To think most working mums are overwhelmed?

[Contraversialcate]

YABU it’s just you
YANBU everyone is working hard and societal expectations and demanding children

I just got thinking about all the hard working, capable mums I know (most of whose kids are 10 or younger) and all feel at capacity in managing home and work life. Is that right? Should we feel like that? And yes #blessed, grateful to have children etc but I feel like there’s a squeeze all around and it’s impossible to look after your own physical / mental health due to time/ money reasons

I found it much much easier when I was working - at the time I thought it was hard but it’s nothing compared to now not working and home educating due to SEN.
When I was working there were so many ‘breaks’ - the commute, a coffee break, change of task, lunch etc, very defined schedule and now it’s 24/7 chaos

I couldn't agree more! It pisses me off too as it's definitely easier to have just one job instead of two, which working mums have! The level of stress caused by external demands of work is incomparable with the stress that staying at home obviously also causes. Yes, both are exhausting, but at least no one can fire you from being a mum and you don't have to constantly juggle your kids' needs (especially when sick!) with the needs of a boss who's not cutting you any slack because you've been up all night with a sick toddler (which is in turn the said boss' right as it's your job after all). Anyhoo...

Just to add, I'm not talking about kids with SEN as that's a totally different ballgame.

I am. I'm a single parent to an ASD daughter (12) who has fluctuating SSH ideation. I work full time, thankfully WFH, and it's the mental load that is draining. Her dad has nothing to do with her. It's often just the mother who bears the mental load of the household, no matter if there are two parents, or just one.

How on earth do you manage. That is immense.

Yes I work and have 2 under 7. No family support or help. Husband works long shift patterns that changes every 2 days and I'm so overwhelmed it's unreal. We struggle and I'm very stressed about our fixed rate mortgage ending this summer. ☹️

There isn’t a choice is there.

Throw in a parent with advanced dementia and it's even tougher

I wish I had started a thread which encouraged the solutions but I just don’t think there are any obvious ones :( thanks all for your replies.

I only referenced mums with kids younger than 10 as the majority of people I know, not that I think it’ll get easier, I am terrified of having teenage girls!

I have 1, 3 and 6 yo girls - 3 yo has genetic condition and severe disabilities. Objectively I have my hands full but total inadequacy of local council and NHS therapies have made life even harder

Good luck to everyone and solidarity to the sisterhood - got to help each other where we can. I wouldn’t survive day to day without my friends and network - in the absence of meaningful help from family

Do you have support of a partner? The only friends I have who are run ragged have quite unsupportive partners or are single.

God, yes. Mine are 20 and 16 now. I could only take 3 weeks off when dd1 was born (self employed plus managing a house build) and I've felt at capacity for pretty much all of the last 20 years tbh. Still self employed so good flexibility for school runs etc but still realllly tough with no help from exh. Now they're older it's different stresses but there's a lot of emotional support needed and they obviously stay up pretty late so I've long since lost my evenings. I get the odd night/weekend to myself these days when they can bring themselves to see their Dad and that helped a lot, even if only to catch up on all the housework etc.

I adore my girls, I'm proud of how I've raised them despite their twat of a father, I'm grateful for the relationship we all have now, and have had over the years. But my God I am TIRED and find being the Fixer for everyone - including work and elderly parents 2.5 hours away - really tough. Menopause is not helping either. I regularly feel overwhelmed and try to get a handle on it but one crisis is enough to tip the balance most of the time, at least in my own head.

Thank you! This is exactly how I feel. Mother now have to be everything to everyone and it’s exhausting.

I had to give up a job I loved as I just couldn’t cope with the stress of constantly letting someone down and having no family help.

This! Exhausted doesn’t even cover it there doesn’t seem to be any give from schools either or life in general it’s hard!

imagine if all mums just downed tool And refused to work the world would literally stop I think! Maybe then people
would take notice