AIBU to think that a dog is too much commitment?

[bamboozlette]

DH and DCs have been petitioning for a dog for years. Oldest DC will be off to uni in a couple of years, middle DC is almost 12 and youngest DC is 8. I love dogs but haven't owned one as an adult, and I am honestly very scared of the commitment. We looked into getting a toy poodle (lower maintenance than big breeds) but it seems that small breeds can live up to 18-20 years sometimes... I'm late 40s now, have a health condition that frequently leaves me feeling exhausted and the thought of having to look after an elderly animal when I'm nearly 70 myself sends shivers up my spine. I gave up my career to raise DC and am only just getting back into my stride now, DC say they'll help with the dog but they're all very busy (and I know the novelty will wear off). DH WFH but he works very very long hours, and often on weekends too. He might take the dog on a walk once a day but 90% of the care is going to fall on me. I was raised with dogs and I know it's a great thing for kids but AIBU to shudder at the two-decade commitment at this time in my life? I should add that our family live overseas, we travel for a few weeks a year and we'd have to pay for dog sitters when we travel as we have no in-built support network. Should I just suck it up for the sake of my kids? Everyone we know owns dogs and they seem to make it work so I also feel a but inadequate for even thinking it's too much to add to our plates.

You could adopt a senior dog, there are plenty with lower exercise needs and their life is naturally more limited. But if you don't want a dog, don't get one.

This is precisely why I am standing firm on not getting a dog. I don't want the commitment of daily walks, and I know it will fall to me once the shine has worn off for my DC. Plus the DC will be off to uni in three years. Stick to your guns!

Not sure that a Poodle could be considered low maintenance really - certainly there are extensive grooming requirements, even if you outsource that and just keep them clipped it's an admin schedule that needs attention. They are often not great at being left alone, either.

It does sound like this needs much more discussion from the whole concept of any dog at all though, and perhaps it's not for you. Any dog is a big commitment - the payback is when you enjoy it, and if you won't then it's just a pain.

The problem is we won't know if we enjoy it until we try, and it's not something you can just return if it doesn't work out! I suffer from depression so it's 50/50 on whether the extra commitment versus the love would make it better or worse, and no way to know ahead of time.

A dog is a bigger commitment than a child as they don't ever grow up and leave home/become more independent.

You are 100% right to stand firm on this if you know the care would basically be down to you and you don't want the long term responsibility.

I considered this but I have two friends with elderly dogs and both are a HUGE tie (both have extensive medical issues, one is incontinent and the other wakes up every hour at night now). I don't know how I could handle this TBH.

I wish more people were as sensible as you when it comes to getting a dog. They really are such a huge commitment and so many rush out to get their beloved pet, only to find out at their and the dogs cost that they take huge amount of hard work, patience and dedication and so many owners fail miserably.

But people make it look so easy, so I feel crappy for not giving my DC what all their friends have. I suppose lots have PIL and parents to watch the dogs but we would have to outsource all the care. I also don't know if it's fair to leave a dog for a month once a year (when we go overseas to see family)

Dogs are a pain, we have family members who have missed family funerals etc due to being unable to get dog care. There are lots of places you can't take dogs. If you don't want one then don't do it.

I looked into volunteering doing holiday cover for assistance dogs which seemed like a good combination of being involved with dogs but not doing the 15-20 yr commitment. Although it would have involved a certain amount of training/following their policies etc so it depends whether that would.work for you. We didn't do it in the end for reasons pretty specific to us but might be worth investigating?

We love dogs. But we are never getting one. Just look at the vast amount of threads on here regarding people on their knees with a dog, largely because they underestimated the commitment/amount of work/fact that no two dogs are the same. Stand firm!

Have a look at the Cinnamon Trust if there is one in your area. They organise short term fosters and dog walking for elderly people who need temporary help with their dogs.

Taking on a short term foster would give your family a good sense of whether or not a dog would work for your family without the up front commitment. And it would help someone else out - win win

The Cinnamon Trust – The National Charity for older people, the terminally ill and their pets

It is a HUGE commitment from the puppy that needs house training and puppy training to the chaos of looking for doggy daycare if needed and building a support network if said dog needs an overnight stay for any reason. Add £200 a month on food, monthly grooming (any poo cross) and pet insurance, inc a monthly vet pet plan, and you are looking at nearly £2.5k a year for 15 years. I have a 3 yr old Cavapoo (mainly poo!), and I adore him, but my goodness, he is a money pit and needs daily walks in all weather + poo picking the garden is the most hated household chore.

