AIBU to think that a dog is too much commitment?

[bamboozlette]

DH and DCs have been petitioning for a dog for years. Oldest DC will be off to uni in a couple of years, middle DC is almost 12 and youngest DC is 8. I love dogs but haven't owned one as an adult, and I am honestly very scared of the commitment. We looked into getting a toy poodle (lower maintenance than big breeds) but it seems that small breeds can live up to 18-20 years sometimes... I'm late 40s now, have a health condition that frequently leaves me feeling exhausted and the thought of having to look after an elderly animal when I'm nearly 70 myself sends shivers up my spine. I gave up my career to raise DC and am only just getting back into my stride now, DC say they'll help with the dog but they're all very busy (and I know the novelty will wear off). DH WFH but he works very very long hours, and often on weekends too. He might take the dog on a walk once a day but 90% of the care is going to fall on me. I was raised with dogs and I know it's a great thing for kids but AIBU to shudder at the two-decade commitment at this time in my life? I should add that our family live overseas, we travel for a few weeks a year and we'd have to pay for dog sitters when we travel as we have no in-built support network. Should I just suck it up for the sake of my kids? Everyone we know owns dogs and they seem to make it work so I also feel a but inadequate for even thinking it's too much to add to our plates.

Even if you got a puppy, at one point it will be an elderly dog. If you think now you can't handle it, don't even consider it.

If your discounting breeds because of a long life span that is feeling you something surely? It's not something to go into wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Imagine how much of a commitment you think it might be and then times it by ten and you're about half way there.

Telling you something!

I would feel the same as you, @bamboozlette , I wouldn't want to take on another dependant just when I was getting more time back for myself. As someone else said, dogs are like children that never grow up.

I think you need to be clear about this with your daughter though, and let her know you definitely won't be getting a dog, no matter how much she pleads. It really won't be her having to take on the responsibility.

Sorry if it sounded harsh, it's not that I want to get it over as soon as possible but I DO want to get my life back in retirement. My DCs are not easy kids (not that any are!) and I've been through the wringer with zero family support for almost 16 years now. I'm a very hands-on mum but I do want to be selfish when they've all flown the nest. Also, I begged my mum for a pet and she relented and got us a cat. She doesn't like cats so it became mine, I adored her and she slept on my pillow every night. When I buggered off to uni, and then to travel, and do all the things youngsters do she was stuck with this cat that she never wanted, and the blessed thing lived to be almost 20! I think she lived that long out of spite as my mum really did resent her.

Darn. I was about to see if you wanted to borrow mine for a few days to see how you get on, but he is a lab. He isn't that smelly, but boy does he shed.

I’ve had a dog for 12 years now and there’s positives and negatives but it’s such a big commitment. If you are unsure then don’t do it.

In future if I ever get another I’ll be getting a senior dog, 8 years plus so it’s not as much of a long term commitment as a puppy. Just a nice retirement home for a little pooch. As the previous posters says, any puppy will be an old dog one day so if you don’t want to deal with that then don’t get a dog.

Don't do it, OP. I am a similar age to you with a 9-year-old dog and I will not be getting another one. Yes, it has been lovely having her in our lives but as PPs have said, the work, expense, and hassle are immense, and it does limit your freedom to travel and have days out. Put it this way.....do you have a spare hour in your day at the moment? Because the dog will take up AT LEAST an hour, even once they are adult and settled. A puppy will be a huge stress. Rescue dogs often have lifelong issues that limit whether you can leave them/let them off the lead/have them around other people and dogs. If you have some ongoing problems with depression and anxiety then you absolutely need to put yourself first! I hear what you are saying about DD, but the last thing she needs is a mum who is at the end of her tether, especially as she heads into her own teen years.

Well here is your answer and the reason why you shouldn’t get a dog . Eventually most dogs end up with additional needs and if you aren’t up for that then no is the right answer . Our much loved dog is nearly 14 , has extensive medical issues and although he still eats , is continent , loves a run etc about 3 nights a week he has me up and down the stairs a few times before he finally settles , other nights he is fine . You could look into fostering an in training guide dog if you have a centre nearby as that’s basically an overnight and weekend commitment.

Do not get a dog OP, you aren't depriving your DCs of anything and as you say you visit relatives a month a year so it would be a major faff.

