Being moaned at for not being ‘natural’. I’m so tired of not being good enough

[CandyflossStall]

A few weeks ago my partner told me it feels like I’m not being natural and trying to force intimate things. I didn’t really understand where he was coming from.

This evening, I went to the gym and texted my partner “I’m sweating 🥵”. He used to react well to this but today he just said “I bet! Did you do legs?”
Jokily, I later pointed out that I was trying to be flirty. He said that he was sorry, he didn’t realise and he just took it literally. I said it was a bit worrying because if he’d texted me that, I’d be all over it because I’m attracted to him. And he used to be as well.

He then plays the whole unnatural card. He asked why I sent it, and said if I only sent it because I wanted him to find it hot, then it’s unnatural and forcing it. He’s now not speaking to me.

Since when is sending something you think someone will find hot, being unnatural?
I used to send him explicit pictures, flirty texts etc for the pure intent of him enjoying it. He certainly didn’t mind then…

Surely this is weird?

He’s not a mind reader. If someone texted me from the gym to say they were sweaty, I’d wonder why on earth they were texting me in the middle of a workout.

Fair enough. It’s more what he’s saying about the fact that sending something I know he’ll enjoy is ‘not being natural’?!

I guess this is about the context of your relationship. Not sure many people would be turned on by their partner sweating and that emoji? I don’t know though…

It's hardly a 😉

But yeah if my partner sent that I'd just want to know how it had gone

To be fair, I’m not sure I’d have picked up on the sweat flirting, but then again I’m pretty crap at that stuff.

This all sounds like very hard work. Should it be this difficult?

I think saying "I'm sweaty 🥵 " from the gym is just a factual text about being sweaty from working out surely?

"I'm in the shower 😉 " - post work out for example is different and more obviously flirty

I would also have taken the sweating thing literally.

How's the relationship generally? Maybe he's pulling back but impossible to say from that short exchange.

Tbh if someone sent me a message saying they were sweaty I definitely wouldn't find it attractive. But it's obviously something that you both find a turn on. Maybe stick to the more explicit photos and that way he can't get confused

I'm sorry but that wasn't a sexy message. If dh sent me that he'd be pointed towards the shower on arrival home

FML…I didn’t know 😉 was flirting. I sent this to someone at work recently. Winking at them to keep a secret.

I wouldn’t know you were supposed to be flirting. By spelling that out it does seem like you’re trying a little hard. But then again, you’re telling him you’re up for it. Question is, why isn’t he? He’s obviously finding that a turn off.

If my husband texted me to say he was sweaty, I'd find it a massive turn-off and want him to have a shower when he got in. I find sweat quite grim.

If someone told me they were sweaty I'd be wondering when they planned to shower.....lots of folk won't see that as flirting tbh. That said, it seems like there might be compatibility issues and/or he's a bit unappreciative?

I'm sweating is up there as one of the last texts I'd want to receive.

Maybe he thinks you’re trying too hard? That sexiness should be a ‘natural’ state within a couple rather than one just spamming the other with sex stuff? He used to like it but maybe he wants you to dial it down?

I don't necessarily think it IS flirting, though some partners might use it in that way, so you're probably safe!

I wouldn’t realise the sweaty thing was flirting, but it seems like it is for you guys from what you’ve said.

has he explained what he finds unnatural?

I don’t get how he’d be turned in my knowing you’ve got sweaty bits whilst at the gym .

As everyone else has said, sweaty is not a sexy image. It's no wonder he's not talking to you if you can't or won't communicate with him!

I agree that telling him you are sweaty at the gym isn’t really flirting. It’s a bit gross actually.

Nothing would turn my husband off more if I told him I was sweating.

It is context dependent. It can be flirty but it isn't automatically so.

Another one who wouldn’t have remotely taken anything flirty from your text.

I am actually struggling to think of what a flirty response to that would be…’fancy getting sweatier?’ All sounds a bit grim to me.