AIBU to think that a dog is too much commitment?

[bamboozlette]

DH and DCs have been petitioning for a dog for years. Oldest DC will be off to uni in a couple of years, middle DC is almost 12 and youngest DC is 8. I love dogs but haven't owned one as an adult, and I am honestly very scared of the commitment. We looked into getting a toy poodle (lower maintenance than big breeds) but it seems that small breeds can live up to 18-20 years sometimes... I'm late 40s now, have a health condition that frequently leaves me feeling exhausted and the thought of having to look after an elderly animal when I'm nearly 70 myself sends shivers up my spine. I gave up my career to raise DC and am only just getting back into my stride now, DC say they'll help with the dog but they're all very busy (and I know the novelty will wear off). DH WFH but he works very very long hours, and often on weekends too. He might take the dog on a walk once a day but 90% of the care is going to fall on me. I was raised with dogs and I know it's a great thing for kids but AIBU to shudder at the two-decade commitment at this time in my life? I should add that our family live overseas, we travel for a few weeks a year and we'd have to pay for dog sitters when we travel as we have no in-built support network. Should I just suck it up for the sake of my kids? Everyone we know owns dogs and they seem to make it work so I also feel a but inadequate for even thinking it's too much to add to our plates.

Could you be a foster family to a dog? Dog's Trust are always on the look out for foster families. No outlay for yourselves, food, vets etc paid for by Dog's Trust, and they move on, so you get a chance to see if it's for you long term.

Foster.
Rescues are crying out for foster carers.

Or get a senior dog.

You can count your DC out, the novelty will wear off quick.
Your DH isn’t being too unreasonable if it’s a senior dog. 1 walk would generally do- maybe!

He is being unreasonable to expect you to do it all though. Vets, grooming, picking up poop, etc

We've got a retired greyhound. He's about as low maintenance as a dog gets. He's still a MASSIVE commitment. I love him and wouldn't change him but having a dog is a tie.

You're 100% right to stick to your guns OP. I'd second the suggestion of cinnamon trust above. I used to walk a lovely dog for an old older lady nearby. Him and my dog became best friends and he became part of our family but without any commitment

I would have thought foster carers would need to be more experienced with dogs.
Cinnamon Trust might be easier option- looking after dogs when their owners are unable to, or join Borrowmydoggy and look after someone's dog when they are on holiday.

I think if you are truly opposed to the idea, even if the rest of the family is on board, you shouldn't do it. If you're on the fence and curious about whether you would enjoy dog ownership, I agree with PPs that some sort of foster arrangement could give you a good idea about what having a dog is really like.

My dogs have added so much to my life. Of course, there are downsides as others on this thread have mentioned. It can be tricky to arrange things sometimes, with a busy family life, a job, etc. and meet everyone's at times competing needs (the dog's included). But for me the joy of having a dog far outweighs the drawbacks. That's me, though. Many people would weigh up the pros and cons, and come to a different but perfectly reasonable conclusion.

The happy owners I know have family living close by who can take the dog for days/weeks as needed. If you don't have that, stick to your gut feeling.

YANBU. I got cats when we settled, because the children always wanted a cat, and I figured at least they're relatively independent. But they still need a lot of looking after, general admin (getting food, washing bowls emptying litter, checking for ticks, brushing, cleaning up when the little sod of a boy cat is cross and wees on the bathmat etc.)

And we've got them for at least 12 years (normal life-span of the breed), so they'll be popping off about the same time the kids go to uni/move out, but until then, every time we're going away I have to find someone to pop in and feed them, then deal with their matts when we get back (they won't let anyone but me and DSes groom them) etc. It's a hassle, and I won't be getting more. They're lovely, but they're work.

We did look after a dog for a bit too (cats and DS2 stayed upstairs the whole week), and it was just too much on top of everything else. Dog was clingy (lovely, but clingy), needed multiple walks a day poop scooping, and prodigious amounts of feeding.

Don't do it unless you want to OP. You'll grow to resent it.

I am a less than perfect dog owner, I took on an elderly dog, she is great and fit's in with our life fine. She likes to visit other people when we go away, they tend to be more generous with the snacks for a start and don't expect her to walk further when she puts the brakes on. She actually looks disappointed when we go to pick her up

Not always true . I’m a very happy dog owner even when he has me up half the night and he has never been left with family or a dog sitter . In 14 yrs we have never needed outside help with him .