Think carefully. I love my dog but will never do this again, it is a game changer on days out too. Do you take the dog or leave him at home? Oh, and the kids are fair-weather looker-after'ers. Never rely on teens! Leave them to let the dog out for his 'last wee', and you will never be able to guarantee the back door is locked!

PS Mine is fine to be left alone, isn't nervous, isn't a barker or a chewer and is very respectful; he never goes upstairs as he has been taught not to, or goes through the bins. He is truly an angel amongst dogs, but still a big commitment

You clearly love your dog but do you regret getting him, on balance?

You have really valid reasons for not getting a dog. Don't beat yourself up about it.

However, if you are in the region of a Hearing Dog centre, you could think about becoming a volunteer, looking after a puppy or an older dog (like a stud dog). (They would look after it if you went on holiday)

Dogs can add a lot to a family, but often it is the mum of the family to gets lumbered with the extra load
of looking after the dog, in day to day life. You are right to be wary.

Could you foster for a rescue for a while? Gives you a chance to see if having a dog would suit your family without the long term commitment

It's completely reasonable not to want a dog.

I don't quite buy that age is a factor when you are in your forties.

Maybe have an honest discussion and ask your do to plan for how he can be responsible for walks etc if he wants the dog?

Funnily enough it's more the commitment after the DC have left home that I'm wary of (the dog would probably still have another 8-10 years of life, and in my 60s I really hope to be travelling the world and spending DCs' inheritance!) Is it stupid to think this far ahead?

Honestly I wouldn't get a dog unless you passionately want one. Ours is 12 now and he's incredible and has enriched our lives enormously but I'm never ever having another one. The commitment, the expense not to mention the heartache 😔 you have to really really want one and be aware that you will ALWAYS be its primary carer.

That is the reason I won't get one, although I like the idea of it. Expensive paying for kennels whilst you are away, and you can't do things at short notice. Walks with a dog would be great, but not really at all on cold wet mornings.

Have you thought about fostering a dog for a rescue charity instead? You could do that for a period of time and then see if you want your own dog or not.

I adore my dog. He is (almost) the love of my life-and I have 2 children and a husband! I've never had a dog before. However, he is a huge PITA. His insurance etc is huge, its a worry whenever he is ill, we cant leave him for over 4 hours. We didn't go away for 3 years because no one liked any of the kennels we went to see, and he has a habit of running home if he gets fed up in the park, so we couldn't trust anyone to dog sit in case he tried to make his way home. We did eventually find a kennels, miles away from where we live but run by the parents of someone we know, but the angst of 'Is he OK/What if hes lonely/what if he fights with another dog/what if the woman who ran the kennels who we've known for years isn't actually that nice in secret/ taking his favourite toys and blankets so he didn't get homesick was the level of picking a nursery for my DC! And yes, they never grow up.

Not a factor NOW but I'll be late 60s when the dog crosses over the rainbow bridge. I want to travel in my retirement and not be tied down, I know a lot of retirees who are stuck caring for elderly pets (having spent their younger years caring for DCs). I guess I am selfish in that way now, I have given all of myself raising 3 kids with zero family support and I just don't want to go back to being fully encumbered now my youngest kid is pretty self sufficient?

I love my dog dearly, she brings us all great joy.
BUT ..don't do it. Unless YOU have a burning desire for one yourseld, don't do it.
Your Dh is busy, your kids won't want to walk it in bad weather, or when they are teenagers, or before mid afternoon... it will be you, trudging through muddy fields and wishing you weren't.
Plus the cost, the insurance, the vet bills, the worry.
We are lucky in that our breeder looks after out dog when we go abroad to visit our son, otherwise we simply couldn't! Even days out have to be planned... can we take her, do we need dog care? I work part time and pay a dog walker for the afternoon walk those days and my adult son does the morning one... more expense.

I wouldn't be without my dog, but I KNEW I was committing myself to 15 years ..if we are lucky... of restrictions. And the thought of losing her one day is already unbrearable and she's only 5.

Only do it if it's for YOU... they bring more love into your life than you can imagine, but there are a lot of downsides!