SiL and friend keep commenting on my age.

[SpringOnionChicken]

I am in a group of friends (some nicer than others!) and one of them keeps commenting on my age. I’m the oldest, and we range from late 40’s to early 50’s. I’m 4 years older than her. She says things like;

Oh, God you’re so old
Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people

Then there is my SiL who constantly refers to the fact I am 5 years older than her. Things like;

You are much older than me
I’m much younger than you
Well, that’s because you are a lot older than me, I’m only 48, and you are 53

This has been going on a long time, and usually I don’t care but recently it’s pissing me off, because I feel they’ve dug deep, had to think long and hard, and this is the only thing they’ve been able to come up with as a stick to prod me with. The friend said it quite maliciously TBH.

Getting down to their level, my SIL has the misfortune of ageing terribly and has had to drop loads of money on cosmetic surgery to fix it. She’s also never run for a bus, and is very unfit. I’ve been asked a few times if my SIL is my DH’s older sister (he’s 5 years older) and if she is older than me. Friend is also not looking so great. Sorry to stoop to their level of year 8 schoolyard.

My age is not an issue to me. I’m grateful I’m fit and healthy and I don’t need any tweakments. I just think these comments are petty, and am thinking of nipping them in the bud with some comebacks.

AIBU? If no, please give me some ideas to shut them up.

"SIL has the misfortune of ageing terribly"

Ok, so that's why. Do you really need it spelling out. I's not about you. Nothing ever is.

Absolutely say that! It's perfect

Some rebuttals... along the lines ...
My body has done wonders for my age I've done so many things already -- and can/will do a lot more things/activities than most. I'm going strong/look forward to many health/happy years ahead....
Talk to me about my age when you reach my current age/when you're 53 if you are as fit/good/good looking/ active/ doing as many things as well as I'm doing/have already done by 52/53..

We all age/mature -- some mature more slowly and enjoy life...
Ageing is natural; looking at others ageing is not natural -- unless you're a full-time anti-age therapist/conman!!
To ask SIL & friend: Why are you so scared of ageing ???

HTH SIL & friend -- you don't need any help!!

I'm sorry could you repeat that ?

I'm sorry could you repeat that ?

I'm sorry could you repeat that ?

So that she repeats it three times each time a bit louder)

Oh...I thought you were being quietly rude, but I see given the opportunity to stop being rude you've just got louder and ruder.

What you have said is very ugly and that looks very badly on you.

Bloody hell. They sound hugely immature.

Bide your time. Get her the worst 50th card you can find.

Petty people pass petty comments. You can clearly see that both are insecure about how they look for their age... Don't stoop to their level.
If it makes you feel any better, my toxic MIL keeps comparing my size 6 healthy physique to elderly alcoholic family members who have recently lost a lot of weight. I just ignore it, she thinks she's pulling me down 😂

Fun as it would be to make one of the rude comments back the best thing to do is as PPs have said repeat the same lighthearted answer every time, I'd go with something like 'better than the alternative'. Eventually she will realise that it's not worth commenting on anymore and will stop.

This worked well with FIL who repeatedly told me about DD1, who was a baby at this point, 'what a pity she has my mother's nose'. I just said 'donations for her nose job will be gladly received' and after a few more times of saying it he stopped. Weird thing was, his Mum had a beautiful elegant nose so I'm not sure what his problem with it was.

Someone three months older than me used to say “when I was your age” all the time. She was in the year above so obviously saw herself as older.

It’s just odd to even mention age unless it’s relevant to planning a specific birthday. The numbers mean very little once you’re in adulthood.

I would find it irritating to the point I’d spend time with less ageist friends.

WhatsApp is the new school playground!

I think you have 3 options:
1 fight fire with fire and say what you really want to say.

2 "Can you explain why you have such a fascination with my age"

• and if you get a reason say "why /why's that then"

And wait for the answer and repeat the "why /why's that then" until they haven't got a response left in them. I've done it a few times and watching people squirm is quite good fun particularly when they're trying to put me down in front of people.

3 Completely ignore it. Don't even raise an eyebrow.

If you need to be in the group to be in contact with some of the other members, make a new group without the vicious bitches.

“You’re fucking rude” rinse and repeat.
Or, “You don’t look so fucking hot yourself” rinse and repeat.

I'd just calmly (but in a bemused manner) say something like 'do you realise you mention my age on a daily basis?' Every single time she says it. She will soon get the message.

"I know. I'm quite a bit older than you but I'm so lucky, I don't look it at all. Not a drop of botox or filler as yet!".......

I'd have to retaliate and say something g along the lines of how lucky I feel not to need all that Botox or how other friends are always so surprised that she's younger.
Or remind her she's 5 years younger, not 5 years old and it's time she left bitchy remarks behind now she's a mature woman in her late 40's!

Only read the first page of thread but 'did you mean to be so rude?' seems appropriate here.

I think you just take the high road and say yes I am, it’s very freeing to get comfortable with not giving any fucks I don’t want to, you will see when you get here!
its not quite the high road because their arrows will be blunted quite satisfactorily. But it’s enough for me!

I'd just say "its SUCH ashame ageing scares you so much that you have to constantly refer to my age and turn to botox and whatever else to slow it down but I'm happy, fit and healthy and the comments are really quite tedious now, ageing happens to us all.....if wer lucky. I think you need to analyse your own feelings around ageing rather than projecting them towards me."

😂😂😂 that's proper tickled me!

It made me think of the old TV show rugrats, it sounds like something angelica would have said to the babies 😂

with friends/family like these….honestly I can’t imagine a situation in which someone says something like this and her parents / husband back her up! It sounds so bitchy. I aren’t they mortified/pulling her up? If they’re all so rude why worry about offending. Reply with “and yet X/YZ thought you were DH older sister so im clearly winning on the looks front!”
Or a quiet word to say you find it upsetting

I would just say: “Yes, I am so much older than you. I know, I find it hard to believe too when I look so much younger than you!”

Friend: Oh, God you’re so old. Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people

You: Good idea. Cheerio!

I'd say, "I know but I've been blessed genetically. Who did your cosmetic surgery if I ever need it too?" I'm a bitch though.

Good Lord how rude. Works for me.

5 years is nothing once you reach adulthood. I would try to comeback with some joke remarks and keep it light.. "5 years and I still look marvelous !" Make being older a positive in your remarks to them.

'We should take one of those 'true age' fitness tests - I bet you'd be about 96!'

Then laugh.

HARD.