I agree with you on everything. We had to put our 13-year old little girl down a couple of days ago. I never in my life thought I would be this sad, because of a dog. The heartache. We will not get another dog. Even our 15-year old cat is grieving, calling and looking for her night and day.

Sorry for your loss 💐

Have you never been away without your pup? We have to travel otherwise we won’t get to see family so boarding would be essential for us.

Nah and certainly not a poodle, they are super smart, super high maintenance... im a behaviourist trainer who works from home, doing nothing but dog related stuff and I wouldn't have a poodle.

If you want a doggy fix without the life time commitment, you could see about fostering for rescues.

I will caveat this - be careful WHICH rescues. Good ones will give you as much history as they can, contribute to food and pay vet bills, honour your holiday commitments and move the dog swiftly if there is a problem.

Shit rescues will dump you with a dog with issues and be gone into the fucking distant sunset in a cloud of dust.

I have worked with Irish Retriever Rescue in the past (as a trainer) and they seem to treat their fosterers extremely well and are actively looking for fosters, if you like Golden retrievers of course (pretty good dogs but may be on the big side for you!).

@bamboozlette I’ve been away with my daughter but my husband stays home or our adult son lives in . It works for us . Many people happily board their dogs though and there’s nothing wrong with that . I just don’t trust anyone else with mine 😀

Thank you. ❤️

As others have said, I love my dog more than life itself, he is a joy to my life, makes me laugh and he loves me unconditionally. He gives me light when I feel unappreciated by my 5 children and feel like everything is a bit pointless. He gives me purpose and I would spend my last penny to care for him. He has never even growled at another dog, is a cheery chap who is well socialised and well behaved at home. He makes me feel safe as he has a seriously scary bark!
BUT - he costs me an absolute fortune which I struggle to afford, I have dog walkers 3x a week and he is 40kg so eats alot!
Definitely do not get a dog just for your children. You have to want a dog even more than your kids for you to even contemplate getting one and even then add on a bit more desire before you get one!

But it seems as though everyone has them! I just feel like a bit of a failure for not managing what everyone else does (although as a PP said, most probably have family support that you never hear about in the gushy social media posts)

Do you want to pick up s**t for years? You will be the one cleaning the garden.

This would be a great thing to do.

Oh this thread resonates so much! I have sometimes felt guilty of denying my children the experience of having a dog, especially my youngest as it would make them so happy. Both parents have had dogs growing up but don’t really want the commitment now on top of everything else. I can see how ‘my’ dogs were really looked after by my parents and when the first one died is the only time I have ever seen my dad cry. Our get out clause is that daddy is allergic (only to some dogs/breeds but we are not sure which). But there is so much more than that: time for the dog with kids at school and parents working, then having to walk it several times a day every day in all weathers, dark cold wet and windy winter nights and early mornings. Who has time in the morning anyway! Not to mention the poo. Then there’s the cleaning, dog hair everywhere with some breeds, muddy paws, the smell, the expense of food, vet, insurance. We also travel a fair bit so that’s an added hassle. I say to my children that when they grow up and they have their own home they can get a pet. I hope it is not cold hearted and they don’t suffer any lasting damage from being pet deprived!

This reminds me of the smartphone business… “but everyone else has one”. I am astonished by how so many people have dogs. But not everybody has one. Trust your instinct!

If you really don't want a dog op you need to be very clear with your dc, otherwise they will keep hoping and nagging at you. Tell them it is 100% not happening, they will get over it. Would they accept a cat as a pet? We always had dogs but adopted a cat a couple of years ago and we all love her to bits. Still a commitment but not in the same league as a dog imo.

Poodles are clever and need stimulation. I'd get an older rescue dog who is less likely to need long daily walks of you are worried you may need a day off here and there. It's not ideal for the dog but it's actually good you are being realistic about responsibility. I have a dog and get out for 2hrs a day (young active dog) and I can advocate for how dogs can be life changing for your health and mental health if you have the time to put into them. If you work full time and are juggling 3 kids I can see that isn't always possible. I think you aging is actually a pro to get a dog as it will keep you active, but not a puppy or dog under 5.

Trust your gut, you don’t want to look after a dog. Your grown up children can lumber themselves with a dog when they get their own homes. Look forward to your well earned retirement travelling the world. The planet does not need to support another dog. Just because you’re a woman does not mean you have to look after others for your entire freaking life.

People make it work because they really want a dog.

if you don’t feel that strongly about having one, the hassle isn’t worth it.