[cookiedoughh]

I’m typing this as I’m lying in my 8 year old daughters room. I’m miserable. I got everything ready for work and the kids stuff for morning and just wanted to drop into bed but yet another night where I feel sick as I walked into mine and husbands bedroom and the stink of faeces just hits me! He’s gone to the toilet in the Ensuite and not sprayed and I know there will be disgusting marks left in toilet which he won’t clean. I feel so sick I couldn’t even take my contacts out. I’m too tired to find the air freshener which one of the kids has moved. If it’s not the disgusting smell he leaves he snores and a few times when I’ve told him I’ve got an important day at work and please not to wake me up I’m woken to him banging around the room looking for things and also I feel embarrassed writing this but he’s been wanking himself whilst I’ve tried to sleep. That’s why I always let him go up first and then I go to bed around 10:45/11:00. I’m knackered, I just want to sleep and have a good night sleep. I feel
so sleep deprived. Even tonight in my DD’s room I won’t have a good night sleep as she will be tossing n turning in her sleep and bed is so tiny I will wake up to an arm or leg hitting me (obviously she’s not doing on purpose). I’m sorry to write this on here but I’m so fed up I’m just really fed up of my life. I just need some sleep. I often nap after coming from work (try to) but kids wake me up, I put tv in for them but can’t even manage 10 mins nap.

sorry for any typos and sorry for TMI.

So, you hate him and he hates you. The anecdotes don't really matter, it's clear.

Can you tell us why you haven't divorced?

@cookiedoughh

And some people 🙄 wonder why some women prefer being lesbiens or single status than being with men..

He has no respect for you. He is revolting. LTB PRONTO

Talk to him. DH knows that kind of thing repulses me-he very rarely uses the Ensuite and goes into the family bathroom instead. It’s a simple thing but is around respect and I really appreciate being able to get myself ready-either morning or evening, without being surrounded by the smell of poo. And when he poos in the family bathroom he opens the window. Again-a simple thing.

the snoring thing-ear plugs

There are a few posters on this thread who either need to get much better at reading between the lines or have a seriously low bar for men.

Your values are not in alignment. He sounds rank and for very reasonably, you have The Ick. Do what he does and take a dump, with him being the dumped.

Well obviously womens poo smells like lavender and they never snore.

Oh my god! Where did you leave yourself? You need more and deserve more than this. Your resistance is your way of saying I want more. Make moves and get rid. The kids will be fine. They need happy parents who love and respect themselves enough to make sure they make changes when something isn't serving them. So many people are stuck in places that is sending the wrong message to their children. Make moves

I'm trying to imagine the scenario where I tell my kids their lives are being turned upside down becuse their daddy went to the bathroom.

🤮 He’s a thoughtless, disgusting pig. Get rid.

There is nothing wrong with anyone. Everyone else has just been able to read the entitled, entrenched mentality of this man in a way you haven’t.

I'm baffled by these answers. He can't help snoring, it's not something he has a choice over - and he can't change how his shit smells either. Why don't you just leave a window open in there? I wouldn't want to breathe in chemical laden air freshener spray all night. Having a wank is completely normal too particularly as I'm assuming you're not having sex.

Υοu forgot: daddy leaving shit stains in the toilet for mummy to clean, and that daddy also likes to masterbate next to mummy while she tries to sleep. Then if mummy does manage some sleep dear daddy bangs around the room ensuring she wakes up.

@mrsdineen2

It's the gradual complacency and neglect of this kind of relationship,
It's like he has allready checked out of relationship and he feels like he is just having a solo relationship with himself,

Like he solo pleasures himself too constantly ect,
and probably wonders why is mysteried she is like the way she is,

It's so easy to clean faeces away in a toilet and to use the other family bathroom and to be considerate such as going to family doctors to address snoring issues
Is he severely overweight issue then?

As that could be it Sleep Apnoea 😴 💤

I mean it's common sense 🤷 and emotional intelligence to be aware and know that more considerate you are in a relationship the difference it will make in so many ways,

There is another post elsewhere here asking why are some men so 🫠💩💩💩eshit in relationships 🙄

@mrsdineen2 are you also imagining the scenario where DH tells the kids that it was more important to him to make someone else clean up his shit than maintaining his family life?

That's without taking into account the stealth/punishment wanks.

He can have some consideration. It's not her responsibility to clean his skid or open the window after he shits. He needs to do those things. Honestly, no one wants to fuck a man child. There are things HE can do to be considerate of his wife and he if he doesn't do them he may well end up single. Honestly, I'm not in the LTB camp YET. I would be telling him my expectations but if he didn't sort his shit out I can understand why someone would go down that route.

I had similar issues with ensuite smells, Dh was opening the door into the bedroom so the room stank. I had to ask many times for him to open a window and close the bedroom door after. Now he lights a candle too, he has some toilet 'issues', can't be helped. But he never expected me to clean a toilet after him. That is way out of order and to me is the worst part of OPs post. He 100% needs to do this and if he refuses then you have serious issues.

There was a thread with a snoring woman just the other day (not even a regular thing, just a one-off after they'd both been to the pub) and MN opinion was soundly team husband. So do fuck off with the NAMALTing if you're too much of a delicate man-flower to tolerate some female solidarity. Also, interesting you don't comment on the H's general inconsiderate noisiness and wanking in bed while his partner is trying to sleep but maybe that's normal to you.

1. He’s choosing to do it in the en-suite when she’s told him repeatedly not to. This is disrespectful.
2. He is wanking next to her whilst she is asleep and waking her up. I find this creepy and weird! if my partner was doing this I wouldn’t be tolerating it.

This is what you need to do. I've been with my husband for a long time, 24 years. Sometimes we argue over things we unintentiallly did to upset the other. We've been together for 24 years, good communication is key to a healthy relationship. Talk to him and tell him the truth. Explain clearly what he needs to be doing and not doing.

My DH snores and his shit stinks. But he wouldn't leave shit stains all over the toilet, he would shut the door and open the window for fresh air, he wouldn't wake me up unnecessarily banging stuff round, he doesnt go to bed for a wank every night before I go to bed. It's clearly a bigger issue than snoring and smelly shit.

It’s all gone past discussion now. You need to start acting. See a solicitor and divorce this man. If he makes you feel ill and disgusted , it’s over. Be kind to yourself and accept it’s done, then start planning to move on from this awful man.

So if he won’t clean up his own shit, he must be expecting you to do it. He sees you as some shit-cleaning-up slave. He has zero respect for you. He needs to change or leave.

Time to sit him down, lay all of your cards on the table and tell him to “shape up or ship out”.
This is complacency on a grand scale.
If you’ve already told him his behaviour isn’t acceptable and nothing has changed then it’s time to move on but if he’s not had a kick up the arse yet, give it to him, warts an’all and an ultimatum to pull his finger out (pardon the pun 🥴)
either way, do not put up with this any longer
Good luck 💐

WTF get yourself out of there as soon as you can.