Wedding reception invite wording

[Itsaweddingoneagain]

Hi all I’m getting married at the end of the year. Me and DP are ‘eloping’ to vegas just the two of us. I say ‘eloping’ as it isn’t a secret and we have told our families. After many tears, arguments and pushbacks from both sides of our family we’ve decided to host a wedding reception in the UK the month after we get back. Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here. We knew they would be mad hence why we told them before we went and got married.

We are planning a reception of about 50 people. Again much bigger than we would like but I have 5 siblings, DP has 4. They all have partners and both of our parents are remarried. We tried to keep it small but numbers quickly added up. Anyway the reception will start at 6pm and we will arrive at around 6:15/6:20 to make the traditional entrance. We will have speeches (this was important to both sides of our family), food which will be a traditional hog roast style spread, first dance and then it will carry on into the night.

Due to the nature of it we need everyone to arrive at no later than 6. We are worried that no matter what we tell people they will hear wedding reception so will think any time from 6. If people arrive later than this it will just not flow how we need it to. I want to add a tag line at the bottom of the invite saying something along the lines of “Due to having speeches and a sit down meal planned we need all bums on seats at 6pm sharp. If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”. My Mum has told me this is really rude. I’m worried about people strolling in at 730 in the middle of speeches!! I’ve been to wedding receptions where people have arrived hours after the initial start time- I’ve never been to a wedding reception that didn’t have an actual wedding before it and nobody we know has either.

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

Just invite people. It doesn't matter if some are late. Tell the time of the speeches and its on them if they miss it.

Both your families sound awful btw. A wedding is supposed to be for the couple. Despite what people often think, it isn't about the wider families and it isn't about the guests.

One of my best friends is getting married in secret this year. No one knows when or where. She's only told me and one other friend because she was just excited. The reason they aren't telling people is neither of their families will accept what they want.

Aside From the batshit mothers…

I can’t say I remember being to a wedding where people just stroll in where they fancy, but then again I’ve never been to one where it is just only the reception, I.e. there was no ceremony before. So I can maybe see why there could maybe be some confusion and some people may just think it’s for the night, rather than the meal and therefore not worry too much about timings.

i don’t think your wording is rude, but I would maybe reword it to ‘Due to a strict schedule we ask that all guests arrive by 5:45 and are seated by 6, due to the speeches we will not be able to accommodate late comers.’

She thinks she is "eloping", as if the quotation marks make a difference.

"Me and DP are ‘eloping’ to vegas just the two of us."

Also (sorry to keep chiming in), if they're 'fuming' to miss the speech, then make it as clear as day on the invite what time they are on and that they will not be admitted mid-speech. If they miss it, it's their own damn fault.

your mum is right, that is rude.
maybe put an itinerary in the invites so people get message and get the mums to spread the word amongst the siblings and hope for the best. If people turn up late that’s on them.
6 pm is vv early though . Can you push back to 7??

I'll add that your families sound horrendous - why do you want to invite them at all?

When i got married we said: we are getting married on x day, in y place and the reception is in z place. RSVP by dd.mm.yyyy

And then there was an almighty fuss from the ILs that it wouldn't be a church thing, so we just said: then don't come, we aren't doing this to please you. And that was that. We had the wedding we wanted, and 40 years later we are still happy we did it that way.

Open bar 5-6 is the only way to get them there. No entry after 6pm.

Given your stringency I would word it factually.

FFS you know exactly what OP means. Stop trying to derail the thread to make a stupid point. It's not a good look.

I’ve never known anyone to just stroll into a wedding reception late.

Do the speeches after the meal. Say the meal is at 1800 with drinks from 1730. Surely people won’t want to miss the food? Then do the speeches after, that’s what usually happens anyway.

This is the answer. OP the original wording, while not exactly rude, is not appropriate for the occasion. It's not a 5th birthday party.

Frankly, if my family were the kind of people who made that much fuss about me getting married in Vegas, I'd actually be delighted if they never spoke to me again, but anyway.

I think you can tell people to be there by 6pm without being rude. You could just include a little order of events, like:

6pm Sit-down meal
7.30pm Speeches
8pm Bar and disco (or whatever)

And then add:

"If you can't make the sit-down meal at 6pm, we'd still love to see you at 8pm for drinks and dancing - just let us know!"

Just state on the invitation please be seated at 6pm . If any of your guests has particular form for lateness, speak to them directly and explain that it is served food not a buffet and the venue/caterers have requested everyone has arrived by 6.pm

Why do you think an hour would make a difference?

I'm a former wedding and events manager, 6pm start time is far from unusual.

This absolutely doesn't matter in the slightest and you're making yourself look incredibly tiresome by going on about it.

I'm really confused.

Is it a sit down meal or a hog roast. Or a hybrid hog roast sit down.

Why do you need an entrance, you're already married.

It sounds like a night do that's starting far too early and has speeches.

No judgement whatsoever, we're invited to similar this year and there's no way I'm getting to a night do at tea time.

