Wedding reception invite wording

[Itsaweddingoneagain]

Hi all I’m getting married at the end of the year. Me and DP are ‘eloping’ to vegas just the two of us. I say ‘eloping’ as it isn’t a secret and we have told our families. After many tears, arguments and pushbacks from both sides of our family we’ve decided to host a wedding reception in the UK the month after we get back. Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here. We knew they would be mad hence why we told them before we went and got married.

We are planning a reception of about 50 people. Again much bigger than we would like but I have 5 siblings, DP has 4. They all have partners and both of our parents are remarried. We tried to keep it small but numbers quickly added up. Anyway the reception will start at 6pm and we will arrive at around 6:15/6:20 to make the traditional entrance. We will have speeches (this was important to both sides of our family), food which will be a traditional hog roast style spread, first dance and then it will carry on into the night.

Due to the nature of it we need everyone to arrive at no later than 6. We are worried that no matter what we tell people they will hear wedding reception so will think any time from 6. If people arrive later than this it will just not flow how we need it to. I want to add a tag line at the bottom of the invite saying something along the lines of “Due to having speeches and a sit down meal planned we need all bums on seats at 6pm sharp. If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”. My Mum has told me this is really rude. I’m worried about people strolling in at 730 in the middle of speeches!! I’ve been to wedding receptions where people have arrived hours after the initial start time- I’ve never been to a wedding reception that didn’t have an actual wedding before it and nobody we know has either.

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

Tell them all to stuff it. Pack a case in the car and elope tomorrow. Your life not theirs.
They're mothers, they'll get over it at some point.

it does doesn’t it!

from the mothers saying they’d never talk to them again if they didn’t have a party

to the op telling everyone that she was eloping

to the fact the op has no desire to do this at all

to the 10 hours of effort to cook hog roast (with more meat too) for 50 guests

Either way someone's going to be unhappy about what happens. Save yourself the faff and just do it all how you want to.

Ay up, the OP's mammy has arrived...

I think maybe you and the ridiculously overbearing mum should get to spend some quality time together debating proper wedding planning and leave OP in peace. You both seem to lack any interest in OP's wants and concerns.

Op is a grown adult. If she chooses to let other adults treat her like a not very bright child, that's on her.
Why can't she voice her own wants and concerns? Or maybe you could do it for her...

Both sides of the family have put money towards but we are also. At risk of being incredibly outing one of the Mums involved is an events planner so the whole thing is costing a lot less than it should. After the uproar we said we would hire a function room in the local rugby club and put on finger food and she said it would be embarrassing. That’s how this whole thing has spiralled into a hog on a bloody banquet table and decorations and speeches and dances.

So the function is much cheaper than expected but still a bill to pay.

This is why my family don't know I'm married (well civil partnered). My partners family found out after the fact but aren't pushy.

My sister joked about getting married with just 2 witnesses and no wedding. My mum did not approve and said if she did she had better be one of the witnesses. We had already had our ceremony by this point and I did quietly chuckle to myself.

I spent my childhood and early adulthood bending over backwards to please my mother and it got me nowhere and just miserable. My relationship with my mum is on my terms now. Learning not everything in life has to be run past my mother was very freeing. I just have a life I share with her and a life where it's just better to have her in the dark.

Arrival time 5.59
Sit down dinner 6pm
Speeches 6.05pm
First dance 6.18pm
All fuck off home 6.30pm

Anyone staying past 6.31pm will be physically thrown out.

That should work OP

I'd be tempted to say that since the party is for them, not you, and they're behaving like such dicks, the new budget is whatever they are paying towards it. They can plan it, they can pay for it, they can decide what to write on the invitations, and you will turn up. Unless they carry on being dicks towards you between now and then, in which case you might not turn up.

In that case I'd plead absolute greenness, and get the Mum who works in events to word the invitation. She's steam rolled everything else, so will no doubt be more than happy to take control of invites too; that way if the evening doesn't go to plan, it's her fault not yours.

Exactly what I’d put if I could 😂

Is this a professional rep thing for one Mum. She organises events professionally so she needs to show case her own family and show how it is done. Doesn't want the 'well she couldn't even organise a proper event for her daughter, sort of gossip....'

Love it! 🥰

You cannot write that, it is rude. The reality is that what you’ve organised might be seen as fairly casual and I personally don’t think you are going to be able to avoid people being late. If you were having a seated dinner it would be a different story. Perhaps try and rejig things so your speeches come later and so it’s less of a problem.

We have pushed back on a lot of things such as bridesmaids dresses for siblings (why?! There’s no bridesmaids!!) I know both of our mothers have purchased OTT outfits and hats though.

We have recently moved three hours away to a different country. Still in the UK but a different country to escape the family drama. I am English but my family are Irish and I had a traditional Irish catholic upbringing and the lack of church has been an extreme topic of controversy.

I have decided on the wording of the invites, thank you for all it the help. It is a complex situation with lots of background info I can’t really go into.

I’m excited to marry my DP and it just be the two of us. After we get back we are all going to one of our friends houses for a takeaway. That’s all we want and need. We will grin and bear the rest.

you’re having us on op

no way

We’ve also pushed back on cake cutting too as I’ve ordered one for vegas and we plan on having pictures taken eating it.

I just want to say that i am so sorry you are being forced into something you don't want to keep the peace.

Myself and DP also want to elope and my mum would also be similarly manipulative to get the wedding SHE wants me to have not the wedding WE want to have.

So we just aren't getting married anytime soon as we can't be bothered with it all. As adults and at this point of life id really hoped to be done with all this rubbish.

a hog roast is a three course sit down meal served by waiting staff? 🤔

About what? Lots of families are dysfunctional and unfortunately I’ve met someone who’s family is just as dysfunctional as my own. No idea why I would troll about this especially when I’ve just thanked you all for your help and I am now going to bow out of the thread as I’ve received the help I need.

Please arrive promptly for 6pm.

Perhaps simply the above.

As long as people have an it itinerary I don't see the problem.

Families are families, it is what it is.

I like @CettePersonne list.

Reminds me of parties round here, so do be specific.

Mostly farmers, most have 18 or 21st.

All follow same format, booze, in barn, bbq or hog roast later type thing.

We were invited to one last year, our valley booked a bus. Was a tricky one, end of lambing. Invite said barn party, from 6. So usually we would arrive 8 once kids down.

I was at home with kids, bus left at seven. a load of starving farmers, stopped for a chippy, arrived to find the, finishing a three course meal, multiple tables empty and people walking in. Nobody had done this before, they never told anyone, they said it was a surprise. 😮 was just embarrassing all round. The parents were all furious, the youths thought it was hilarious, they had not even told the birthday 21st person who was cross all night about lack of hog roast.

So all is fine, so long as people know what to expect

Sarah and Max are delighted to invite you to celebrate their marriage

date, time, venue

Please arrive from 6pm, for a 6:30pm start. Dinner will be served at 7.30pm and the dancing will go on until late.