To think most working mums are overwhelmed?

[Contraversialcate]

YABU it’s just you
YANBU everyone is working hard and societal expectations and demanding children

I just got thinking about all the hard working, capable mums I know (most of whose kids are 10 or younger) and all feel at capacity in managing home and work life. Is that right? Should we feel like that? And yes #blessed, grateful to have children etc but I feel like there’s a squeeze all around and it’s impossible to look after your own physical / mental health due to time/ money reasons

There’s a difference between working hard and being overwhelmed. I’ve gone with your title and voted YABU based on my own experience of working FT as a single parent.

Interesting. How did you manage holidays and sick children? That was the hardest bits for me.

I wasn’t overwhelmed as a full time working Mum. I’m very overwhelmed as a part time working Mum, I find the parenting harder.

Holiday clubs, sometimes grandparents. Obviously we used all our leave ( not always at the same time!) sick days I used to wfh or use flexi time, was lucky they weren’t very sicky kids tbh Less than 10 or so days each to the end of primary I’d say. I think a couple of times I took unpaid leave , I also used to buy extra annual leave too which was helpful and over the summer sometimes working 4 long days and having the 5th off in flexi ( which we aren’t allowed to do anymore )

Busy, yes, overwhelmed, no. And busy because I’ve chosen to take promotions when available (as has DH), which has meant more meetings that run past 9-5. But we throw money at things (cleaner etc) and DH pulls his weight so (baring any unexpected problems) it’s manageable.

I don't know, I haven't got the time or headspace to think about it. I'll get back to you in a decade or two, once the kids have left home. 😵‍💫

Not the previous poster, but for me: 1) mine are rarely ill these days, way less than they were as preschoolers, 2) these days I can and do just WFH with them tucked up in bed or on the couch and just check on them occasionally. Holidays, there are plenty of holiday camps around that offer full days.

Definitely, I have a 1yo and work full-time and there is a constant feeling that, whatever I am doing, I should be doing something else.

Washing basket constantly overflowing, dishwasher needing loading/unloading, toys need tidying...never ends.

So glad it's not just me!

No it's never been my experience. I've been part time since having my eldest though and would have had to hire a cleaner if I had stayed full time. Dh is an equal parent and has more flexibility in his role so it wasn't automatically me taking time off if any of the kids were sick. I'm self employed and he has been able to compress his hours so we don't need childcare. He realises work /life balance is important to our family and is supportive of it. I am naturally organised but have a routine that keeps on top of everything as we don't have any help. Again dh does his bit as soon as he steps through the door. It's busy with 3 but I love it. I am aware though that if I had to work full time or had a useless dh I would struggle.

In a word, NO.

It's stressful at all ages. Even when older you have elderly parents to care for, often at the same time as parenting teenagers. I found the early years especially hard, but then did have four kids so only myself to blame, but juggling that with working nightshifts etc was the worst time of my life. I often feel i should look back on those years with good memories but I can't because it was all awful.

I guess I am in the minority as I don’t find working full time with kids a struggle. I do have a very low stress job though and a husband who pulls his weight. We don’t have elderly parents that need looking after as well which I can imagine would hugely complicate things, on the flip side of that we’ve never had any parental help with kids either.

Maybe as we had children later in life we have a different perspective - we benefit from this wisdom that invariably comes with age and don’t really put ourselves in the position of ever getting to the point of feeling overwhelmed.

I think Grandparents are often the saviours. We had none that helped and DH works shifts so it was impossible. Also our kids are always fecking ill! The holiday clubs around here did school hours but no wraparound care so again not great. Our leave of 10 weeks didn't cover the 13 weeks of holiday (especially when they went to different schools and had different fecking holidays for 4 weeks of the year taking up to 17 weeks) this also meant we would never had time for a family holiday. How lone parents manage is amazing (and must be with some help otherwise impossible).

That is why being able to WFH is so important.

All these companies who insist on people having to go in to the office when it isn't necessary are causing so much stress for working mothers and are losing out because their employees are so stressed.

I am a manager for 2 working mothers and I don't care when or where they do their work as long as the work is done.

Busy, but not overwhelmed. However, I have one child who is in y1 and I work school hours (28 hours a week). So yes I don’t feel like I have a lot of time to myself, but I realise we’re really lucky to have the balance that we do. I don’t personally want to work any more hours than I do currently because we have zero outside help with our child, and my husband works more / travels for work. I appreciate we’re lucky to be able to do this financially!

Oh and I do WFH permanently which makes life a lot easier as I can do every single drop off and pick up!

Sick days I WFH anyway so I work with her at home, luckily my employers are great and I can always make up the time in the evening anyway. Holidays we use holiday club or take leave, although we prefer to save our leave to actually travel (I am currently mumsnetting from a sun lounger), there is one at her school so luckily that’s not too much of a problem.

Yes, this! I’m widowed and it would be ‘fine’ if I had my one NT child, but the ND one with mental health difficulties is tipping me over the edge. But I can pay the bills. If my husband was alive and kids were both NT, life would be a piece of cake and I’m sure I’d be very smug about my fantastic parenting and work life balance.

Parenting is hard work, especially if you don't have a partner or family to support you, add working on top of that and you basically have a recipe for burn out. If you or your child have extra support needs then I imagine it is even harder (not been there so don't want to comment too much on other's behalf).

This!!

I couldn't do it. I did work fulltime but have now gone to just two days a week. DS has additional needs, quite complex and the pressure was too much and something was going to give.
Being a SAHM (which I will be full time in August) is hard too though. It was easier with my DDs as we had grandparents to help/give me an occasional break but they are too elderly now.
Everything appointments, therapy, cooking, cleaning is down to me as DH works and that is hard too.

If they’re not I’m very impressed. I’m a SAHM to one child and I get overwhelmed. He is only a baby so that might be why but still I definitely couldn’t cope with working on top of this. I don’t know how people do it.

Yeah, they used to dish out sedatives generously to working mums in the 60s and 70s but they were highly addictive and affected memory so they stopped. Now we just have alcohol and mental.health issues.

YANBU but I think most mums throughout history have always felt like this, whether working or not!