To think most working mums are overwhelmed?

[Contraversialcate]

YABU it’s just you
YANBU everyone is working hard and societal expectations and demanding children

I just got thinking about all the hard working, capable mums I know (most of whose kids are 10 or younger) and all feel at capacity in managing home and work life. Is that right? Should we feel like that? And yes #blessed, grateful to have children etc but I feel like there’s a squeeze all around and it’s impossible to look after your own physical / mental health due to time/ money reasons

Yes. And it definitely doesn't stop at 10!! Teens and preteens are very full on at times !

Yes, and agree with previous post, doesn't get easier when they become teenx

Yes. My life only became easier when the dead weight that was their dad left. Now I actually get some time off to myself every week to relax and do what I want while they are with their dad.

YANBU. I think I’ve been overwhelmed every second of every day for 5 years 😂

Yep. Every working mum I know is overwhelmed (including me). I do think it’s easier now they are older (11 and 9). But the pressure of our mortgage thanks to the huge increase in interest rates isn’t helping.

It was most certainly hectic and I had to be super organized, but I wasn't overwhelmed.

However, even though I was working full time, with minimal maternity leave, I was running my own consultancy business by the time babies 2 and 3 came along, so at least I was able to organize my time, rather than having to be in an office 9 till 5.

And the fact that my husband pulled his weight definitely helped. That was crucial, actually.

I have been a SAHM and now a working mum.

they are both overwhelming in different ways.

when I was a SAHM, it was relentless and not getting a break from the kids and essentially having to do everything like school/activities/play dates etc or having a chance to be ‘me’ was tough. I have a great husband who did his fair share but he also worked alot to be able to provide for us so in my eyes as the one being at home I was the one who took on the house stuff so he could do that

now as a working mum, its a different hard, trying to fit everything into a few compressed hours is tough, trying to juggle kids/school/activities and work especially during school holidays is a daily challenge but at the same time I do get to go to work and be me and not mum for a few hours.

no one has has it easier/harder than anyone else. Someone’s easy can easily be someone’s hard. We are all just trying to do our best out here.

Add to the delight of teens I have elderly parents and relatives. It’s this endless guilt and exhaustion.

A lot of my peers seem to really be struggling with this. I'm a SAHM and more than one have told me not to be in a rush with jobhunting.

Yes I think it's a really tough juggling act working full time and being a mum to young children. I don't think the two are actually compatible in reality. Our family only make it work really by having flexible jobs, working from home and having family support. I have no idea what we would do if we didn't have those things.

At the moment it feels like we're just about ok until someone gets sick. It takes us a few weeks to get back to an even keel, then the next lot of sickness comes along.

My two are both still at nursery, so at least they're in for my full working hours. God knows what we're going to do once they start school - pray that they get a place in wraparound I guess.

In my case I see a very clear divide between those who have extended family that can do things like plug gaps in holiday and wraparound care or look after one child while the other is taken to an extra curricular activity.

Yes!! I have DDs 2 and 4 and work full time. It’s awful and stressful and I hate it plus the nursery fees are stupid. But we need two incomes…

It's definitely not easy balancing everything and I can imagine it is difficult with a full on job, a DH that doesn't pull his weight and kids that need you.

Personally not for me. We both work full time, but our child is in nursery so it’s easier. We both do an equal share of care and house stuff. I wfh mostly so no added commuting times. I don’t find it stressful, I like it, we don’t have family help, but we do go and visit grandparents a few times a year.

When I saw the thread, my first thought was the, probably, 100s of threads on here where not only do dads not do their fair share of the ‘mental load’, ‘emotional Labour’, parenting and household/life chores, they actually cause more work in those areas.

My DH is actually on board with doing his fair share and sees himself as a feminist ally but I’ve had to work so hard to push him to actually do his FAIR share rather than just the obvious stuff like washing up after dinner.

Yes and this feeling doesn't stop at 10. Mine are teens. I have worked full time since they were 6 months old.

I manage/ed with the support of extended family and having cleaners etc. I finally "snapped " last year and now work in a school. Which has its own demands but at least I know I have a break every 7/8 weeks. Managing annual leave with school holidays is very difficult.

i can’t vote because it’s not just you. Lots of people feel overwhelmed.

But I also don’t agree with your post.

I have never felt pressure to just be grateful and #blessed. Life has actually been easier as a single parent. Exh was actually great. He had a mental health crisis and never recovered.
Compared to how it was when he was ill and living with us it was a blissfully calm. Those few years were soul crushingly hard. Life feels quite easy. Maybe it’s just because it feels easier in comparison.

The kids are older now. One is an adult at uni. One a teenager and life is pretty good. But even when they were younger I never felt consistently overwhelmed or stressed out. Obviously, if work was very busy and there was stuff at home, then yes there would be periods where I didn’t feel I had enough hours in the day. But not all the time.

My career has progressed massively since I became a single parent. So I am now busier in that sense. But I think we are in a good routine now. Especially if I am working from home.

Life does get easier. As they get older. But I think a lot of the pressure comes from ourselves. When me and exh split, my aim was to get to a point where life was just better than what we had before. I didn’t put pressure on myself for the situation to be perfect or expect myself to be a perfect parent. Just have an overall better situation than we were in.

I've never felt overwhelmed. I only have 1 child though which probably makes a difference. No family help at all, always worked.

Yes, combination of work, domestic duty, lazy teens, messy house really drag me down.

My advice would be to phone the schools to get yourself booked in as soon as you've applied for a place. You can call to cancel the ones you don't get into.

I phoned the day after we had our place confirmed, and there were no spaces. Despite them telling us there was plenty of wraparound care available. Turns out there were only 10 places for Reception children, in a two-form entry school. Oh and they only run holiday club for half the school holidays. It's been stressful...

Yes, I am consistently overwhelmed.

Am sometimes envious of those I know who have 6 hours a day whilst their children are at school to do as they please (I still have to do the same amount of life admin/child admin/housework/extra curricular management as they do but have to fit it around working 8 hours a day).

Being a SAHP to children not in nursery or school is exceptionally hard work but I can’t see how it isn’t easier when your kids are in school/nursery 6+ hours a day.

This!
Having kids is overwhelming.
I was a SAHM and my DH was great at doing his fair share of the practical stuff. But I did the mental stuff and all the doctors/hospital/school stuff.
And yes, it doesn't stop once they get past 10. Mine are both at uni now and I've had a couple of the hardest years just recently, not helped by adding very elderly parents into the mix.

Yes but it passes