Wedding reception invite wording

[Itsaweddingoneagain]

Hi all I’m getting married at the end of the year. Me and DP are ‘eloping’ to vegas just the two of us. I say ‘eloping’ as it isn’t a secret and we have told our families. After many tears, arguments and pushbacks from both sides of our family we’ve decided to host a wedding reception in the UK the month after we get back. Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here. We knew they would be mad hence why we told them before we went and got married.

We are planning a reception of about 50 people. Again much bigger than we would like but I have 5 siblings, DP has 4. They all have partners and both of our parents are remarried. We tried to keep it small but numbers quickly added up. Anyway the reception will start at 6pm and we will arrive at around 6:15/6:20 to make the traditional entrance. We will have speeches (this was important to both sides of our family), food which will be a traditional hog roast style spread, first dance and then it will carry on into the night.

Due to the nature of it we need everyone to arrive at no later than 6. We are worried that no matter what we tell people they will hear wedding reception so will think any time from 6. If people arrive later than this it will just not flow how we need it to. I want to add a tag line at the bottom of the invite saying something along the lines of “Due to having speeches and a sit down meal planned we need all bums on seats at 6pm sharp. If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”. My Mum has told me this is really rude. I’m worried about people strolling in at 730 in the middle of speeches!! I’ve been to wedding receptions where people have arrived hours after the initial start time- I’ve never been to a wedding reception that didn’t have an actual wedding before it and nobody we know has either.

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

Arrival time : 5:30 - 6:00
Food : time
Speeches : time
First dance : time
Party : time
Home time : time

This.

I know a wedding is a big life event but the truth is that giving them all what they want this time will not get them off your backs in the future.

On the contrary.

It's rewarding bad behaviour.

It's teaching these people that if they shout and stamp their feet and emotionally blackmail you, you will give them what they want.

So what will they do next time they want something?

They'll do the same again. And again. And again.

If you say no, and put some boundaries in place, they'll howl with rage but their power over you will be gone.

Ultimately, unless you're prepared to concede over and over and over again and give them whatever they want for the rest of their lives, you may as well put your foot down now.

Either they'll learn to cope, and the sky will not fall in, or they'll do as they promised and cut you off. If they do the latter, you can be sure that they would do that at some point, so if it happens 10 years down the line over something else and you end up cutting or reducing contact with them anyway, you'll regret letting them ruin your wedding, your children's births and god knows what else.

You and your husband to be have nine siblings between you. There will be plenty of other opportunities for your mum and MIL to show off in front of the extended family.

This is not your circus and you are not their performing monkeys.

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

I was already thinking this and then you said it yourself. You feel angry and resentful about the party and those feelings have to go somewhere. I'm guessing when your mom was dismissive about latecomers (after already steamrolling your feelings about eloping) you dug your heels in more because it feels like you should get to control some part of this.

But this is not the specific thing to get worked up about. It's not worth being rude to innocent bystanders (yes, the proposed wording on your invite is offputting) over speeches and grand entrances that you don't want to have anyways. State "seated dinner served at X:XX" (give the time as 15 min before you actually plan to start) and people will understand that it's not a come whenever event. If there's a straggler or two just ignore it - you should have a somewhat-discreet entrance/exit available to guests who might need to step out unexpectedly anyways.

Address the wider issue with your DM and MIL & find better ways to make this event feel like yours.

Wow why are you bowing down to what your parents want? You’re getting married not them! Get a back bone!!
Tell people to come at 530 then! Or add a line saying similar but please arrive promptly as to not miss the speeches!

Are you in Ireland OP?! This has got Irish family politics written all over it!!

I'd sack it off and just elope. We had a micro wedding last year. Didn't invite any siblings. My parents also got uninvited after some shitty behaviour on their part.

Everyone was mad. They were so mad that we got the most peaceful 13 months of our lives because they all went low /no contact to try and "punish" us into changing our minds before the wedding, and did the same after the wedding because we hadn't caved.

Both sides got over themselves after they called family meetings 6 months post wedding to get us to apologise. We stood firm and said they were welcome to go NC if they weren't happy. They dropped it after that.

A wedding reception follows a wedding, on the same day, not weeks later. What you're planning is a modest (50 isn't a lot) party, to celebrate a wedding that took place weeks prior. You could do speeches, but as a party guest I would think it was silly, and I'd think a first dance was silly too (when you've been married for weeks). And a hog roast spread will never be a sit down 'meal', no matter how much you try to convince people. 😂 A sit down meal is three or more courses, served by waiting staff.

This is the way to do it, OP.

The meal is three courses served by waiting staff.

Why on earth did you "elope", as you call it, and still agree to this farce when you came back? What was the point, exactly?

How about a poem

We are getting hitched, eloping to Vegas!
But our selfish families have chosen to plague us
With empty threats and blackmail (the emotional kind)
Which has put us both in a bit of a bind
We are now being forced to have a farce of a ‘do’
which we think sounds horrendous and we bet you do too
Our mothers however are being bossy about this fix
And have ruled that all guests must be there by six
It will save us all time and money if everyone is a no-show
So do us all a favour and RSVP ‘no’

We eloped to Vegas (and got married ant Wee Kirk of the Heather it was a brilliant day) and due to similar pathetic threats from my own mum she threw us a reception. I hated every second and it felt fake and silly when we’d already been married a month. She didn’t get that I didn’t want a wedding because speeches first dances etc are my idea of hell. I really regret agreeing to it actually so please think before sending out invitations

Who is paying for it?

Flippin ‘eck. You should have said “I didn’t realise I was raised by someone so self centered”.

Frankly I’d be delighted if any of my kids eloped. I love a wedding but I more often than it think they’re more bother than they’re worth

Honestly take it from someone who’s literally been in the same position - fuck it off and reap the consequences. They won’t be angry for long. It’s the lesser of two evils when you consider the stress and hassle this reception will cause.

Programme for the evening

6pm Champagne served
6.15pm Bride and groom arrive
6.30pm Take your seat for dinner
7.30pm Speeches and toasts
8pm First dance followed by an evening of music and dancing

Hog is typically a very informal option - I've never experienced a hog roast in November (I'm assuming you're in the southern hemisphere) and I've never had roast/bbq served as part of a coursed/table service meal (if not queuing for a hot portion, it's on a hot buffet platter with baps, salad etc).

I don't know why I found this so funny 😂

It will be winter here and be served and carved as one of the main options to accompany a roast style dinner.

ha ha yup!

presumably will be outside?

Seeing as the whole idea of eloping is to avoid exactly this kind of party, if this is going ahead I'd just go the whole hog and get married in front of them all first.

We eloped with 2 witnesses - when we told my now SIL we'd got married she said 'oh, we'll all have to get together and have a party to celebrate'. Err, no, that was the point of us eloping as we didn't want the big party - but if you're having one it might as well be the actual wedding.

I would put you are invited to our wedding blessing on... date. Arrival 5.30pm to be seated for dinner at 6pm. Then people know what they are doing. If you say reception people will think it's snack food and maybe a dance and will arrive anytime. Perhaps both your mums feel sad at the thought of not seeing you get married? At the same time I can see both sides. Either do something you do want to do or try and enjoy it the best you can. You get to get dressed up all over again :)

A hog will serve 100 or so people, you'll have a heap of waste if you're having other meats too. It seems a lot of trouble for 50 people you don't actually want to feed! You could save yourself considerable hassle, and just ask your venue to do a bog standard cater for 50 guests?

this. a hog roast. for a party of 50.

and not just a hog roast. other meats as well.

For a party you don’t want. for guests that you don’t seem to like very much and they’re not too keen on you.

It all sounds quite ridiculous.