Wedding reception invite wording

[Itsaweddingoneagain]

Hi all I’m getting married at the end of the year. Me and DP are ‘eloping’ to vegas just the two of us. I say ‘eloping’ as it isn’t a secret and we have told our families. After many tears, arguments and pushbacks from both sides of our family we’ve decided to host a wedding reception in the UK the month after we get back. Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here. We knew they would be mad hence why we told them before we went and got married.

We are planning a reception of about 50 people. Again much bigger than we would like but I have 5 siblings, DP has 4. They all have partners and both of our parents are remarried. We tried to keep it small but numbers quickly added up. Anyway the reception will start at 6pm and we will arrive at around 6:15/6:20 to make the traditional entrance. We will have speeches (this was important to both sides of our family), food which will be a traditional hog roast style spread, first dance and then it will carry on into the night.

Due to the nature of it we need everyone to arrive at no later than 6. We are worried that no matter what we tell people they will hear wedding reception so will think any time from 6. If people arrive later than this it will just not flow how we need it to. I want to add a tag line at the bottom of the invite saying something along the lines of “Due to having speeches and a sit down meal planned we need all bums on seats at 6pm sharp. If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”. My Mum has told me this is really rude. I’m worried about people strolling in at 730 in the middle of speeches!! I’ve been to wedding receptions where people have arrived hours after the initial start time- I’ve never been to a wedding reception that didn’t have an actual wedding before it and nobody we know has either.

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

It's not going to be the happiest day of their lives though, is it?

It's going to be a day they have to grin and bear because their respective families have deliberately undermined their desire to get married quietly and without drama, and emotionally blackmailed them into going ahead with something they didn't want and which is about literally everyone except them (but which they are nonetheless part funding) under threat of being excommunicated from the family.

That's not love, or respect. That's narcissism and bullying.

It's absolutely crystal clear to me why the OP and her fiancé wanted to elope in the first place. Because their families are like this.

I only wish they would establish better boundaries now and say, "No, we're not going ahead with this. You have a party if you like. We won't be attending."

Just to say - enjoy your wedding in Vegas! Glad you got the wording advice you were looking for. Ignore the few who don't get it!

I meant the wedding. Obviously this masquerade isn't the same.

But surely this masquerade explains why they aren't invited to the actual wedding?

As a former wedding planner i would advise you add a short timetable of events if you are that concerned about it. Dear GUEST. You are invited to THE LOCAL PUB to celebrate the regent marriage of JANE AND JON. Guest arrival 6pm / Bride and Groom arrival 6.30pm / Speeches 7pm / Food served 7.30pm / Carridges 11pm. Please note arrival during speeches will be prohibited. As this is not and actual wedding you are going to have to relax a bit tho as people are going to see it as a party.

Dear OP
congratulations on your upcoming marriage. My commiserations on the hoops your respective families are having you jump through.
I have/ had a similarly challenging family dynamic to contend with when I got married. I tried so hard to accommodate everyone and the demands got worse and worse. The whole thing fell apart in ways too identifiable to spell out here and nothing we did was enough. Our family dynamics were ruined forever and our wedding was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever gone through.
I learned some valuable things about myself and who actually loved me. My husband and I got married and are still married, 18 years on.
My hard-earned advice? Do what you want because you cannot please unreasonable people and when you try to do so and it goes wrong anyway, you WILL regret having spent so much time, money and effort capitulating to people who would not have treated you like this and demanded if they loved you. You are trying to keep the peace with people who sooner or later are going to let you down badly. (And already are, actually.)
Your marriage, your decision how you celebrate it.
I wish you much happiness together.

@JRM17 as a former wedding planner you honestly would have suggested that on the invites to a relatively small party of 50 Please note arrival during speeches will be prohibited.

...and possibly tasered

What’s the point in going to vegas?

As you’ve already told everyone, why don’t the demanding mothers just go out to Vegas with you, save you the bother of what you don’t want!
or just NC them all 🤷🏽‍♀️😆

If the mothers will be annoyed if people don't turn up in time due to the wording of the invitation, then get them to write the invitations, then they can't blame you? Given the way they've been id probably just delegate the whole thing to them. If they want a party/reception so badly, let them organise and pay for it!

Why so uptight.if you didn't want a wedding party why are you worried sbout it not being perfect. Just go with the flow. It all sound very stressful to me.

Personally I wouldn't bother with a formal WR I would go for hiring a field with burger vans pizza vans etc. Give everyone a ticket yo get a meal. Have a local band playing. No need fir speeches. Tell mothers okay don't speak yo us we will get on with our lives and your grandchildren won't k iw you. Come on this is your wedding not theirs to show off.

