To think most working mums are overwhelmed?

[Contraversialcate]

YABU it’s just you
YANBU everyone is working hard and societal expectations and demanding children

I just got thinking about all the hard working, capable mums I know (most of whose kids are 10 or younger) and all feel at capacity in managing home and work life. Is that right? Should we feel like that? And yes #blessed, grateful to have children etc but I feel like there’s a squeeze all around and it’s impossible to look after your own physical / mental health due to time/ money reasons

Yeah, I’m knackered

I am completely overwhelmed. It doesn't help that I have to go to the office every day. It would be much easier if I could WFH, that would save me over 10 hours of commute a week that I could use to start getting dinner ready earlier, for example. I am always rushing. It is awful

It’s hard work but the money is wonderful and gives me kids many opportunities they wouldn’t have otherwise. It’s all very well saying “kids just need free activities like a kick around the park” when they’re young. That doesn’t work with teenagers or if you’re hoping to support them through university

I was utterly overwhelmed working FT, with 2 primary aged DC with SN. (I burnt out. Twice).

I now work PT self employed but there are still many days when I struggle.

DC2 has weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, 6 monthly and annual medical appointments that I need to keep on top of.

DC1 has monthly, 6 weekly, 6 monthly and annual medical appointments.

DC1 is also currently being investigated for something which has required 3 Dr appointments, 1 scan and a blood test so far.

Both do 2 sessions of sport clubs a week plus occasional weekend competitions.

We have no family or friend support network (recently moved overseas).

DH does what he can but is a C suite executive so has MANY responsibilities through work. The plus side is that money is the one thing I don't have to worry about.

Last year my DS2 missed 50% of his school time: through school refusal, strikes, illness and teacher absence. Suffice to say, I struggled a LOT! (Especially with never knowing if school was going to call me to collect him).

There are so many variables. I would be a lot less overwhelmed and stressed if I had 2 generally healthy NT kids and I could safely work without worrying about being called to school. Or how I'm going to fit in all the appointments.

I was once talking to a colleague and saying how my stress levels rose every time my mobile rang at work. She was astonished because she just dropped her DD off at school and didn't think about her again until it was time to pick her up from ASC.

It’s super busy, and full on but I don’t feel overwhelmed? The only times I did feel overwhelmed was when I’ve had to take a DC to A&E which is very rarely.

I think parents have it easier today with paid maternity leave, free hours of childcare, flexible working as a legal right, and lots of childminders available.

@SummerFeverVenice I can't get a childminder for my DS. The one I used pre pandemic went bust as did many locally. Now places are at a premium and there is no one at all collecting from his school. It's had a big effect on my job and stress levels in general. Changing school is not an option.

I'm a single mum. I don't feel overwhelmed exactly. Slightly giggly and hysterical on occasion but I haven't actually cracked yet. 😁

@BringMeSunshineAllDayLong I have to say that as a lone parent to two with additional needs (and one under investigation) I spend most of my life chasing my tail and running from one thing to another. I can't work full time as the kids need me and I have no substantial childcare available (no after school clubs or childminder places available). I've got annual leave at the moment and gone down with the lurgey, I think my body has just had enough and taken advantage of me not having to be out early and busy to have a meltdown. Hopefully I'll be recovered before schools go back on Monday. People (sometimes on here) have the cheek to tell people in my position that we're lazy because we're not working longer hours to get off the dreaded universal credit too.

Yes not easy. I dont feel its got easier Im part T. Then elderly parents are demanding.... so u always pulled all ways

I have overwhelming days but I'm sure SAHM's do too. I don't feel overwhelmed day to day, I love my career and it isn't always easy balancing it with being a parent but it's most definitely worth it.

Mine are a little older now so easier in many ways but I took a wfh job full time 16 years ago before I had my kids and it’s been amazing for me in terms of flexibility and seeing the kids for more of the day. I could earn more but what I have is enough and it’s enabled me to spread the load and not worry about the commute.

This is the exact analogy I use! It’s so draining

Going through a heart wrenching separation at the moment, this made me well up. I have struggled
to see a silver lining, but I can cling on to this.

When my girls were little, mums with older kids would tell me that the teen stage was hardest. I used to think 'but HOW could that be?'

Now I know

Would be interested to see a day in the life of the 12% who voted yabu - what is their secret and can I have some please?!?!?

It was hard work, but I wouldn't say overwhelming. But, I don't care about societal expectations, we both dropped down to 30 hours, my other half did a proper 50% of childcare and our house was a complete mess for a few years.

I’ve skim read this thread and am I right in thinking that there is a correlation between those people co parenting with a partner that does their fair share and the ‘I don’t find it overwhelming’ camp?

I expect this is the case, a hands on DH that pulls his weight or a stressed out Mum that has to do everything and have an extra man child to mother.

A domestic load that is shared equally, and enough extra money to buy in a bit of help. Sorry. I know that's not the answer anybody wants to hear.

FWIW - there was a rocky patch when baby #1 was born and he expected me to take the lead on everything baby. I used a combination of yelling, reasoning, and pointing out that my uterus didn't endoe me with magical baby knowledge and I was just as clueless and terrified as him to get us rebalanced eventually. We also shared the parental leave both times including stints of him at home with the baby while I worked, and we'd live in a better world if more couples were willing and able to do this.

Dabralor
Would be interested to see a day in the life of the 12% who voted yabu - what is their secret and can I have some please?!?!?

For me it's:
-1 NT and healthy child
-Flexible working pattern and getting well paid
-A dh who will come in from work and get the hoover out / stick a wash on whilst I'm cooking, basically does more than his fair share
-supportive friends and family

• lots of free time to go to gym, watch Netflix, read a book, have beauty treatments, meet friends
• no other caring responsibilities. Parents are both healthy and mid 60's

I have such huge respect for lone parents and have never understood how anyone can be anything but filled with admiration of how people are coping with managing a house and kids alone. Let alone disabled kids I really hope you feel better and get some rest/support. 💐

There are not lots of childminders, at all. There are two that collect from our (large) school, and none at the next closest. A lot gave up during Covid. Places at after-school club are also very limited - I know someone who's 15th in line for a Wednesday place.

Sorry, lots compared to twenty years ago. Back then, you had to join a wait list as soon as you were pregnant to three/four childminders to be sure of a place in a year’s time. We didn’t have after school clubs then.

But that's the same now. There's more childminders but many more working parents. Neither of the closest schools to me, despite being reasonably sized and in an area of mainly two parents as working professionals, offered wrap-around care when I applied for my child.

This is definitely us. I work full time in a demanding role with 2 DC, aged 1 and 6. Its bloody relentless and that's with a very supportive partner who works 4 days a week which takes the pressure off a bit. It's like a military operation just getting through the basics of a week. That said it's sort of my choice and I'm happy with it.