SiL and friend keep commenting on my age.

[SpringOnionChicken]

I am in a group of friends (some nicer than others!) and one of them keeps commenting on my age. I’m the oldest, and we range from late 40’s to early 50’s. I’m 4 years older than her. She says things like;

Oh, God you’re so old
Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people

Then there is my SiL who constantly refers to the fact I am 5 years older than her. Things like;

You are much older than me
I’m much younger than you
Well, that’s because you are a lot older than me, I’m only 48, and you are 53

This has been going on a long time, and usually I don’t care but recently it’s pissing me off, because I feel they’ve dug deep, had to think long and hard, and this is the only thing they’ve been able to come up with as a stick to prod me with. The friend said it quite maliciously TBH.

Getting down to their level, my SIL has the misfortune of ageing terribly and has had to drop loads of money on cosmetic surgery to fix it. She’s also never run for a bus, and is very unfit. I’ve been asked a few times if my SIL is my DH’s older sister (he’s 5 years older) and if she is older than me. Friend is also not looking so great. Sorry to stoop to their level of year 8 schoolyard.

My age is not an issue to me. I’m grateful I’m fit and healthy and I don’t need any tweakments. I just think these comments are petty, and am thinking of nipping them in the bud with some comebacks.

AIBU? If no, please give me some ideas to shut them up.

Yes I am much more mature than you since you dole out insults like a 5 year old

Yes, I am older and don’t I look fabulous! Take their negativity and turn it into a positive.

They are broadcasting their insecurities, they will be more annoyed by you giving zero fucks.

‘I know! It’s crazy, I’m so much older and daft ‘Suzy’ thought you were older than me!! Lol! ‘

Say exactly what you said here - my age is not an issue to me, I’m glad I’m fit and healthy and happy in my own skin. Can we move on now as it feels like you’re always making comments about my age. Or just “oh not the age thing again!”

Get better people in your life!!

I'm 52 and have friends much younger and much older than I am, and age is rarely mentioned.

I would laugh and say 'yeah, I was speaking to someone the other day who was really surprised to discover you were actually younger than me!'

How tedious. You could explain to her that you don't know why she keeps bringing it up as we all age so the most important thing is how we age. You're happy to be feeling fit and well.

Don’t stoop to her level of jibes and passive aggressive comments. Just say, ‘oh thank you’ every time she says it. Act like it’s a huge compliment. She’ll then struggle to explain that she’s actually not meaning it as compliment and trying to insult you.

It’s a privilege to get here, I hope you do!!

I'm a bit older than you and ageing quite well. I would find that so tedious I'd have to say something. I'd be quite blunt if necessary too, you're in "frenemy" territory going by their comments.

I know, people normally think its the other way around.

Stop spending your time with arseholes.

Christ's sake, leave the group
Whatsapp groups are just playground-level intelligence. Bitchy, childish, and a font of many MN posts.
Women can be so bitchy to each other

I find having the same response, on repeat helps.

You then don’t have to keep thinking of a new reply and they soon realise that they’re mentioning it too much.

I'd reply "I know, and isn't it funny because I look so much younger than you? You really need to invest in some anti aging creams hun"

“I know, Jenny couldn’t believe I was older than you! Better start with amping up if you want to look this good at my age hey?”

In all serious either take a step back from them or just act completely baffled as if what they’ve said is nonsense, or mishear them. Just don’t give them your energy when they’re obviously trying to wind you up.

Next time they say ‘yeah you’re much older’ say ‘When’s your next dose of Botox then Janice?’

Yes, I don’t get the constant references, all of my friends bar one are older than me, my two good friends one 8 and 9 years older, I don’t think it’s ever been mentioned except by one friend on one occasion where she was discussing TV we watched as teenagers and she said that she didn’t have a clue what I was on about.

Don't go down the ageist comments route, it isn't healthy for any of you. It reinforcs that there is a issue with women aging. Be straight and blunt, that they are being ridiculous, you ate still their peer group and outright ask them if they want to talk about what's bothering them about aging because you are at the zero fucks stage of life. Have you gone through the menopause and they are peri? Peri can be an anxiety inducing time and it suddenly dawns that you've got less time to live, than you've been alive.

"I know, I keep forgetting I'm actually older than you!"
"Oh I am aren't I! ...I hope I don't look it!"

Agree with the pretending it's a compliment and thanking them. Take the wind out of their sails.

”you know what they say, it’s not how old you are, it’s how old you look.”

As previous posters have said just yes I know and crazy that everyone thinks you're older than me. Can you believe x thought you were older than dh then laugh.

It’s my SIL who pisses me off the most. She’s had loads of Botox and something else and it’s really obvious. At one stage she looked like Dr. Spok. I’d never dream of saying something to her about it because IRL I’m not an insecure bitch. She thinks she can get away with putting me down as she’s usually there with her DH and her mum and dad to have her back.

I’m happy in myself. I'm feeling good because I’ve worked hard at keeping fit and strong. I think I’m ageing well, I don’t care about the number.

I’d love to say, “yes, I know SIL. I’m such an old bag now. Can you send me the link to your cosmetic surgeon? You’ve had so much done, you must really rate them”.

I know someone who was recently asked if she was the DGM of her DNiece - she's only 5 years older that her DB, the DN's father! (Who was there at the time...) But there is both an appearance and an attitude element to it.

Best thing to do would to briefly pause, make eye contact then carry on with unrelated conversation.