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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wedding reception invite wording

237 replies

Itsaweddingoneagain · 03/04/2024 15:49

Hi all I’m getting married at the end of the year. Me and DP are ‘eloping’ to vegas just the two of us. I say ‘eloping’ as it isn’t a secret and we have told our families. After many tears, arguments and pushbacks from both sides of our family we’ve decided to host a wedding reception in the UK the month after we get back. Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here. We knew they would be mad hence why we told them before we went and got married.

We are planning a reception of about 50 people. Again much bigger than we would like but I have 5 siblings, DP has 4. They all have partners and both of our parents are remarried. We tried to keep it small but numbers quickly added up. Anyway the reception will start at 6pm and we will arrive at around 6:15/6:20 to make the traditional entrance. We will have speeches (this was important to both sides of our family), food which will be a traditional hog roast style spread, first dance and then it will carry on into the night.

Due to the nature of it we need everyone to arrive at no later than 6. We are worried that no matter what we tell people they will hear wedding reception so will think any time from 6. If people arrive later than this it will just not flow how we need it to. I want to add a tag line at the bottom of the invite saying something along the lines of “Due to having speeches and a sit down meal planned we need all bums on seats at 6pm sharp. If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”. My Mum has told me this is really rude. I’m worried about people strolling in at 730 in the middle of speeches!! I’ve been to wedding receptions where people have arrived hours after the initial start time- I’ve never been to a wedding reception that didn’t have an actual wedding before it and nobody we know has either.

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

OP posts:
Lula1000 · 07/04/2024 00:01

What a shocking way to treat both of you - you should have eloped for real! Why on earth are you letting people guilt trip you into putting on this reception?

PeacefulSJ · 07/04/2024 07:41

Not a relevant statement to the thread

brocollilover · 07/04/2024 08:34

PeacefulSJ · 07/04/2024 07:41

Not a relevant statement to the thread

which?

PeacefulSJ · 07/04/2024 10:33

Sorry someone answered my original reply with something about me not the post. It got confusing . I'm not great at technology 🙃

whyismysoupcold · 07/04/2024 10:37

How about saying something along the lines of "Please arrive at 5:30pm for 6pm start"

Are your guests the kinds of people who will know what that means? I didn't when I was in my early 20s but now I do.

whyismysoupcold · 07/04/2024 10:38

Or add explicit timings so there is no ambiguity. I think that's fine, too :)

2boysMumScotland · 07/04/2024 15:43

Don't have much advice on the invite but maybe something like: starts at 5pm speeches start at 6pm then have someone on the door?

Came here to say tho I completely understand the frustration with families.

My first wedding there was so much I had to do to keep everyone happy... was told in no uncertain terms people would be very unhappy if we eloped. There was then fighting and drama.

If I do it again I would 100% elope.

Itsaweddingoneagain · 07/04/2024 22:43

brocollilover · 05/04/2024 08:17

no chance

i predict dozens of mumsnet threads once / if (hopefully not) the op has children and introduces the poor kids to this shit show of a family. On both does no less

i predict dozens of mumsnet threads once / if (hopefully not) the op has children and introduces the poor kids to this shit show of a family.

What an unhelpfully rude and ignorant comment. I don’t have and will never have children. I had a total hysterectomy 18 months ago following the traumatic still birth of my daughter. So you’ll be glad to know that you’re hopefully not comment is true.

I posted this thread to ask for advice on the wording of my invites, not to delve into my family dynamics as you in particular have seemed to loved discussing throughout this thread. I posted the background for context.

For the people asking why are are going through with this there are many reasons. As I stated in previous posts my Mum is and has always been extremely emotionally abusive. My Nana moved in with her following the death of my Grandad and is poorly so housebound. If my Mum cut me off I wouldn’t see my Nana again. She also has two my teenage siblings (one with autism) living with her, so I would no longer have contact with them. There is also much more to the story, which obviously isn’t really relevant to my post.

OP posts:
brocollilover · 08/04/2024 10:47

Itsaweddingoneagain · 07/04/2024 22:43

i predict dozens of mumsnet threads once / if (hopefully not) the op has children and introduces the poor kids to this shit show of a family.

What an unhelpfully rude and ignorant comment. I don’t have and will never have children. I had a total hysterectomy 18 months ago following the traumatic still birth of my daughter. So you’ll be glad to know that you’re hopefully not comment is true.

I posted this thread to ask for advice on the wording of my invites, not to delve into my family dynamics as you in particular have seemed to loved discussing throughout this thread. I posted the background for context.

For the people asking why are are going through with this there are many reasons. As I stated in previous posts my Mum is and has always been extremely emotionally abusive. My Nana moved in with her following the death of my Grandad and is poorly so housebound. If my Mum cut me off I wouldn’t see my Nana again. She also has two my teenage siblings (one with autism) living with her, so I would no longer have contact with them. There is also much more to the story, which obviously isn’t really relevant to my post.

very sorry to hear what you have endured

how did yours and his family support you during that horrific time?

brocollilover · 08/04/2024 10:48

I posted this thread to ask for advice on the wording of my invites, not to delve into my family dynamics

well you should not have posted such detail about all your family then

Iloveblink182 · 08/04/2024 12:20

brocollilover · 08/04/2024 10:48

I posted this thread to ask for advice on the wording of my invites, not to delve into my family dynamics

well you should not have posted such detail about all your family then

You have come across extremely poorly on this thread and I’m not sure what any of your responses are doing to offer OP help. All you have done is judge, shame and pick apart the OP posts.

With each consecutive response the OP’s situation has made much more sense to me.

Iloveblink182 · 08/04/2024 12:22

brocollilover · 06/04/2024 09:46

one things for sure

this party will be a pretty joyless affair

How is this relevant to anything apart from you being horrible? I can’t see one post where OP asks our opinions on the party?

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