Just reading yet another Hen drama on here.
I just don’t understand why Hen parties are now such a big deal! AIBU?
I’ve a friend who is my age but whose Husband is ten years her junior. Subsequently, her Husband’s friends (he has a group he is still mates with from school, who now all live miles and miles apart but by the sounds of it, see each other 5/6 times a year) are all starting to settle down. My friend has been invited on 3 big Hen parties (1 abroad for 5 days and 2 x 3 nights away in this country) since 2022. My friend is equally perplexed as to why she gets invited to these things. She did go to the first as her sister is mates with the bride and was there also. But she said it costs her about £400 for transport, accommodation, fancy dress and activities including one meal and booze for the house (my friend doesn’t drink).
Admittedly, I’ve been married 16 years. So maybe I’m old fashioned. But I can’t see in what scenario I’d expect friends and family to fork out hundreds of pounds to help “see me off”.
I mean, if I had a group of friends who holidayed/partied together ordinarily, I can see why that might well be great. But to then add partners
of the best man/others from the groom’s side, family and other friends, why should I think that would work and why on earth should these people all go to great expense for me?
For my hen, I had a night out that started as a couple of drinks at my parent’s house, a train into the town where we met others who didn’t want to/seemed silly travel to my parent’s in advance, a meal at a buffet type place and then onto a couple of pubs and club for those who wanted to. I really did have the best time. Everyone paid for themselves. Although I did get few bottles of wine put on the table and my mum bought these pin badges that said “Duffduff’s hen” with the date. Oh, and everyone wore black except me - I was told to wear a white top. My b/f and sister arranged it all but when I say arranged it, they literally booked the table in the restaurant once I knew who could attend and planned which pubs to go to (they obviously also got in touch with everyone to say wear black and told me to wear a white top but this is something they instigated and I didn’t know about until a week before).
I realise my hen may seem like hell on earth for others if they don’t like meals out/clubs, but my point is it doesn’t always have to involve nightmare logistics, a presents for the bride, nights away and warring bridal parties which surely then can have a knock on effect/added stress for the actual wedding!
Why do so many Hen parties seem so big now? Do the brides really need to feel celebrated to this extent/friends and family feel the need to show their love for the bride by throwing money around? Or have norms moved on so much in this last decade and a half and I’ve lost touch? ( I should add, my friend who I mentioned up thread, got married in 2019, and had an afternoon tea in a hall surrounded by about 20 guests and then went drinking with her sister and the few that wanted to in the evening.)
I realise upon writing this I may sound grumpy and old but I’m a few years off 40 and love a good night out!