Wedding reception invite wording

[Itsaweddingoneagain]

Hi all I’m getting married at the end of the year. Me and DP are ‘eloping’ to vegas just the two of us. I say ‘eloping’ as it isn’t a secret and we have told our families. After many tears, arguments and pushbacks from both sides of our family we’ve decided to host a wedding reception in the UK the month after we get back. Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here. We knew they would be mad hence why we told them before we went and got married.

We are planning a reception of about 50 people. Again much bigger than we would like but I have 5 siblings, DP has 4. They all have partners and both of our parents are remarried. We tried to keep it small but numbers quickly added up. Anyway the reception will start at 6pm and we will arrive at around 6:15/6:20 to make the traditional entrance. We will have speeches (this was important to both sides of our family), food which will be a traditional hog roast style spread, first dance and then it will carry on into the night.

Due to the nature of it we need everyone to arrive at no later than 6. We are worried that no matter what we tell people they will hear wedding reception so will think any time from 6. If people arrive later than this it will just not flow how we need it to. I want to add a tag line at the bottom of the invite saying something along the lines of “Due to having speeches and a sit down meal planned we need all bums on seats at 6pm sharp. If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”. My Mum has told me this is really rude. I’m worried about people strolling in at 730 in the middle of speeches!! I’ve been to wedding receptions where people have arrived hours after the initial start time- I’ve never been to a wedding reception that didn’t have an actual wedding before it and nobody we know has either.

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

Because then 100% of their wedding will be about pleasing their narcissistic relatives rather than doing what they, as a couple, actually want.

What you're describing sounds like it's trying to be a formal wedding but the horse has already bolted without the real wedding ceremony and vows bit. Sounds like you've been pressurised into doing exactly what you're avoiding by going to Vegas in the first place. All a bit daft. Does it have to be this formal with speeches and first dance etc?. Can it not be a party for friends and family with food booze and music?. Sorry you've got such bloody selfish strong minded families.

both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here
um, why are you allowing yourselves to be controlled in such a hideous way? If my or my husband's mum implied something even vaguely like this we would be thinking seriously about if we wanted a relationship with them anyway.
You have far bigger problems than the definition of "eloping" or wording on an invite

Let the 2 Mums organise & pay for it.

Then tell you what time to turn up.

If it's only family coming then I don't understand why you can't just tell them when you give the invitation.

Failing that, sounds like your DM and MIL would tell everyone.

I don't care what you call it. Eloping, having a location wedding, whatever. And on your own like you want it!!! Splendid. I hope that you have a really excellent time.

As for the invite. I can't imagine anyone thinking that showing up significantly late is acceptable. "Doors open at 5, sit down dinner starts at 6, stragglers will not be accommodated." Nice and clear to all of those who think they can watch another half hour of football or strictly come being an idiot instead of being punctual.

Seriously, why?

You are letting yourselves be emotionally blackmailed into an event neither of you want, and somehow seem to be saddled with organising it to boot! I hope you're not having to pay for it too?

Listen, I know the pressure you're under, we had it too when we were getting married, because like you, we got married alone. But we sure as hell put some boundaries in place and ended up cutting them out due to the verbal abuse that was thrown at us for having the wedding that we wanted.

You do realise that if you have children, you'll be faced with more of these issues, e.g. MIL wants to be there for the birth of her precious grandchild, you don't want it, you say no, "I'll never speak to you both again if I'm not there to witness the birth", jesus @Itsaweddingoneagain stand up for yourselves and enforce some boundaries. These people will continue to emotionally blackmail and abuse you both for the rest of their days. Is that what you both want?

Cutting out my inlaws was the best decision we made, it was like a horrible weight was lifted off our shoulders and then we could actually enjoy being married, with no more verbal abuse for daring to have our wedding, that we paid for, how we wanted it.

Exactly, then they can enjoy their honeymoon without worrying about the upcoming potential shambles of a reception full of toxic family members.

Yes, who IS paying for it, out of interest?

All sounds awful op. Getting married abroad great, but doing a faux wedding reception after the event with speeches and first dances is daft.

Just stand up to your mothers! Say you'll have a party, but no speeches, no cake and no first dances.

Yes word it like they do formal dinner invitations. Say 6 for dinner at 6.30. I would also explicitly say dinner, not 'reception' or 'party'.

let them fume. I am amazed that you are doing anything. If the mothers want it they can organise it and pay for it. If they are polite to you you MIGHT turn up but no promises. Set your boundaries now.

this

Jeez, OP. You must be dreading this and that is such a shame.

Are your mum and MIL expecting gushing tributes to them both in the speeches? Will the parents follow you on the dance floor after this mandatory first dance?

These stand out to me as opportunities for them to be centre stage.

Because nothing here is about you and your fiancé.

Can't believe they are going to outright lie about there being a ceremony on the day.

If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”.

This is the rude bit. You're basically saying that they're not important enough to you, to attend if they're ten minutes late. I'd read that and think 'fuck you' frankly, and I'm generally really easy going!
So you expect people to turn round and go home if they've been stuck
In traffic and are half an hour late?

By all means let them know that there's a prompt start, but telling them they're not welcome if they can't make it in time it's beyond rude, and basically says that you're not bothered whether they're there or not.

How strange. Why don't you just say no ? All sounds mad to have a party/speeches etc that you don't want

she isn't! she doesn't want it to happen or even to be there herself!

You've already been given the answer. It's "5:30 for 6:00."

It tells people they're welcome anytime from 5:30 to 6:00, but they better be there for 6:00, because that's when things happen.

By having this 'reception' or 'wedding party', or whatever you want to call it, you are essentially being coerced and bullied into having the wedding you wanted to avoid in the first place. The easy bit is the ceremony. The hard bit is the reception, what the mothers and everyone else is "upset" about.

Push back. I know it'll be hard to backtrack now after the communications but go with what you and your partner want. It's about YOU BOTH and the rest of your lives together, not your family. Do not allow yourselves to be emotionally blackmailed.

Wedding abroad just the two of you. End of.

Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here

I'd take them up on that. Win-win.

You're getting your knickers in a twist.... why?
it's just a party, pop on the invite open from 6, speeches at 7, food at 8 and relax.
Nobody gives a shit if Maud misses the speeches. you don't need a grand entrance, you chose to opt out of all that crap..remember??

For me "speeches at 6.30pm" on the invite would let people know they are missing them if they are late.

Also say to mum and mil "I hope everyone is there on time i would hate for anyone to miss the speeches" then they will surely give the siblings grief to ensure they arrive on time. Better yet if it is all about pleasing Mum/MIL then ask them what to do. I am sure they will gladly advise 🙂

She’s not married yet. She told her parents they were going to get married,

50 people some of them being couples and family groups isn't that many can you just message them this

Agreed!!