SiL and friend keep commenting on my age.

[SpringOnionChicken]

I am in a group of friends (some nicer than others!) and one of them keeps commenting on my age. I’m the oldest, and we range from late 40’s to early 50’s. I’m 4 years older than her. She says things like;

Oh, God you’re so old
Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people

Then there is my SiL who constantly refers to the fact I am 5 years older than her. Things like;

You are much older than me
I’m much younger than you
Well, that’s because you are a lot older than me, I’m only 48, and you are 53

This has been going on a long time, and usually I don’t care but recently it’s pissing me off, because I feel they’ve dug deep, had to think long and hard, and this is the only thing they’ve been able to come up with as a stick to prod me with. The friend said it quite maliciously TBH.

Getting down to their level, my SIL has the misfortune of ageing terribly and has had to drop loads of money on cosmetic surgery to fix it. She’s also never run for a bus, and is very unfit. I’ve been asked a few times if my SIL is my DH’s older sister (he’s 5 years older) and if she is older than me. Friend is also not looking so great. Sorry to stoop to their level of year 8 schoolyard.

My age is not an issue to me. I’m grateful I’m fit and healthy and I don’t need any tweakments. I just think these comments are petty, and am thinking of nipping them in the bud with some comebacks.

AIBU? If no, please give me some ideas to shut them up.

I'd just say in a non-confrontational tone - why are you are always commenting on my age? It's weird?

And when she inevitably comes back with some smart reply just say - it's very strange behaviour. and give a look like you can't get your head around her behaviour.

"Well, yes Janet, I am older than you and I have much better manners!"

‘I know - and you had all that work done and people still think you’re older than me.’

They sound like bitchy school girls and not very nice and insecure in themselves. They are just jealous as you are in good shape and do not look your age.
Just say well I am happy in my own skin and ageing well. That will shut them up. Think you need to keep your distance from them as not nice people at all.

I'd literally say it as it is, laugh and say 5years is nothing ur just as OLD as I am then say we'll anyway I look younger than you, wink and blow them a kiss and say awww I'm joking. Then change the subject

The green eyed monster is driving them insane! Lots of good advice here! Continue to take the high road and don’t give the wicked witches a second thought.

What is the context of the first quotes? It sounds like something I and my friends would joke to each other if one of us wanted to end the night at 9pm or mentioned we'd bought a pair of Crocs or something.

I personally think this is a tough one.

A) Either they're incredibly stupid and don't realise, if they're lucky, they'll also have the same birthdays you have.

B) They're incredibly insecure, which sounds more likely. If they're not making the most of their health and one of them is already resorting to cosmetic surgery, then it's an insecurity problem.

However, if they deal with insecurity by attempting to belittle someone else, then they are typical petty bullies. The stupid school yard ones who can only (delusionally) feel better if they can make someone feel worse than them.

It's just a question of how to deal with it and how much energy to invest.

I have no energy to invest in such people. I just withdraw. I don't want to waste my time on such people.

You could be equally mean, and just say something "soothing" like "That's alright Karen, I know you're having a personal problem with aging."

But unless you have one simple statement to meet all their comments, you're going to be drawn into a never-ending battle of insults. And there are two of them and one of you.

I'd use the wisdom of age to find ways of spending more time with the people you value (you can host or organise events/get-togethers right?) and less time with people who are depressing or annoying to be around.

And you can be honest with the wider group and just say, you're finding it draining to be around SIL and friend. Mentioning your age negatively once, is just life. But continually raising it, is just draining. You're just giving them space.

Just so you know, I'm a lot older than all of you. Some women fear getting old. And getting old in some ways changes your identity. But it's all part of the one and only life experience we have.

She’s also never run for a bus

🤣

Oh, God you’re so old You: Oh God, you look so old.
Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people You: Not sure I want to hang out older looking people.

You are much older than me You: You look much older than me.
I’m much younger than you You: I look much younger than you.
Well, that’s because you are a lot older than me, I’m only 48, and you are 53 You: It’s because you look a lot older than me.

I'd actually stop hanging out with people (especially 2) who hand out insults like that. You need to be around people who boost you so you feel positive after isn't that the whole point of hanging out?
Their comments about age i rekon is their insecurity maybe they feel so crap inside they have to throw out insults at you. Sorry you had that experience.

They are the ridiculous ones
in adulthood, 5 years is NOTHING
Im 34, dp is 28. What a SIN
these people sound jealous. Maybe jealous you’ve aged better?

Yes so you keep telling me!!
I might be older but I have not lost my hearing. No need to keep repeating insults at me.

Just ask her "Why aren't you hanging around with people your own age? Is it because you don't want to be the 'oldest'" 😏

Honestly, I wouldn't rise to it. Just give them a pitying smile. It shows their own insecurities if they feel the need to put you down! I wouldn't call someone who says things like that a friend anyway. If you only see her in a group setting, just avoid conversation with her as much as possible. With SIL I'd also avoid seeing her unless absolutely necessary.

I suggest a response along the lines of that my DD15 delivered to her best friend yesterday ("I haven't got the energy for your dramas at the moment, so I'm taking a break from you") or deliver your quote (to which my DS12 would cackle with delight and declare it "roast of the century").

This is bizarre. Your SiL and the other friend sound extremely immature.
I have some very close friends 12-15 years older than me and the only time I would bring our age differences up is in the context of "what can I expect" when discussing our kids, as their kids are teens and 20s while my DS is still a little kid.

This!

And this!

I like the idea of getting her an enormous 50th bday card and balloons, etc, and giving them to her when she’s 49

I find the problem with rising above this behaviour is that it gives the person carte blanche to continually repeat it, knowing they won't be called out.
Personally, I'd stop it dead in it's tracks with a random offensive retort, and then claim I thought we were playing a parlour game.

SIL: "Well, of course everyone knows you're so much older than me".
OP: "Well, of course, everyone knows it's you continually farting. You sound like a warthog beat-boxing with a kazoo.

[Cue awkwardness]

Sorry, am I not playing this game correctly? Oh well, never mind. Nice weather we're having..."

It's harder to argue with 'crazy'.

They are Jealous. As. Fuck. The green eyed monster is eating away at them and they have to keep grasping at the one tiny thing that makes them feel better.

I LOVE the biodegradable comment.

What else ...

'Here's a tip - if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. It makes you look ... better. If you know what I mean.' (Smiling sweetly).

'And I'd be delighted to give you some ideas on diet and exercise and makeup and clothes and so on. I know it preys on your mind that you're looking older than me. I imagine it must be difficult?'

Perfect! (laugh after you say it)

Short and succinct.

Treat the absurd with the absurd. You’re not insulting them or their looks, but you are treating their statements as ridiculous. It takes the heat from their statements and means their arrows don’t hit their mark. Sometimes people just say things for a reaction - to make themselves feel good. Responses like these take the wind out of their sails.

Oh, God you’re so old
Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people

Sure you do, Janice. It’s only 5 years. You’re in the zone now. Welcome to Menopause Land.

Then there is my SiL who constantly refers to the fact I am 5 years older than her. Things like;
**
You are much older than me

And I still have all my own hair and teeth (waggle eyebrows, flashy grin).

I’m much younger than you

You’re little more than a tiny child, Sandra. That is true.

Well, that’s because you are a lot older than me, I’m only 48, and you are 53

I know. Your balls haven’t even dropped yet.

"I know right? I'm so lucky I look so great for my age"😜