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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling kids we're moving- they're not happy

224 replies

WonderBananas · 06/04/2024 14:43

I've started to try to speak to my 9 and 7 year old that we might have to move for my work. The older one said she would be ok, younger just won't consider it. I know it's tough for them. It's only for a year and we can come back.
Single parent. Only moving an hour away (in good traffic). Tried to avoid this at all costs.
Any way of softening the blow?

OP posts:
WittiestUsernameEver · 06/04/2024 14:55

If you're only moving an hour away for a year for work, the. Surely it's less disruptive to them to stay out and you do the travelling to work for the year?

SpringOfContentment · 06/04/2024 14:56

Only an hour away, for a year? Is there any way to make it work by you doing the extra distance commuting for a year?
It sounds like a lot of hassle for a relatively short time and distance.

WittiestUsernameEver · 06/04/2024 14:56

Otherwise you're uprooting them, and then moving them back in 1 year to resettle after they've just settled at new school??

Heronwatcher · 06/04/2024 14:58

More context needed- are you planning on moving house, their schools, clubs etc for a year and then moving back? If so… why? Is there no way you can do a longer commute?

Heronwatcher · 06/04/2024 14:58

Or frankly, move and then stay there?

Original poster
WonderBananas · 06/04/2024 15:00

We've tried the commute for a year and we're all miserable. I have to be there dead on nine and it's not possible with breakfast club only opening at 8. I'm constantly stressed, late for work, late for pick up. It's just not working.

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 06/04/2024 15:00

I’m not surprised your DC are upset. It’s disruptive and probably could be worked around. Yes the drive is not great for you but upheaval for just one year seems OTT.

Rosesanddaisies1 · 06/04/2024 15:01

If it is only one more year, I’d try some other solutions. Is there a childminder you could use for the mornings and pick ups? Or any flexibility with your work?

Original poster
WonderBananas · 06/04/2024 15:05

Do you not think I've considered everything else? This is the most disruptive option.
I'm exhausted. It's not just the logistics. It's getting back at 7, cooking. My relationship with my children is strained due to how little time I get to see them. Weekends is just cleaning and they have to go to their dads. It's not living and I can't do it for another year,

OP posts:
Nix32 · 06/04/2024 15:07

Why is it only for a year?

Original poster
WonderBananas · 06/04/2024 15:07

If we moved ten minutes from my work, I would finish at 5, be at pick up by 5.30, it's a big difference from 7/7.30. Plus the mornings when we all have to wake up at 6. I have to be up at 5.
It's the motorway too. There's only one way to get from home to work and so if there's a crash I'm just stuck. No way of picking them up.

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderBananas · 06/04/2024 15:08

@Nix32 I'm on placement as a trainee. They don't offer the training closer to home, you just get put where they tell you.

OP posts:
DoorPath · 06/04/2024 15:10

WonderBananas · 06/04/2024 15:07

If we moved ten minutes from my work, I would finish at 5, be at pick up by 5.30, it's a big difference from 7/7.30. Plus the mornings when we all have to wake up at 6. I have to be up at 5.
It's the motorway too. There's only one way to get from home to work and so if there's a crash I'm just stuck. No way of picking them up.

Why do you have to be up at 5 to do a drop off at 8? Why is it taking you 3 hours to get ready in the morning? We leave the house around 8am and get up at 6.20.

Original poster
WonderBananas · 06/04/2024 15:12

@DoorPath because I have to catch up on all the stuff which I can't do in the evenings, wash up, clean the fridge out, do life admin

OP posts:
Deebee90 · 06/04/2024 15:13

please don’t listen to the people on here saying it’s not fair. They clearly aren’t a single mum trying their best. Your children are young enough to adapt. I’d move. You are doing your best to do the best life for them and if that means moving then do it. They will be fine after a few weeks.

hedgehoglurker · 06/04/2024 15:13

Any chance of swapping arrangements with their father for the year? Obviously not always appropriate, but an idea.

Do you own or rent? The costs involved for a year just seem so prohibitive that there could be an option you've not thought of or dismissed as thinking it was too expensive.

Will they be able to return to their school and home after a year?

Original poster
WonderBananas · 06/04/2024 15:14

@hedgehoglurker he doesn't have a home so no.

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderBananas · 06/04/2024 15:14

I'm going to rent my house out. My trust pay relocation costs.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 06/04/2024 15:15

They are 9 and 7. They don't get to veto your decisions.

hedgehoglurker · 06/04/2024 15:16

Could he move in for the year? Again, only suggesting without knowing your situation, as it might be highly inappropriate.

Riverlee · 06/04/2024 15:17

Will they ge changing schools? If so, it’s bound to be upsetting g.

Will the new house gafe bigger rooms? Garden? Closer to swimming pool etc. stuff to tempt them.

BananaLlama123 · 06/04/2024 15:17

We moved 60 miles when I was early teens. I did NOT want to go at all, but we didn't have a choice and it was fine in the end.

The only thing with the 9yo is watch the school application deadlines as you need an address to apply from and if you are still an hour away, you may get caught out. The deadline is usually the end of October in the year before you want to start. So if your 9yo is Y5 this year you may get caught out as the date you need is October this year. If they are Y4, you may be OK as long as you are back by Oct 2025.

BadDay2024 · 06/04/2024 15:18

I think it’ll be ok. Not ideal but not disastrous either.

Listen to their concerns, help them devise ways to manage it (FaceTime with pals etc, weekends back home) and think about how you’ll keep them connected with life “back home” so that they can slot back in after. Make it an adventure, focus on the positives etc.

Hope it all works out super for you op. Bit of a short term struggle for a longer term benefit by the sounds of it so well done you 🙂

crumblingschools · 06/04/2024 15:18

Can dad move into your house during the week?

BananaLlama123 · 06/04/2024 15:19

The other option is possibly an au pair who could do the school runs and a small amount of childminding? They would then have all day free for language classes etc. If you have room that is.