AIBU to think that a dog is too much commitment?

[bamboozlette]

DH and DCs have been petitioning for a dog for years. Oldest DC will be off to uni in a couple of years, middle DC is almost 12 and youngest DC is 8. I love dogs but haven't owned one as an adult, and I am honestly very scared of the commitment. We looked into getting a toy poodle (lower maintenance than big breeds) but it seems that small breeds can live up to 18-20 years sometimes... I'm late 40s now, have a health condition that frequently leaves me feeling exhausted and the thought of having to look after an elderly animal when I'm nearly 70 myself sends shivers up my spine. I gave up my career to raise DC and am only just getting back into my stride now, DC say they'll help with the dog but they're all very busy (and I know the novelty will wear off). DH WFH but he works very very long hours, and often on weekends too. He might take the dog on a walk once a day but 90% of the care is going to fall on me. I was raised with dogs and I know it's a great thing for kids but AIBU to shudder at the two-decade commitment at this time in my life? I should add that our family live overseas, we travel for a few weeks a year and we'd have to pay for dog sitters when we travel as we have no in-built support network. Should I just suck it up for the sake of my kids? Everyone we know owns dogs and they seem to make it work so I also feel a but inadequate for even thinking it's too much to add to our plates.

@bamboozlette The problem is we won't know if we enjoy it until we try

One way to see how much you will enjoy it is to start taking walks every day. At least twice a day for at least 45 minutes each time. Whatever the weather - pouring rain, howling wind, hail, snow. Fit it in before and after work, when you're hungry and have other commitments, when you don't feel 100% and have a to do list a mile long. Keep doing it.

If you're not already doing that through choice and for fun, you're why are you going to start enjoying it because you have a dog?

Lots of people get dogs to 'get them out walking' but it can quickly become a proper grind if you're not a happy willing walker.

I hate responsibility.
Dogs are a lot of responsibility has is children and partners.
Plus the cost.
So i have neither.

I waited until dd was 12yo before getting a dog.

For me the pros outweigh the cons but we've been lucky us our dog has been easy to train and we've not had any major issues.

Pros
Bought dd and I closer
He's bought us both lots of joy and love, every day he does something that makes me smile
Exercise- I walk loads now
Gets us out and about, we've found loads of lovely dog friendly places

Cons
He is a tie, we can't plan anything without considering what we're going to do with him.

YANBU

I have a horse but I don't have a dog (much as I Iove them) because they are such a huge commitment. Don't do it unless you are sure.

I would absolutely put your foot down on this OP- if 90% of the burden will fall on you, I think it's fair that you get to veto this. I wouldn't recommend that anyone get a dog if they aren't 100% on board with idea.

I love my dog and think she is wonderful, but I miss being able to travel on a whim. Unfortunately, although she was young and healthy when we adopted her, she has developed a significant life-long health condition that makes it much more difficult to find dog care, so this can be very limiting and needs booking well in advance.

You could foster a guide dog for a few months OP. You'll get a lovely Labrador or Golden Retriever with zero long term commitment.

I have at least 4 friends who do the gushy media posts about their dogs and then have privately admitted to me that they regret ever getting a dog and would never do it again. Our teen DS nags constantly for a dog - it’s a hard no. Far too much commitment and expense.

Your DS will bugger off to uni/his life in a handful of years and leave you to care for 'his' beloved pet for another decade! I really do think 'dog regret' is pretty common but nobody wants to admit it as Brits are weirdly obsessed with dogs (they seem to care more about them than kids/other humans in many cases). I like dogs a lot but they're animals, many bred for a specific purpose, not 'fur kids!'

The more you write about dogs @bamboozlette the more I think you really, really, really shouldn't get one.

I personally found the puppy stage much, much harder than the newborn stage. Perhaps I was blessed with an exceptionally even tempered baby but still…

We’re introverts so a family dog walk is our idea of a good time at the weekend, plus we tend to holiday in the UK at a family member’s cottage (who lets us bring the dog). If we were in the habit of long haul holidays or big days out, then we’d likely struggle as we don’t have family who could look after her in our absence. We rely on a fabulous doggy country club if we all have to be out for the day (weddings, family events etc) but it requires booking months in advance and there’s limited availability.

Will caveat this with the fact that we adore our furry reprobate and she is very much part of the family but having a dog doesn’t half restrict how/when we can do things.

Totally agree with this. The language used is really full of disdain for dogs in general - it's odd.

I agree too. Very odd. Dog haters obviously shouldn’t have dogs, and op clearly belong in that cathegory.

I think you're right not to do it if you're not 100% in.
Poodles (both toy and standard) are very intelligent dogs and need a lot of enrichment. They're lovely dogs but they are a lot of work.

