To think most working mums are overwhelmed?

[Contraversialcate]

YABU it’s just you
YANBU everyone is working hard and societal expectations and demanding children

I just got thinking about all the hard working, capable mums I know (most of whose kids are 10 or younger) and all feel at capacity in managing home and work life. Is that right? Should we feel like that? And yes #blessed, grateful to have children etc but I feel like there’s a squeeze all around and it’s impossible to look after your own physical / mental health due to time/ money reasons

I don’t think limited availability is quite the same as doesn’t exist anywhere.

No idea if it’s normal but yep, also feel like this!

I work full time and found the teen years much more difficult. Both DS’s have ADHD and have suffered from bouts of poor mental health. It’s been very hard not being available to them when they’ve needed emotional support. Im
not really supposed to have my mobile in surgery (dental) but my boss is very understanding and knows there might be times i’m needed even just for a reassuring text or two.

Nah, I picked my toddler up from daycare, met up with my DH for a rock climbing session - I played/climbed with our DS while my DH did his training session. I took DS home and fed him while my DH finished his climbing session. And while DS finished his food, I tidied the kitchen and popped a tray of cookies in the oven, so my DH would come home from his climbing session to freshly baked cookies and a deliciously smelling house.

But yeah... All kidding aside. I managed this today, but most days I'm too exhausted to form coherent sentences, never mind food shopping and cooking, by evening time. And taking an angry and tired toddler to a grocery store after work is just... Overwhelming.

YANBU - I feel fairly lucky since I have one child and as a teacher I get the holidays. However I do at least 90% of all other life admin and my partner does small bits (washing up when he fancies it and usually takes DS to karate on a Wednesday and Friday evening). However add in that my DP has been really unwell with an autoimmune condition at the moment and with no family support nearby, things have been really exhausting. There’s no way I could handle having more than one child.

Yanbu

See, your post is interesting because SHOULD we feel like that? Absolutely not!! But we do! Society has a lot of expectations that we somehow feel we need to keep up with, Cost of living is crazy so we need to be working harder/earning more. However we should always be 100% available for our kids as well as household chores, homework etc too. It’s really unrealistic! I feel burnt out, and all I want is to have quality time with my kids, where I don’t have to worry about the 101 things on my todo list!

This is me...a toddler, a teen, a tween and two very frail 80 year olds who I feel extreme guilt about when I miss a visit. It's hard isn't it.

This is definitely me too... in a constant state of mild panic that I should be doing everything quicker because there's still so much to do. Even now, writing this, I'm thinking about that email that I still need to write tonight. And the online shopping that I still need to do. And the activities I want to plan for my DS. And... a milion other things.

Working full time with young kids is really something else. The constant pressure is huge.

Yes I'm overwhelmed at times and even when I'm not actively feeling overwhelmed I'm always on the edge

It definitely passes. It was a juggling act when DD was younger, but she's 15 now. We only have the one (by choice), and life is an absolute breeze now. She is a really good, sensible, head screwed on teen so no worries about wrong crowds etc.

In fact, just got back from a lovely day trip to London.

It does pass OP.

That’s largely because I suspect what the OP is referring to has not hit you yet. One child in nursery and working full time is easy to balance. Balance is still in the adults favour. As they get older, school ages, siblings etc, it is an entirely different ball game.

For me Its my sen kids making it harder
So trips out exhausting.
11yo who wont get dressed easily.
Mine wwere also very ill 3-4 and 7yo.
Imo the set up of the country makes all harder
Crap public transport expensive breaks down

School only till 3/4pm
parents basically doing all the reading rteaching/speklling and tt

School doing so limited sport
Wont put suntan lotion

Dont teach swimming to actual level

Behaviour of other kids making yours worse

Not knowing which school your child will get from your area

No school trips so any cultural is at home

I get overwhelmed but then I speak up and dh takes on extra. I added a postgrad course which I’m hoping will be life changing when it ends and that stress goes. Never again will I have such a stupid midlife crisis on top of 3 dc and a full time job.

Im older now and I think It know why. Women are Exploited, not cared for.
I remember how life was last century.
When a woman gave birth she moore than likely lived near family who helped. She stayed in hospital longer. It used to be normal to stay Two weeks in hospital.
Women now HAVE to work, ONE wage used to be enough to do everything.
The government are looking to be congratulated for funding day care places for 9 month babies. I think thats TRAGIC - w hy not fund MOTHERS to stay HOME with their Own Baby ?????????

Yes. 10 years and counting of being totally overwhelmed. As kids grow older it won't get easier (SEN). DH earns very well and I work almost full time because we have to pay for every single element of support we need - childcare, cleaning, additional teaching support at home, sports outside school as school barely provides, and assessments to prove that the children need extra help emotionally and academically which in itself is a full time job. No siblings and parents are elderly and in fragile health so there is that worry to deal with too.

OP, I was you 10 yrs ago.... I have 4 teens
I work full time now, kids need less time, but obviously still need me or DH to manage everything at home
Add in eldery parents who live nearby into the mix and it's all consuming. There is just no me time. I think it still all falls to mothers / daughters and it can be exhausting.

Yep constantly overwhelmed here to OP!

I have a 7 year old and a 13 year old. It’s more the admin side for me, trying to remember all the different things that are going on at school and in their social lives. Oh and making sure there’s enough bloody food in the house! (Bread is always my weak spot!)

Absolutely feeling this very hard right now

I'm very worried about my DD's health and nutrition, doing 2 jobs, with hardly any family time, however her DC will eventually become less dependant.

Well said @Vonesk

Do you get help and support from friends and family, Meadowfinch?

Parents, not just mums. I think it gets more overwhelming with teens. It was certainly less overwhelming when dc were younger.

I agree - when people complain about parents “slacking” at work or annoys me so much. As a parent - especially a mum, we are switched on 24/7. I spoke to a friend in her 60s - she has children and grandchildren - an elderly parent and had a children young but had (and still has!) a remarkable high profile career - I don’t know how she does it but she said “I think I have cronic sleeplessness and the job of a mother, a daughter and a grandmother never stops.” She admitted she loved her career but those 3 roles are everything to her.

Now my oldest is a teen I’m working part time but worked full time until she was about 7 (pandemic changed everything). I lived at home as my partner was absolutly useless - but without a support network or decent partner - it’s so difficult and exhausting!

YANBU. I used to think I could have it all. I'm single with a 9 and 6 year old. Ex does have them EOW and some holidays but most of it is up to me. I don't get maintenance. I work 30 hours over 5 days and I'm hoping to change it to 30 hours over 4 days because I am struggling to cope as it is. I realise that sounds pathetic but I am so done with feeling guilty about it and feeling like I should be working longer hours. I just know I wouldn't cope and neither would the kids. I wish that I had picked a better father for my children but I can't (and wouldn't) change it. But god, it's hard. My job is getting increasingly high pressured, which I didn't necessarily want but I needed to move up the pay scales financially. if my children turn into happy well adjusted adults then it will be all worth it but it's relentless at the moment.