SiL and friend keep commenting on my age.

[SpringOnionChicken]

I am in a group of friends (some nicer than others!) and one of them keeps commenting on my age. I’m the oldest, and we range from late 40’s to early 50’s. I’m 4 years older than her. She says things like;

Oh, God you’re so old
Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people

Then there is my SiL who constantly refers to the fact I am 5 years older than her. Things like;

You are much older than me
I’m much younger than you
Well, that’s because you are a lot older than me, I’m only 48, and you are 53

This has been going on a long time, and usually I don’t care but recently it’s pissing me off, because I feel they’ve dug deep, had to think long and hard, and this is the only thing they’ve been able to come up with as a stick to prod me with. The friend said it quite maliciously TBH.

Getting down to their level, my SIL has the misfortune of ageing terribly and has had to drop loads of money on cosmetic surgery to fix it. She’s also never run for a bus, and is very unfit. I’ve been asked a few times if my SIL is my DH’s older sister (he’s 5 years older) and if she is older than me. Friend is also not looking so great. Sorry to stoop to their level of year 8 schoolyard.

My age is not an issue to me. I’m grateful I’m fit and healthy and I don’t need any tweakments. I just think these comments are petty, and am thinking of nipping them in the bud with some comebacks.

AIBU? If no, please give me some ideas to shut them up.

I'd just say.. randomly.. God, celebs have been aging poorly in the last few years with all the procedures to their face, it's sad they feel so insecure about themselves, same with the people too lazy to run for a bus, get fat pumped into their bottom to try and fit in with the kids 😂

My reply?
"What an odd thing to say out loud. Sounds like you're feeling emotional. Hope you're ok"
Emily sweetly

Sorry... 'smile sweetly'

Just say, yeah, good job I dont look it!

This. 'Yes, I know, and everyone thinks you're older than me.' With a big, calm smile. On repeat. She'll soon stop bringing it up.

I had years of this but the other way round. I'm younger than DH, and the youngest of his siblings. I used to get "oh you'll understand when you 'grow up' a bit" or "yes, but really you're still a baby".

Even in the early days of our relationship, I was more mature than the "youngest" couple, despite being 5 years younger than either of them".

I just ignored it, and then one day just asked one of his brother's if he was jealous DH has a young wife, seeing as they mention it so often. It stopped then.

People who are fixated on someone's age are usually fixated on the fact that they are aging and no longer have their youth or looks. Or jealous of something else about you. I'd just roll my eyes if I were you. And one day the perfect response will present itself. Say it.

Pretty obvious what’s going on here & it’s jealousy. You are 5 years older but fitter, look younger etc.
if she’s had cosmetic surgery & it’s not turned our great (dr spok as you put it) then she must see this every time she looks in the mirror. This however is no excuse to have digs at you for absolute no reason.
Honestly ignore her smile when she insults you & try & spend as limited time with her as possible. She needs to sort herself out & get over her insecurities.

How annoying OP my sister used to do similar when I'd turned 40 and she was still 38 knowing I was sensitive about it. It doesn't sound like you're worried about your age though so I'd say it's an insecurity on their part and the fact you're aging better!

😅😅 THIS OP!! Pleaaase Use This!!! 😭

My friend is 5 months younger than me and never lets me forget it. Each milestone birthday she'll ask how it feels to be that age. One day she was in the car with me and my boss asked if she was my mother! I've never told her lol.

Oh love this!! As others have said, they’re projecting their insecurities. You can’t choose your in-laws. Stay integral to your own values and don’t let them drag you down to their level!

Do make sure you spend time with people in your life who life you up rather than drag you down to dilute the toxic ones if you are keeping them in your life.

This! Perfect - will end it totally.

One of my husbands younger friends much younger wife always brings up age when we are together. She’s a decade younger than me (and gorgeous and a really impressive mum). I’m not frumpy and chaotic and seriously not a threat in any way. It baffles me. It’s been 20 years and I’m still older than her. I think my indifference to that baffles her.

"At least I don't look my age" <pointed stare>

I'd shelve the friend as far as I could, but I guess you're stuck with your SIL.

As tempting as it must be to stick the boot in, I would rise it above it. I always think it's not what* *people say but why they say it. She clearly has a problem with the idea of ageing and for some reason she's choosing to make herself feel better by trying to make you feel worse. And it's working. Don't give her the satisfaction. I'd take the position of a confident, wise sage and adopt an armchair psychologist approach in the kindest possible tone: "You seem to be quite fixated on my age and how I look. I wonder why that is. Is ageing something you're struggling with?"

Then reinforce all you've said here about how healthy and strong you feel, and how you're embracing the years of experience and wisdom you've accrued.

She'll hate it!

Oh good god 🙄 I’m 60 and grateful I can get up off the floor from sitting position , run up the stairs if necessary, walk my dog an hour ,keep a big house clean by myself.
( I’m not properly “ fit “ though)
I’m not needing lots of medications 💊 and don’t look too bad if I’ve had a good night sleep 😴.
I am assuming the comments are because they’re very insecure people

"I know, it's great I'm no longer at that immature stage where I keep on about how other people are older than me and I just get on with my own life".

You could come with funny quips, you could stoop to her level, you could just pointedly stare and ignore.

Or the next time she says anything, you could just honest and tell her to stop. Ask her why she keeps mentioning age, tell her it’s boring and not to do it again.

She sounds like she’d be the sort of person to play victim and say you are being nasty, or that she didn’t mean it. If so, just repeat that she’s being rude and to stop it.

These sort of people do my head in. You can’t dance around it.

I think you've nailed it in your last sentence.

Why on earth is "being older" such an insult? We really do live in such an ageist society and the frenemies have bought into it, sadly

If they constantly refers to your age, honestly, I’d stop seeing them.

if it is sometimes and you bug on it, I would be asking myself why.

Anyhow, you don’t seem to like them at all...

I agree the best punishment you can give people like this is to stop seeing them.

Jealousy. Plain and simple.

I love this comment. Hopefully it'll take them a second or to for it to sink in - and that everyone else laughs aloud when they get it too. 🌹

well sil and friend I guess some of us age better like my friend xyz was saying the other day she always thought you two were the older ones in the group she had such a laugh when I corrected her ..started calling me baby face ….that might shut them up 😂😂

Yes exactly that! and then shut them down, they sound jealous and insecure. Maybe tell them you can share your anti-aging tips with them 😊