We have dogs. I was worn down by the begging, pleading and promises to help. The dogs are now mine only!! The kids occasionally walk or feed them but I do the bulk, and I do all of the vacuuming and cleaning and washing that they generate. Dh thinks walking them once or twice a week and feeding them when he’s up/home first is half the work but he is also of the opinion that a walk every few days is sufficient as we have a large secure garden whereas I think that twice daily walking is essential. I now just crack on with it all.

Dd begged for a cat. She’s a teen now and promised to do everything for the cat. It turns out by ‘everything’ she meant stroking and cuddling and I now have another pet to vacuum after and feed. When I mentioned that ‘everything’ included the litter tray dd had an absolute meltdown and said that I was cruel for even bringing that up when she does ‘everything else’. So I haven’t raised it since and just ensure the bloody cat is fed, watered and taken care of.

I actually love the pets and I can’t say that I necessarily regret getting them but it’s been really hard going at times and has increased my workload massively. The dogs are now elderly so we’re focused on enjoying their final years but the cat is only 2 and is a house cat so she’ll be with us for many years yet. I can say that I definitely won’t have any more pets in the future and I do regret allowing myself to be bullied into it without establishing clear agreement/expectations of who does what and when.

YANBU and I say that as a dog lover and former owner. They are just too much of a tie. People talk about the puppy stage being hard, but the elderly stage can be hard too even when they have a fair quality of life.

I’m sorry but your post put a smile on my face. I can picture you talking loud to your now two best friends, the dog and the cat. 😂 It’s the three of you now.

Edit; Oh I see now that you wrote dogs. Not just one dog. 😅

Funnily enough the dogs will only sit with me on the sofa which annoys dh and the kids hugely. They know who takes care of them!!!
Unfortunately the cat treats me with the same disdain she does everyone else!!

My dog sadly died a couple of days ago, but she would always sit next to me. It’s empty now. My cats sits on dh. Like he’s an armchair. He hated cats but 8-year old dd was persistant. Dd has moved out and the cat is now nearly 16. Dh loves that cat more than anything.

My youngest dog is 5yo, I got him when I was 43 knowing he would be my last puppy. If he lives his life span I’ll be losing him when I’m around 60 at which point I won’t want the commitment or ties.

I think it is definitely sensible to look ahead when it comes to animal life spans. My elderly dog is 15 this year and she has got more health concerns now.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m sure you miss her terribly.

@inthekyoo so sorry for your loss.

I haven't read the full thread

We got our dog 4.5 years ago 6 months before lock down..

We spend about £750 -800 a month on him. Dog walker x3 a week doggy daycare x2 a week insurance food and miscellaneous..

Many will say don't bother about the dog walker doggy day care. However dh work is erratic sometimes he could manage a walk mid day other days he would be out all day. I'm out 7 30 -4. I dont want to have to straight out for a walk. So we threw money at that problem and it works well but costs.

The kids are/were amazing with him (age 20 and up) and still happily walk him when they are home but reality is only 1 is still at home and she is hoping to go within the next year too. Dh has some health issues so struggles with long walks but does do the morning Saturday Sunday walk in the local park with great enjoyment. I do longer walks and all the cleaning. (Basset hound they shed)

However Going back knowing what I do now I would 100% get him again. He enriches our lives and is the funniest cuddles most adorable dog ever. I just love him.

When he goes. I doubt we will get another.

Do I regret it? Not one bit.

Is it hard work and costly. Ohh yes..

For you OP have you considered borrow my doggy? And getting a regular agreement that way?

I actually think the reverse. That op is showing her love and respect for the animal with her worries that they wouldn’t collectively as a family be able to give it the best life; or giving it the best life will all fall to her, and she is wary of making that huge commitment.

I wish more people would give dog-ownership the same thought and consideration.

So many people are selfish and compromise on their dog’s welfare by only looking at the pleasure a dog brings to them, without considering the reverse. You only have to read the threads on here about dogs not being walked every day. For an animal which is led by its nose, that must be tantamount to imprisonment.

Op, if you travel abroad frequently to see family, then I do not think you are being unreasonable at all.

The hardest part of dog ownership for us is not just finding dog sitters (and very, very occasionally dog walkers) but good, trustworthy ones. Tbh we have given up trying now our eldest dog is thirteen years old, and we just don’t go away anymore, as we would be too concerned about the stress it would cause him.

Exactly! He’s great with dogs and we’ve told him he needs to wait until he has his own place and then get one. Like many PPs our plans for retirement involve spontaneity and travel - not things that dog ownership allows!

@Marbledleaves678 I don't think her language shows any kind of love and care, to be honest.

I agree more people should do their research but I don't think OP sounds like someone who should even be considering dog ownership. There's no warmth or anything in what she says.