AIBU to think that a dog is too much commitment?

[bamboozlette]

DH and DCs have been petitioning for a dog for years. Oldest DC will be off to uni in a couple of years, middle DC is almost 12 and youngest DC is 8. I love dogs but haven't owned one as an adult, and I am honestly very scared of the commitment. We looked into getting a toy poodle (lower maintenance than big breeds) but it seems that small breeds can live up to 18-20 years sometimes... I'm late 40s now, have a health condition that frequently leaves me feeling exhausted and the thought of having to look after an elderly animal when I'm nearly 70 myself sends shivers up my spine. I gave up my career to raise DC and am only just getting back into my stride now, DC say they'll help with the dog but they're all very busy (and I know the novelty will wear off). DH WFH but he works very very long hours, and often on weekends too. He might take the dog on a walk once a day but 90% of the care is going to fall on me. I was raised with dogs and I know it's a great thing for kids but AIBU to shudder at the two-decade commitment at this time in my life? I should add that our family live overseas, we travel for a few weeks a year and we'd have to pay for dog sitters when we travel as we have no in-built support network. Should I just suck it up for the sake of my kids? Everyone we know owns dogs and they seem to make it work so I also feel a but inadequate for even thinking it's too much to add to our plates.

@MoonCircles awww, thanks for your perspective! I'm so pleased it's working out for you. I did, for a time, want a fourth child (DH said 'no way, no how') and now I look at new mums and wonder how I ever coped! I LOVED having babies and dependent littles but I am so.darn.tired now. I find it hard to get my DC to do their chores so I'm a little sceptical when it comes to their promises to help with a pooch!

@bamboozlette I get what you’re saying, and I did have the frazzled new mum feeling when she puppy arrived, I was getting no sleep and had to carry her around in a bloody sling the whole time 🤣. Poodles aren’t known as the Velcro dogs for nothing. Like you I’m an attachment parent and despite what ‘proper’ dog people might advise I extended this to the puppy - hence why she slept cuddled up to me in bed from the start, got carried in a sling, never went near a crate and never got left by herself. But it’s resulted in a really confident, very happy little dog who feels very secure in life, and miraculously at maybe 6 months started deciding she didn’t always want to come everywhere with me, and now if I’m going somewhere and she doesn’t want to come she has a certain place of the sofa she sits on with a clear ‘I’m staying here’ look on her face, and she’s happy as Larry. So I think my instinctive attachment dog parenting worked!

re the child and responsibility, well that’s not up for debate. Don’t get me wrong there have been times in the bleak midwinter when DD was adamant she wasn’t walking the dog, I had to lose my shit and turn her screentime off to make her go, but I always won. And now she doesn’t bother trying to get out of it as she knows she’s on a hiding to nothing. So teaching her that responsibility has been good.

There have certainly been moments where I’ve questioned my own sanity in getting a dog, but we absolutely adore her and she’s one of the family now.

And re a village - you may not have one now but you can easily make one - I have 2 lovely new friends that I met through getting a pup, I met them at training classes. Their pups are the same age and love playing together, so we can sit and chat while the pups wrestle, or help each other out with dog care.

@MoonCircles that’s a good point about the village! I’m not sure anyone would be keen to take a pup for our multi-week overseas trips, though (and I just looked up some local dog sitters, the going rate here is around 40 quid a night 🫠)

@bamboozlette yes that would make a holiday pricey! If you happen to be in the south west I can give you the number for my dog sitter, she’s in Dorset.

It's not just the cost of dog sitting, it takes away the spontaneity from any trip particularly if you find someone good low cost that you want to use.

The dog my daughter pleaded for lived to 15 1/2, with I would say 98% care and finance from me. Not entirely her fault, college, uni, work etc but I should have stood firm when i said no. (Yes I did love him to bits but I am also telling the truth).

Of course dogs are not children but they need your time, care, love and attention. They need factoring in to any arrangements, just like children.

Thank you for finding the words that I could not!

Moon circles, what a lovely post. I've pretty much always had dogs. Some years ago, I had 3 kids living at home,my dog had died,DHs one was 18, we got 2 border collie puppies 6 months apart. My youngest daughter was 18 months old, I worked ft nights nursing.i look back wonder how I did it. We lost one, got 2 more. Lost one almost 18 in Jan 23. Tried rescues, our other BC is almost 9
Thought very long and hard and got a puppy last September. I was doing the night shifts, 3 weeks in, got Covid first time ever.DH 3 Days later, but I have never regretted any of my puppies
. No family support, don't use dog walkers. Don't go on holiday,we moved to near the sea and countryside . We do go out, have a dog flap, and they have a sectioned off piece of garden about 50 feet long. I was an only child,it was me and my animals