I think there are a lot of mixed messages in your post, OP.

You have decided to "elope" presumably because you didn't want all this palaver, now you've been pressured into having all the palaver anyway to please people who have threatened to go no contact with you if you don't do what they say, and now you're worried that if people don't show up at 6pm sharp it will be more like a normal party and less like the sort of wedding reception you were hoping to avoid when you decided to elope.

In your position I would either hold firm and say, "We decided to elope precisely to avoid all this crap, so there will be no wedding reception", or say, "Screw it, let's just make it a normal party without any speeches or wedding crap and do the bare minimum to get our families off our backs about this."

It kind of sounds to me as though you kind of did want to have a proper wedding with a ceremony and a big entrance and speeches and all the rest of it, decided to forego all of that to avoid family drama, and since there has been family drama and you've been coerced into holding a reception anyway, you want to add the things you did want back into the plans on the basis that you're having to hold a reception anyway so you might as well.

Anyway, if you are sticking to this plan, I would put "6pm sharp" on the invitations, and then if you are still waiting for latecomers you can either be fashionably late making your grand entrance or try and stick someone on the door at the critical moment telling any stragglers they'll have to wait outside until after your big entrance because if they come in right now they're going to ruin it.

I wouldnt call it wedding reception, that to me means after 7:30pm. I'd call it a wedding invitation (I make wedding invitations so have seen lots of wording)

I'd say "Arrival drink from 5:30pm with traditions and wedding breakfast from 6pm, please arrive by 5:45pm"

There's no need to say if you can't arrive don't come. If they arrive late it's their own fault. Your Mum and MIL are cheeky fuckers as it is.

Who is paying for this? I have a feeling it’s not either set of parents …..

I've been to quite a few wedding celebrations for people who have got married abroad and I think they have all been along the lines of "arrival from 5:30 to be seated at 6 o clock sharp".

It's quite normal for there to be a formal meal and speeches etc. so I wouldn't consider it the same as a wedding evening do at all and I don't think most people would consider it ok to arrive late.

I wouldn't say the part about not being admitted because I would think people would consider it to be like a wedding - arrive late and you'll miss some of it.
Unfortunately unforeseen hold ups and emergencies happen. I wouldn't expect to travel all the way there and not be allowed in, but I also wouldn't expect anyone to delay anything to wait for my arrival.

Who is insisting on there being speeches, if you don't want them?

If people are fuming that they missed speeches because they were late, that is a them problem, not a you problem. Don't give it any headspace.

Or schedule the speeches for 9pm and hope they get forgotten about.

i think the elopement part of it is key. If they had arranged "the wedding" done the actual elopement, then come back for "the wedding" people would be on time expecting a wedding.

And for sure some would kick off but by that time they'd be at a hog roast listening to speeches and presumably drinking the sparkling wine.

Telling everyone before takes the importance out of it for some people.

I liked the wording pp suggested with "seated by X" time. And you need to get the family members you can rely on to make sure the ones you can't rely on not to be late. (and/or have some "ushers" who will close the doors and turn latecomers away)

We know we’re not eloping. Without going into too much back story when we got engaged last year we always knew we wanted to elope. Our families are notoriously extremely difficult, I have a difficult relationship with my Mother who was extremely emotionally abusive growing up but I can’t cut her out of my life as I would lose my Grandmother who I love dearly. But this thread isn’t about that.

DP’s brother asked him if we knew when we wanted to get married and DP joked we might elope (before we’d booked anything or 100% decided). His brother told his Mum and shit hit the fan from there. We had to tell people because I wholeheartedly believe neither of our families would have spoken to us again if we hid it. Especially if we’d have lied after DP joked to his brother.

I like the idea of an itinerary of the times. I haven’t been calling it a wedding reception personally I keep calling it a party and MIL keeps correcting me. She’s even asked us not to post any photos of us in Vegas as she’s telling her friends we’re having a small ceremony on the day of the wedding (we will be posting pictures).

I agree the whole thing is bonkers but really not worth alienating ourselves from our families for many reasons. But I’m sure if people rock up at 8pm having missed the speeches and first dance they demanded we have, it will somehow be our faults.

I will put the times of everything in detail on the invites. Thanks everyone.

Surely the point of going to vegas is to avoid the drama of a wedding?! Reading about your families I can understand why you originally made that decision.
You are essentially choosing though to have a wedding at home after with all the associated cost, traditions, and drama. You might as well do a registrar or church ceremony before it and not bother going to vegas!
Time to reign it in before you send the invites. Wedding celebration party at a local function hall with a cash bar and Buffett with some photos of the vegas ceremony displayed. That’s all I would be doing and your families should accept it. If they aren’t happy then they don’t come and you can be glad there wasn’t a proper big more expensive event for them to ruin. Enjoy Vegas!

For someone who doesn't want this you are being very prescriptive and particular about it.

Just say no. Or just make it a just a wedding party. Or be a bossy boots Bridezilla and lock the doors before the speeches start and keep any stragglers outside.