I don't think it is rude and also find it bizarre mum's want you to do something you don't want to do.

I wholeheartedly wanted to be at my daughters dream wedding, especially as her husbands parents went.

But she couldn't have her dream wedding without me babysitting, as they wouldn't leave their children with anyone other than me .She went abroad and I saw it on video.

Yes upset in 1 way but happy her dream came true in another.

I took the kids to haven and still today many years later smile 😃. Because she did what she wanted to do. They are happy.

It isn't about us parents. It's about you.

There's a book called "Growing Yourself Back Up" I highly recommend you and your DP read it.

I don't understand culture expectation of a wedding being for mother's. If one or both of my daughters decided to elope I would not be offended in the least. I'd tell them to have fun and take pictures. Their wedding is not for me. I would happily be included as much or as little as they wanted, as long as they were happy. I'd also happily breath fire towards anyone who wanted to strong arm them into doing something they didn't want to.

I'm sorry your mother didn't stand up for you like she should. You need to do that for yourself instead.

Just include your brief overview of the timings in the invite so it’s obvious that people need to arrive on time?

Have the wedding you want! don't worry about everyone else if you want a party before or after that's up to you, trying to please everyone else is not the way to start a beautiful marriage what matters is what you and your future husband wants and if his family ignored him over christmas I suggest he ignores what they want on your day ✌️

I’m sorry but I totally agree with your mum. It’s not just YOUR day. She’ll have been dreaming about this since the day you were born and you’re being totally and utterly selfish. Let’s see if you have a girl how you feel when the shoes on the other foot

Nope. It's her and her husbands day. No one else's. I have two daughters and I haven't been dreaming about this since the day they were born. I dream about them finding happiness, contentment and fulfilment in their lives, not necessarily marriage.

Their dream wedding was without their kids?

I have a 15 year old daughter.
i have not once dreamed about her „wedding“
She may not want to get married. I didn’t and didn’t until I was 36 and I met my husband at 26. Marriage and kids wasn’t a priority for us. We had our first child at 38 and our second at 44… we had other things to do.
My dreams for my daughter are that she finds her way through life happy, on her terms, that she can find a career that fulfils and sustains her. That she meets a life partner - if she wants one - who loves, inspires, respects and cherishes her. And I wish exactly the same for my son whose wedding day I have also not once thought about until this post, should he have one.
My own life didn’t revolve around dreams of marriage - perhaps because I grew up seeing only ugly ones - so this concept of dreaming about a daughter‘s wedding day is an alien concept to me. I didn’t have any dreams about my own until I had to get down to the brass tacks of planning it and my own family did their damnedest to ruin that and make it about them which is as I expected and probably why I never dreamed of a wedding day in the first place. I had a bumpy wedding, but a sustaining marriage which is where priorities should be.
Pivoting your entire happiness on One Perfect Day is setting everyone up for unrealistic expectations of a day where things DO go wrong and it’s over in a flash. The best day of my life (up to my wedding) was the day afterwards when I felt the utter relief of not having to plan another thing!
OP‘s family and in-laws need to reevaluate their priorities - and get some more inspiring dreams of their own instead of bullying their loved ones into doing their bidding.
x

Some people add a schedule of the day to the invitations. Eg

6pm Arrival drinks
6.30pm Entrance of the Bride and Groom
7pm speeches
7.30pm hog roast
8.30pm first dance
11.30pm last orders
12am carriages

just add in something like that.

You could put someone at the door to prevent the speeches being interrupted. An usher? They'll make sure anyone arriving late is shown to their seat between speeches, so there's minimal disruption.

Just plan for it, you can only make sure you plan so the event runs smoothly.

Talk to your grandmother. Explain the situation and see if you can continue your relationship with her independently of your appalling family. Then get rid. If your gran can't continue a relationship with you if you tell the truth about your family, is she worth the sacrifice of having to see them? I basically have no family left because through therapy I've realised the value of standing up for myself and protecting my own little family from them. I'm sad about the ones I liked who I've had to sacrifice in the process, but I've never been happier. And actually, it's not even that I don't speak to my mum any more, we still have a relationship, I just hold my boundaries better and expect nothing from her apart from what I have previously observed.

It sounds like you're starting a new life and both you and your partner have eyes open about your families, so maybe look ahead and figure out what will make you happier long term. If you're planning to have children, get ready to feel a million times more aware of your family's abuse, and don't expect your parents to be different towards your own kids. Part of me wonders if you told them on purpose to sabotage your relationships with them and force the issue (you say you knew it would be a problem and that's why you told them), but now it's actually happening it's too scary to follow through.

Have courage! Some people are shit. They aren't worth keeping around just because they're family.

one things for sure

this party will be a pretty joyless affair