We got a dog 6 years ago as DH was allegedly desperate for one and as DS is an only I thought it was the right thing to do. Rookiedog is a lovely creature but guess who organises dog care when we go away, and our house will never be properly clean. I still really resent DH for making such a momentous decision and we are definitely not getting another one.

I love my dogs, and have had dogs as an adult since 1985. But the two I have are my last ones. Massive commitment, daily poo picking, daily walks, daily hoovering, expense, and holiday planning are so much harder.

Saying that, the dogs have completely enriched my life, but no more.

Total and bind.

Done it before but not again.
Lovely but life changing and no freedom to just do what you want.
My mum always brings her dog to our house so because our other pets don't get on with it they get moved somewhere else in house when there.
Why can't she leave it at home for an afternoon.
Recently we went out and couldn't get a coffee as dog wasn't allowed in place.
Dog comes first.

Never ever. I grew up with one and although much loved it put me off from ever having one. Children are enough work as it is, don't need to be running around a dog too!

I think it depends on your kids really and how committed they'll be. I got my first dog at 14 and did everything for him. I was up to walk and feed him every single day before school in any weather. Came home to walk him after school before socialising. If I had plans on a weekend I set my alarm early to walk him before. I was never forced but it never felt like a chore to me, even at 14, 16 and 18 years old that dog was the most important thing in my life. He came with me when I went to uni and when I moved out. I had him for 12 years. If your kids can't offer that level of commitment and you don't want to take the full responsibility I'd say don't get one

@Daveismyhero most kids these days are not like that. love my kids. They love the dogs, but life abd young people are not the mini-adults we were back in the day…. In my honest opinion anyway 😬😁

My god PLEASE don’t do this to yourself. It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made. He’s two now, weighs 7 stone and insists on sitting on my knee. I presently actually have fleas and we haven’t been able to go away for two years and if we do we have to factor in £35 a day for kennels. Stand firm. Yes they better your life in immeasurable ways but NO

We succumbed last year the only complaint I have is how much it cost to put him in kennels when we go on holiday can easily add a grand to a trip. If you have someone to look after them do it.

This. You are being very sensible about this. Stand firm, it’s too much commitment for your stage of life. And consider the financial side to.

In the circumstances you describe, probably too much. Sorry and I realise it will disappoint your DC.

Don't do it. I've made the decision that I can't get a dog. My anxiety is bad enough without adding a dog to the mix (chocolate, raisins, other dogs etc). No more spontaneous days out in good weather.
I go litter picking instead. The dog owners always say hello and I get to pat their dogs.

You and DH would have to be 100% on board with the idea. You'd be lucky to have a dog live to 20! I say that as someone who has always had dogs since I was 13. Always 2 at one point 3,we did have 2 small breed and one border collie live to almost 18, but that is rare.. I got called some really horrible names on here a couple of years ago, someone asked the truth about owning a dog, I told it. But it suits us and our lifestyle,we're retired not interested in going on holiday,we live on the edge of a village near the sea and countryside. We lost our dear little boy Jan 23, thought long and hard, tried countless rescues,most had serious behaviour issues,no other dogs (we have an 8 year old border collie) cats, other pets, children, even visiting. Youngest DGD is 18 months.reactive to other dogs,bikes,cars, people.we went for a farm bred puppy where we used to live. She's 8 months old now.

Totally agree! I was my cat’s sole caretaker when I lived at home but kids now are totally distracted and have so many afterschool activities etc. My eldest would possibly do the occasional morning walk and an odd play session but honestly he is a teen so I set my expectations accordingly. The other two are at school all day so how much can they really help even if they want to?

Don't do it. Biggest regret of my life.

Most of my friends’ small breed dogs have lived to be 16+. DH and I were big travellers before we had kids, it’s something we both love and intend to do again when we retire. Of course nobody can predict how life will turn out but that’s our dream scenario!

Thanks for being honest. Can I ask why you regret it so much? Most people act as if dog ownership is the best thing they ever did.

I absolutely adore my dogs. I have 3 and one is elderly and I'm sure she has doggy dementia. My children are all grown up and my dogs are probably my surrogate children 🤣.
However, its thinking about holidays or weekends away takes planning when you have dogs. We use trusted home boarders but it can be expensive with 3, and not a kick in the backside of the cost of the holiday.
When my dogs cross rainbow Bridge, I know I'm going to be distraught. We did decide that our 3 year old will be our last dog.

Have you considered Borrow my Doggy? You can participate in sharing a dog without all the actual stress of owning one full time?